Question 1

How might I betray God?

Accepted Answer

Jeremiah 3:20“You have been unfaithful to me, you people of Israel! You have been like a faithless wife who leaves her husband. I, the Lord, have spoken.”The opposite of betrayal is loyalty. Anyone who has become a Christian has pledged loyalty to God—Father, Son (Jesus Christ), and Holy Spirit. We are disloyal to God when we allow something else to become more important than him, or when we look to something or someone else to help us without even acknowledging God or asking for his help first.Romans 7:21-23I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.Despite all his theological training and his success in carrying the gospel all over the world, the apostle Paul never lost sight of his own flawed humanity. He was still capable of sin. Sin always betrays God. We see in Paul’s description of his own sin that our sinful human nature causes us to betray God even when we don’t want to. Our sin also betrays us, lying to us that we can get away with it or that it will actually make our life better. As a human race, we are infected with unfaithfulness. Unless we acknowledge that we are prone to wander, we will never honestly repent or ask God to help us do better.Nehemiah 9:26Despite all this, they were disobedient and rebelled against you. They turned their backs on your Law, they killed your prophets who warned them to return to you, and they committed terrible blasphemies.Like the people of Jerusalem in Nehemiah 9, we can benefit from reflecting on the past from time to time. Honesty about the past can be painful; our former disobedience to God was a betrayal of him. And when we betray others who are representing God in our lives (as the Israelites did who turned on and killed God’s prophets), this action is also a betrayal of God (see Acts 9:4).Numbers 5:6“Give the following instructions to the people of Israel: If any of the people—men or women—betray the Lord by doing wrong to another person, they are guilty.”Harming others is the exact opposite of keeping the second part of the great commandment: to love our neighbors as ourselves. Doing wrong to another person is also an act of betrayal to God, because we are called to do what is right toward all people created in God’s image—and that’s everyone!2 Timothy 2:11-13This is a trustworthy saying: If we die with him, we will also live with him. If we endure hardship, we will reign with him. If we deny him, he will deny us. If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.This passage seems to indicate that there are two levels of betrayal: denial and unfaithfulness. The first describes a settled rejection of God; the second, a momentary and regrettable failure. The first seals our fate, but the second may be reversed by God’s own faithfulness. God knows how prone we are to fail in keeping our promises, yet still he is utterly dependable.

Question 2

What can go wrong in our relationships?

Accepted Answer

2 Samuel 15:9-10“All right,” the king told him. “Go and fulfill your vow.” So Absalom went to Hebron. But while he was there, he sent secret messengers to all the tribes of Israel to stir up a rebellion against the king. “As soon as you hear the ram’s horn,” his message read, “you are to say, ‘Absalom has been crowned king in Hebron.’”The father-son relationship between David and Absalom was in shambles. One might say that David betrayed his children in his failures as a father. Several of his children acted out their family dysfunction on the public stage. Absalom betrayed his father by attempting to usurp the throne, and that betrayal led to Absalom’s death. If there isn’t honesty, forgiveness, and reconciliation in relationships, the damage caused by betrayal will be permanent.Psalm 55:20-22As for my companion, he betrayed his friends; he broke his promises. His words are as smooth as butter, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers! Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.By definition, betrayal implies that there was something good that now has been destroyed. Before betrayal can occur, trust and friendship must be established. Defenses must be lowered. Enemies do not betray us—friends, companions, and spouses do. Those who appear to share our faith can betray us. This psalm points to the hope that comes from leaning on God’s faithfulness in spite of the betrayals of other people.Matthew 24:10“Many will turn away from me and betray and hate each other.”Jesus foresaw what has become a recurring theme in Christian history: people rejecting Christ and doing harm to other believers. It brings us little comfort to say that those who walk away from the faith were simply insincere or had a false faith to begin with; the betrayals remain painful. But Jesus never made the inevitability of betrayals a reason for avoiding relationships or for doubting God’s knowledge of those who truly belong to him.Matthew 26:20-24When it was evening, Jesus sat down at the table with the Twelve. While they were eating, he said, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me.” Greatly distressed, each one asked in turn, “Am I the one, Lord?” He replied, “One of you who has just eaten from this bowl with me will betray me. For the Son of Man must die, as the Scriptures declared long ago. But how terrible it will be for the one who betrays him. It would be far better for that man if he had never been born!”During the Last Supper, Jesus revealed his awareness of Judas’s impending betrayal. By then the arrangements had already been made. The question asked by all the disciples in turn indicates that deep down they knew they were capable of betraying Jesus. In fact, though only one of them betrayed Jesus outright, all would give in to fear and abandon Jesus that very night.2 Timothy 3:4They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God.Paul lists betrayal by friends as one of the characteristics of life in the last days. The fact that every generation can attest to this behavior is another reminder of the ongoing reality that Christ may return at any time.2 Timothy 4:10Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus has gone to Dalmatia.Desertion is one of the saddest realities that leaders face. Paul was deserted by Demas and many Christians from Asia (see 2 Timothy 1:15), and he was experiencing the relational loneliness that follows both necessary separations and hurtful desertions. All kinds of separation can be painful, but desertions can feel like betrayals.

