Question 1

How does God relate to those who are childless?

Accepted Answer

1 Samuel 1:6-7, 10So Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the Lord had kept her from having children. Year after year it was the same—Peninnah would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle. Each time, Hannah would be reduced to tears and would not even eat. . . . Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.1 Samuel 1:19-20When Elkanah slept with Hannah, the Lord remembered her plea, and in due time she gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, “I asked the Lord for him.”Hannah experienced years of grief, frustration, and even public shame over her infertility. God’s plan and his timing were different from Hannah’s, but that didn’t mean God had rejected her or that he wasn’t listening.Genesis 30:22God remembered Rachel’s plight and answered her prayers by enabling her to have children.Judges 13:3The angel of the Lord appeared to Manoah’s wife and said, “Even though you have been unable to have children, you will soon become pregnant and give birth to a son.”2 Samuel 6:23So Michal, the daughter of Saul, remained childless throughout her entire life.Psalm 34:18The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.God shows special attention and compassion to those who long for children but have difficulty conceiving. Although we may not understand why he chooses to give children to some and not to others, we can know that his love for us will cause him to bless us in other ways that will be deeply satisfying and comforting.

Question 2

How can I have an attitude of hope when I am childless?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 62:5, 8Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. . . . O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.Lamentations 3:20-24I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”Finding hope does not mean denying the pain we are going through. When we pray, we can be honest with God about everything—our fears, griefs, frustrations, even doubts. If you can have this kind of love for a child you haven’t even met, think of how much God loves you, his child, and how attentively he listens to your every prayer.Micah 7:7As for me, I look to the Lord for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me.2 Corinthians 12:8-10Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.Our hope is not based on our circumstances or our own ability—it’s based on the character of our loving God. No matter how powerless we may feel, he is still present with us and at work in our lives.Romans 5:3-5We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.Infertility can become a long ordeal—a true challenge to our endurance. Still, such challenges can be an opportunity to grow and mature in our faith. Hard times remind us how desperately we need God, and the comfort God gives us during such times can bring us closer to him.Proverbs 16:9We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.1 Corinthians 12:4-7There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other.It can be frustrating—even frightening—when we discover that the plans we had for our lives are beyond our control. But though we may not yet have been given the gift of motherhood or fatherhood, God has still given us gifts to be used for his Kingdom. Waiting need not be a time of inaction. Make a choice to serve God in whatever capacity your circumstances allow, and find joy in seeing him at work.

Question 3

Will adoption feel the same as having a biological child?

Accepted Answer

Luke 11:27As he [Jesus] was speaking, a woman in the crowd called out, “God bless your mother—the womb from which you came, and the breasts that nursed you!”Adoption is a solution to childlessness, but it does not remove infertility. Many women want to experience pregnancy and breastfeeding, and there is a certain joy in noticing a child has his father’s nose or his mother’s smile. It is not wrong to desire a biological child.Exodus 2:10Later, when the boy [Moses] was older, his mother brought him back to Pharaoh’s daughter, who adopted him as her own son. The princess named him Moses, for she explained, “I lifted him out of the water.”Esther 2:7When her [Esther’s] father and mother died, Mordecai adopted her into his family and raised her as his own daughter.Matthew 1:24-25When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife. But he did not have sexual relations with her until her son was born. And Joseph named him Jesus.The Bible speaks very highly of adoption. Many heroes of the faith, such as Moses and Esther, were adopted. Jesus himself was adopted by Joseph. Adoption often plays a vital role in God’s plans to take care of his children.Galatians 4:5-6God sent him [Jesus Christ] to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”Ephesians 1:5God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.The word adoption is used to describe God’s relationship with us. He chose to bring us to himself, he loves us deeply, and we bring him great joy. When we choose to adopt a child, we are reflecting God’s love and joy in a very special way.Matthew 18:5“Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.”Ephesians 1:5God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.Many infertile couples fear that they could not love an adopted child as much as a biological child, and they avoid adopting because of that fear. While it’s true that the adoption process is very different from giving birth, loving a child is the same either way. Ask adoptive families about their stories, and you will hear how deeply their love has taken root. Bonding isn’t limited to the womb—after all, God’s love for his adopted children is the greatest love we know.

