Is my infertility my fault?
John 9:1-3As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”
The blind beggar likely asked himself the same questions the disciples asked: Why did God make me blind? What did I do to deserve this? Infertile couples often wrestle with similar questions. The life they had hoped for feels an impossibility. Infertility feels like a punishment. In John 9, Jesus assures us that health limitations do not mean God is angry at us or punishing us. The blind man met Jesus and was entrusted with a powerful witness—not in spite of his blindness, but because of it.
Psalm 103:12He [the Lord] has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.
Romans 8:34Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
1 John 1:9If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
God isn’t passive-aggressive. He doesn’t hold hidden grudges or leave us guessing about what we might have done to offend him. God loves us, and he is always eager to restore our relationship with him. If you have been worrying and wondering about some past guilt or unknown sin, repeatedly asking God to forgive you “just to be sure,” let that fear go. Jesus died for you, and now he pleads your case in heaven. You are forgiven.
Luke 18:1-8One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. . . . “Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?”
Years of prayer without results can lead us to discouragement or even despair. It can make us question if God really wants to hear from us. Jesus assures us that we don’t need to worry about bothering our heavenly Father with a repeated prayer. In fact, he encourages such repeated prayers. Read Jesus’ parable in Luke 18 to see how he encourages us to hope even when we haven’t seen answers.
Job 2:10“Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”
Psalm 34:18The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Isaiah 55:8-9“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
Matthew 5:45“He [God] gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.”
We may wonder why God permits his loved ones to suffer pain, such as the pain of being unable to bear children. We may wonder why he wouldn’t just give a child to parents who want one so badly. We don’t know the answers to all of life’s questions, but we know that God is good and that we live in a fallen world where life doesn’t always go the way we had hoped. For reasons we do not fully understand, God does not always allow us to have what we desire. At those times, he has a different plan that we will learn about in heaven. For now, we can work to trust that God is with us in our heartaches.
2 Corinthians 12:7-9So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
We don’t know exactly what Paul’s “thorn” was, but we know it was painful to him. Paul prayed for God to take it away, but God intentionally left it. He used that hardship to teach Paul humility and reliance on him. A “thorn” of infertility is painful. It is an example of the suffering that entered our world after Adam and Eve sinned. However, we have a choice of how we react to that thorn. Like Paul, we can turn toward God rather than away from him. And if we let him, God will teach us something through that.
2 Corinthians 1:4He [God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
Trials are a responsibility God entrusts us with, not something to be ashamed of. Infertility is an incredibly personal trial, but it’s a trial many other couples go through silently. As you grieve, pray, and grow through your journey of infertility, keep your ears open for God’s voice. Perhaps he will call you to come alongside someone else walking that same hard journey.