Question 3

How can I avoid betraying God?

Accepted Answer

Romans 3:23Everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.Human beings are born God-betrayers. Until we acknowledge God as our Lord, we take for granted the gift of life and the wonders of the created order. We instinctively sense there is a God, but we tend to resist any accountability to him (see Romans 1:18-20). Furthermore, we confirm our sinful state as soon as we have the opportunity, expressing self-centeredness, jealousy, and pride even as little children. Unless God opens our eyes so we can see our true condition, we remain blind to our state of betrayal.1 John 1:8-9If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.We can’t avoid betraying God. Every person has sinned and will continue to sin against God. But if we realize we are sinners at heart, and if we confess our sins to God, he will forgive us. He will look at us and treat us as though we have never betrayed him.

Question 4

How can I avoid betraying others?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 11:13A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.Keeping the secrets of others demonstrates trustworthiness. A gossip betrays a person’s trust to gain the momentary power of knowing and sharing something others don’t know. Those who gossip also reveal that they don’t properly value their relationships (see Proverbs 20:19).Proverbs 14:25A truthful witness saves lives, but a false witness is a traitor.We betray others when we report things about them that are not true. Lies destroy reputations, relationships, and even lives. Integrity demands that we be truthful about others. Always check your motives before speaking about another person.1 Peter 3:10The Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies.”When we speak evil and tell lies, we are almost always betraying someone. When we engage in these practices, we are also betraying ourselves by undercutting our own enjoyment and happiness (see also Proverbs 25:18). Gossip is usually a form of lying, as it involves spreading rumors about others that are seldom fully true.Psalm 55:12-14It is not an enemy who taunts me—I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you—my equal, my companion and close friend. What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God.The psalm writer paints a vivid word picture of his grief over a friendship destroyed by betrayal. Whether or not we have experienced betrayal ourselves, it certainly isn’t an experience we would welcome. One deterrent to betrayal is to remember the deep pain betrayal causes our friends—a pain worse than an attack by an enemy.Proverbs 19:22Loyalty makes a person attractive. It is better to be poor than dishonest.Proverbs often instruct by comparison and emphasize by repetition. This one simply offers two examples of wise living. On a scale of worthy lifestyles, honest poverty rates much higher than dishonest gain, for loyalty is one of the most desirable qualities in a friendship. Few relationships survive betrayal.Proverbs 3:3Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart.Practice loyalty and kindness to others. Like anything worth doing, developing these traits requires repetition and dedication; they don’t just come naturally. The more you deliberately practice them, the better you will become, and the more you will enjoy watching others benefit from your loving actions.Matthew 7:12“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”Practice the Golden Rule. You don’t want to be betrayed, so don’t betray others. Don’t expect loyalty from others when you have failed to be loyal to them.Proverbs 20:6Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?Be a true, faithful friend (see also Proverbs 17:17). Loyalty says, “No matter what happens around us or between us, there is no fear, doubt, or hurt that can make me turn my back on you.” Then loyalty demonstrates over time the truth of that promise. When loyalty is present, a relationship is secure and solid, and the chances of betrayal become slim.Malachi 2:14-16You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”Guard your heart from doing wrong, keep your vows, and remain faithful to your spouse. Unfaithfulness and disloyalty in marriage are forms of betrayal. And because a marriage vow is made not only to your spouse but also before God, the failure to live up to your promises betrays two relationships.