Question 4

How can I deal with the relational tensions infertility can cause?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 30:1-2When Rachel saw that she wasn’t having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister. She pleaded with Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” Then Jacob became furious with Rachel. “Am I God?” he asked. “He’s the one who has kept you from having children!”Infertility creates frustration and tempts us to look for someone to blame—whether that’s God, our spouse, or even ourselves. Recognizing this pattern for what it is may not solve the problem itself, but it will help us reduce its influence over us.Psalm 34:1-2I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart.Proverbs 30:15-16There are three things that are never satisfied—no, four that never say, “Enough!”: the grave, the barren womb, the thirsty desert, the blazing fire.Lamentations 3:18-23“Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!” . . . I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.The desire to have a child is a good and healthy desire, and it is natural to grieve infertility. However, if we allow that grief to turn to bitterness and despair, we risk losing sight of who God is. He is a good God, and his work isn’t finished yet.1 Samuel 1:8“Why are you crying, Hannah?” Elkanah would ask. “Why aren’t you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have me—isn’t that better than having ten sons?”Spouses often react to infertility differently, which leads to misunderstandings and tension. In the case of Hannah and Elkanah, Hannah was the one who most deeply grieved her infertility. Elkanah, on the other hand, seemed to feel that Hannah was putting more value on having a child than on their relationship. Recognize that your spouse may be suffering in a way different from you, and don’t invalidate their feelings.Proverbs 27:5An open rebuke is better than hidden love!Proverbs 18:13Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.Honest communication is critical for marital unity. Sometimes, infertility becomes a taboo topic, a silent wall growing between a husband and wife. Other times, infertility becomes a constant conversation that puts a relationship in a state of stress. Only through honest conversation with your spouse can you set healthy expectations for how to navigate your journey of infertility.Ephesians 4:31-32Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.Ecclesiastes 4:9-12Two people are better off than one . . . two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.Infertility is not a journey unique to you—nor is it a journey that needs to be taken alone. Together with your spouse, choose some people to talk with about your infertility. Our fears feel smaller when we aren’t facing them alone.2 Corinthians 1:4He [God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.It is especially helpful to talk about infertility with others who have experienced it. Someone who has had more time to process and learn from their experience can be a valuable resource for helping us navigate our own journey. Even someone at the same stage in their journey may be able to encourage us in ways no one else can. Whether it is a peer, a mentor, or a counselor, having a source of wisdom and encouragement in addition to your spouse will reduce the pressure you both feel.

Question 5

Is my infertility my fault?

Accepted Answer

John 9:1-3As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”The blind beggar likely asked himself the same questions the disciples asked: Why did God make me blind? What did I do to deserve this? Infertile couples often wrestle with similar questions. The life they had hoped for feels an impossibility. Infertility feels like a punishment. In John 9, Jesus assures us that health limitations do not mean God is angry at us or punishing us. The blind man met Jesus and was entrusted with a powerful witness—not in spite of his blindness, but because of it.Psalm 103:12He [the Lord] has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.Romans 8:34Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.1 John 1:9If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.God isn’t passive-aggressive. He doesn’t hold hidden grudges or leave us guessing about what we might have done to offend him. God loves us, and he is always eager to restore our relationship with him. If you have been worrying and wondering about some past guilt or unknown sin, repeatedly asking God to forgive you “just to be sure,” let that fear go. Jesus died for you, and now he pleads your case in heaven. You are forgiven.Luke 18:1-8One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. . . . “Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?”Years of prayer without results can lead us to discouragement or even despair. It can make us question if God really wants to hear from us. Jesus assures us that we don’t need to worry about bothering our heavenly Father with a repeated prayer. In fact, he encourages such repeated prayers. Read Jesus’ parable in Luke 18 to see how he encourages us to hope even when we haven’t seen answers.Job 2:10“Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”Psalm 34:18The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.Isaiah 55:8-9“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”Matthew 5:45“He [God] gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.”We may wonder why God permits his loved ones to suffer pain, such as the pain of being unable to bear children. We may wonder why he wouldn’t just give a child to parents who want one so badly. We don’t know the answers to all of life’s questions, but we know that God is good and that we live in a fallen world where life doesn’t always go the way we had hoped. For reasons we do not fully understand, God does not always allow us to have what we desire. At those times, he has a different plan that we will learn about in heaven. For now, we can work to trust that God is with us in our heartaches.2 Corinthians 12:7-9So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.We don’t know exactly what Paul’s “thorn” was, but we know it was painful to him. Paul prayed for God to take it away, but God intentionally left it. He used that hardship to teach Paul humility and reliance on him. A “thorn” of infertility is painful. It is an example of the suffering that entered our world after Adam and Eve sinned. However, we have a choice of how we react to that thorn. Like Paul, we can turn toward God rather than away from him. And if we let him, God will teach us something through that.2 Corinthians 1:4He [God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.Trials are a responsibility God entrusts us with, not something to be ashamed of. Infertility is an incredibly personal trial, but it’s a trial many other couples go through silently. As you grieve, pray, and grow through your journey of infertility, keep your ears open for God’s voice. Perhaps he will call you to come alongside someone else walking that same hard journey.

