How can I overcome envy of others who are having children?
Genesis 29:32So Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “The Lord has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.”
Genesis 30:1When Rachel saw that she wasn’t having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister. She pleaded with Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!”
Genesis 30:9Leah realized that she wasn’t getting pregnant anymore, so she took her servant, Zilpah, and gave her to Jacob as a wife.
Rachel and Leah each built their identity around being a mother. Not only did they long for children—they longed for the status it brought and the love they thought they could earn through it. Each of them responded to infertility with insecurity and desperation, and it made their home a place of frustration and conflict.
Genesis 30:1When Rachel saw that she wasn’t having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister.
1 Samuel 1:4-6On the days Elkanah presented his sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to Peninnah and each of her children. And though he loved Hannah, he would give her only one choice portion because the Lord had given her no children. So Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the Lord had kept her from having children.
Proverbs 4:23Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Isaiah 56:4-5“This is what the Lord says: I will bless those eunuchs who keep my Sabbath days holy and who choose to do what pleases me and commit their lives to me. I will give them—within the walls of my house—a memorial and a name far greater than sons and daughters could give. For the name I give them is an everlasting one. It will never disappear!”
Ephesians 2:10We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Life brings many reminders of the children we do not have: baby showers, social media pictures, Mother’s Day, even many everyday conversations we overhear. If we don’t guard our hearts and minds, envy and bitterness easily can take root.
Romans 12:15Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.
Ephesians 4:25Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
There will be times when you may be asked to celebrate and support friends and family having children. Baby showers, gender reveal parties, and similar events can be emotionally overwhelming for infertile couples. Consider whether you are emotionally prepared to attend such events. Is it better to attend in order to show support, or would it be wiser for you to decline? If you need to decline a close friend or family member’s invitation, consider giving an honest explanation.
1 Corinthians 10:13The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous.
Philippians 4:8Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Titus 3:3Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other.
Unchecked, envy can swiftly undermine our relationships. However, dwelling on envious thoughts is a choice. We may not always be able to avoid the triggers that lead to envy, but we can be intentional in how we respond to them.
Job 2:10“Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”
Psalm 56:8You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 62:1, 5, 8I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. . . . Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. . . . O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.
Isaiah 41:10“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
Infertility is a painful path often loaded with discouragement. Still, that does not mean that God is ignoring our prayers or that he loves us any less than those whose lives seem full of blessings. Even in the heartache, we can remind ourselves that God sees us and is watching over us.
John 11:32-35When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept.
Rejecting envy does not mean denying our pain or grief. Even though Jesus knew he would raise Lazarus to life, he grieved alongside Mary and Martha over the pain of losing a loved one. His grief was more than show—it was deep and heartfelt, and he didn’t hold back. Infertility is also a profound loss, and such grief deserves to be mourned. We have a responsibility to direct that grief in a way that does not pour bitterness and jealousy on others.
John 21:21-22Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?” Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.”
1 Corinthians 12:5-6There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us.
Colossians 3:17Whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.
It is easy to fixate on how God is working in other people’s lives rather than on how God is working through us now. Whatever God has entrusted you with, work at it diligently and take satisfaction in it. Having children is a worthy calling, but it is not the only worthy calling God calls people to. When we are comfortable and confident in what God has called us to, we have less reason to envy others.