Question 6

How can I accept God’s timing?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 15:2-5Abram replied, “O Sovereign Lord, what good are all your blessings when I don’t even have a son?” . . . Then the Lord said to him, “No, your servant will not be your heir, for you will have a son of your own who will be your heir.” Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!”Genesis 16:1-4Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, “The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.” And Abram agreed with Sarai’s proposal. . . . But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt.Genesis 21:1-2The Lord kept his word and did for Sarah exactly what he had promised. She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would.Isaiah 64:4Since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for him!Lamentations 3:25-26The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.Sometimes God says yes in answer to our prayer. Sometimes he says no. Sometimes he wants us to wait. In every situation, we have to relinquish our lives to God’s control, even when we don’t always understand his ways. Rushing ahead may get us what we think is best, but waiting for God’s timing will get God’s best for us, which is always better.

Question 7

Is it all right to continue to plead to God for children?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 25:21Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac’s prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins.Genesis 30:22God remembered Rachel’s plight and answered her prayers by enabling her to have children.Psalm 5:3Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.Luke 18:1One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.Because we believe in God, we should pray. Because we believe in miracles, we should pray. Then we need to let God be God. Even when short on hope, we should pray. He is good, he loves us, and he knows what is best for us.

Question 8

Are fertility drugs or surgery unbiblical?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 9:12When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.”Colossians 4:14Luke, the beloved doctor, sends his greetings.The Bible does not speak specifically about modern fertility drugs or surgeries. However, Scripture has a positive view of seeking medical help and does not equate it to a lack of faith. Jesus performed miraculous healings throughout his ministry, yet he acknowledged the value of doctors. Luke, the author of Acts and the Gospel of Luke, was himself a doctor.1 Samuel 1:6The Lord had kept her [Hannah] from having children.John 9:1-3As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”Mark 10:51“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked. “My Rabbi,” the blind man said, “I want to see!”God sometimes allows disabilities or medical conditions for specific purposes that we may not understand. However, that doesn’t mean we should deny someone an opportunity to recover their sight through eyeglasses or even surgery. If someone regains their sight through the work of doctors, we praise God for that! In the same way, fertility treatments that help someone’s body regain its proper function can play a role in God’s will. If God truly wants a womb to remain closed, fertility drugs and surgery won’t forcibly overcome his will.

Question 9

If I cannot be a mother or father, what am I supposed to be?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 7:7I [the apostle Paul] wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.1 Timothy 1:2I [Paul] am writing to Timothy, my true son in the faith.The apostle Paul never had children through marriage, yet he had many spiritual children. Paul even called young Timothy his “true son in the faith.” Many children need mother and father figures, mentors who can guide them in the faith. Perhaps you, like Paul, are being called to be a different kind of parent.Luke 2:36-38Anna, a prophet, was also there in the Temple. . . . Her husband died when they had been married only seven years. Then she lived as a widow to the age of eighty-four. She never left the Temple but stayed there day and night, worshiping God with fasting and prayer. She came along just as Simeon was talking with Mary and Joseph, and she began praising God. She talked about the child to everyone who had been waiting expectantly for God to rescue Jerusalem.Anna’s life changed dramatically after her husband died at a young age, and the Bible never tells us whether she had any children. However, we do know that Anna prayed and prophesied faithfully and became one of the first people to spread the good news about Jesus. Anna’s plans for her life may have crumbled, but God’s plans for Anna were never shaken.John 21:21-22Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?” Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.”1 Corinthians 12:5-6There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us.1 Corinthians 12:14-17If the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?“What about him, Lord?” “What about her, Lord?” It can be easy to compare ourselves to others and wonder why God didn’t give us a life like theirs. We may even see people adopting and feel guilty that we don’t feel called to do the same. You may not be filling the role of a parent, but that doesn’t mean that you have less value or that God isn’t working through you. Let God use you where he has placed you, even if it’s not where you expected to be. You were placed here for a reason, and God will use you to bless people because of it.

Question 10

How can I overcome envy of others who are having children?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 29:32So Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “The Lord has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.”Genesis 30:1When Rachel saw that she wasn’t having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister. She pleaded with Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!”Genesis 30:9Leah realized that she wasn’t getting pregnant anymore, so she took her servant, Zilpah, and gave her to Jacob as a wife.Rachel and Leah each built their identity around being a mother. Not only did they long for children—they longed for the status it brought and the love they thought they could earn through it. Each of them responded to infertility with insecurity and desperation, and it made their home a place of frustration and conflict.Genesis 30:1When Rachel saw that she wasn’t having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister.1 Samuel 1:4-6On the days Elkanah presented his sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to Peninnah and each of her children. And though he loved Hannah, he would give her only one choice portion because the Lord had given her no children. So Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the Lord had kept her from having children.Proverbs 4:23Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.Isaiah 56:4-5“This is what the Lord says: I will bless those eunuchs who keep my Sabbath days holy and who choose to do what pleases me and commit their lives to me. I will give them—within the walls of my house—a memorial and a name far greater than sons and daughters could give. For the name I give them is an everlasting one. It will never disappear!”Ephesians 2:10We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.Life brings many reminders of the children we do not have: baby showers, social media pictures, Mother’s Day, even many everyday conversations we overhear. If we don’t guard our hearts and minds, envy and bitterness easily can take root.Romans 12:15Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.Ephesians 4:25Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.There will be times when you may be asked to celebrate and support friends and family having children. Baby showers, gender reveal parties, and similar events can be emotionally overwhelming for infertile couples. Consider whether you are emotionally prepared to attend such events. Is it better to attend in order to show support, or would it be wiser for you to decline? If you need to decline a close friend or family member’s invitation, consider giving an honest explanation.1 Corinthians 10:13The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.1 Corinthians 13:4-5Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous.Philippians 4:8Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.Titus 3:3Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other.Unchecked, envy can swiftly undermine our relationships. However, dwelling on envious thoughts is a choice. We may not always be able to avoid the triggers that lead to envy, but we can be intentional in how we respond to them.Job 2:10“Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”Psalm 56:8You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.Psalm 62:1, 5, 8I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. . . . Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. . . . O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.Isaiah 41:10“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”Infertility is a painful path often loaded with discouragement. Still, that does not mean that God is ignoring our prayers or that he loves us any less than those whose lives seem full of blessings. Even in the heartache, we can remind ourselves that God sees us and is watching over us.John 11:32-35When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept.Rejecting envy does not mean denying our pain or grief. Even though Jesus knew he would raise Lazarus to life, he grieved alongside Mary and Martha over the pain of losing a loved one. His grief was more than show—it was deep and heartfelt, and he didn’t hold back. Infertility is also a profound loss, and such grief deserves to be mourned. We have a responsibility to direct that grief in a way that does not pour bitterness and jealousy on others.John 21:21-22Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?” Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.”1 Corinthians 12:5-6There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us.Colossians 3:17Whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.It is easy to fixate on how God is working in other people’s lives rather than on how God is working through us now. Whatever God has entrusted you with, work at it diligently and take satisfaction in it. Having children is a worthy calling, but it is not the only worthy calling God calls people to. When we are comfortable and confident in what God has called us to, we have less reason to envy others.

Question 11

What can I do to help those who are childless?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 30:1When Rachel saw that she wasn’t having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister.1 Samuel 1:6So Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the Lord had kept her from having children.Proverbs 25:20Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.Infertility is often a secret struggle. Every baby shower, every family picture on social media, every time the conversation moves to what the kids are doing at school—these all become painful reminders, like vinegar on a wound. Infertile couples may feel isolated or even inferior in a very private and personal way. Being aware of the pain infertile couples often go through is the first step toward helping them in that struggle.Job 2:13They sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.Job 16:2“I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are!”Proverbs 30:15-16There are three things that are never satisfied—no, four that never say, “Enough!”: the grave, the barren womb, the thirsty desert, the blazing fire.It is easy to fall into trying to help infertile couples by viewing infertility as a problem to be solved: “Have you tried this?” “Or what about that?” Often, an infertile couple has already agonized over their options and put a great deal of time, effort, and money into finding a solution without success. Off-the-cuff suggestions will only compound their pain. Like Job’s friends, we are often at our most helpful when we listen rather than speak. We may not be able to fix our friends’ problems, but we can help them feel cared for and supported.Genesis 25:21Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac’s prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins.Luke 18:1One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.Prayer is powerful. Praying persistently for a couple struggling with infertility is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.Genesis 30:1-2She pleaded with Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” Then Jacob became furious with Rachel. “Am I God?” he asked. “He’s the one who has kept you from having children!”1 Samuel 1:8“Why are you crying, Hannah?” Elkanah would ask. “Why aren’t you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have me—isn’t that better than having ten sons?”Infertility often puts a heavy strain on a marriage. That strain has the potential to either pull a couple together or drive a wedge between them. When you pray for a couple with infertility, pray for their relationship with each other as well.Job 24:20-21“Wicked people are broken like a tree in the storm. They cheat the woman who has no son to help her. They refuse to help the needy widow.”We can look for ways to be of practical assistance to families without children, especially as the husband and wife age. The elderly are often lonely, especially if they lack living family members.