Question 5

What should I do when I am betrayed?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 10:21-22“A brother will betray his brother to death, a father will betray his own child, and children will rebel against their parents and cause them to be killed. And all nations will hate you because you are my followers. But everyone who endures to the end will be saved.”Betrayals are part of living in a fallen world. Under certain conditions, even the most intimate relationships may break down. The Bible anticipates spiritual conditions in which rebellion against God leads to almost unimaginable cases of betrayal. Jesus assured his followers that those who remain faithful are genuine believers. Betrayed believers can lean into God’s grace for strength amid their losses.Daniel 7:25He [the king] will defy the Most High and oppress the holy people of the Most High. He will try to change their sacred festivals and laws, and they will be placed under his control for a time, times, and half a time.Satan betrayed his lofty angelic position when he rebelled against God’s authority, and that betrayal continues with his efforts to derail and destroy God’s plans for his people and his creation. We sometimes feel Satan’s influence on a grand political scale, as in this passage from Daniel, but we may also notice his efforts in smaller, more personal ways. When we witness or experience betrayal, we can remember that Satan is active in the world, and he is simply living up to his character.Psalm 41:9Even my best friend, the one I trusted completely, the one who shared my food, has turned against me.There are few things more painful than betrayal by a friend. Crushed by the betrayal of a close friend coupled with his awareness of his own faults, David cried out to God for mercy and for strength. We can do the same when we are betrayed.Matthew 10:35-36, 39“I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Your enemies will be right in your own household! . . . If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.”Jesus knew his followers would experience betrayal from their closest relationships. Allegiance to him would be the cause. Some people express their rejection of Jesus by rejecting those who follow him. If such a betrayal occurs, it should drive us closer to Jesus.Matthew 26:40, 43-45He [Jesus] returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour?” . . . When he returned to them again, he found them sleeping, for they couldn’t keep their eyes open. So he went to pray a third time, saying the same things again. Then he came to the disciples and said, “Go ahead and sleep. Have your rest. But look—the time has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.”While Jesus struggled in prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane about his impending betrayal and suffering, he experienced the disappointment of seeing his followers fall asleep during his time of crisis. It is important to recognize that betrayal is an inevitable part of the human experience; even Jesus was betrayed. This doesn’t make being betrayed easy, but it helps us realize that being betrayed doesn’t mean something is wrong with us. This account also reminds us of the importance of supporting our loved ones as they experience betrayal.Hebrews 4:15This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.When we are betrayed, we can take comfort in the fact that Jesus knows firsthand the pain of being betrayed. He who has the power to help us has experienced our hurt himself. When others are unfaithful to us, we can find reassurance in God’s unwavering faithfulness.Luke 21:12-19“There will be a time of great persecution. You will be dragged into synagogues and prisons, and you will stand trial before kings and governors because you are my followers. But this will be your opportunity to tell them about me. So don’t worry in advance about how to answer the charges against you, for I will give you the right words and such wisdom that none of your opponents will be able to reply or refute you! Even those closest to you—your parents, brothers, relatives, and friends—will betray you. They will even kill some of you. And everyone will hate you because you are my followers. But not a hair of your head will perish! By standing firm, you will win your souls.”We should use every opportunity to tell others about God, but we should expect to be persecuted at times for our witness. The gospel message is about both this life and the eternal life to come; whatever the world does to us can only affect us here. In times of real hardship, God will help us. God expects us to hold fast and not give up, keeping our eyes on the hope of our eternal future with him.Jeremiah 12:6“Even your brothers, members of your own family, have turned against you. They plot and raise complaints against you. Do not trust them, no matter how pleasantly they speak.”When we realize we cannot trust a particular person, we should act wisely and take steps to protect ourselves. If we know someone is going to betray us, we should take steps to prepare. We should never fall for a betrayer’s flattery. We must think through how we will respond to the gossip they may spread about us. But we can do this without retaliation. Instead, we should meet their sin against us with kind words and a forgiving heart. We should seek to avoid revenge and grant forgiveness while still exercising prudent self-protection (see Matthew 10:16).Genesis 50:19-21Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them.Like Joseph, we should recognize God’s hand in our lives. We need to learn that the injustices and betrayals we experience are not made right by revenge. Even when someone sins against us, God can pick up the pieces and make something good from any situation. Genuine forgiveness is an overwhelming and disarming response to betrayal.Psalm 118:8It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people.Other people may choose to trample on our trust, but God will never betray us. We can count on the safety and security of his presence. We can run to him when people disappoint us.2 Timothy 2:13If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.When others are unfaithful to us, we can take great comfort in God’s unwavering faithfulness. We need to anchor our faith in God, not in other frail human beings.

Question 6

How should I treat those who betray me?

Accepted Answer

1 Samuel 23:12-13David asked, “Will the leaders of Keilah betray me and my men to Saul?” And the Lord replied, “Yes, they will betray you.” So David and his men—about 600 of them now—left Keilah and began roaming the countryside.Though David had protected the town of Keilah from the Philistines, the people of Keilah would not give David protection from Saul. We cannot always expect people to reciprocate the support or kindness that we show them. We must follow God’s direction (see 1 Samuel 23:4) and leave our cause in God’s hands.John 13:1-5Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end. It was time for supper, and the devil had already prompted Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him.Jesus gave us a beautiful example of how to respond to the reality of betrayal: We must find a way to serve those who will betray us. He washed the feet of those who would abandon him later that evening. Even Judas’s feet were clean during the meal.John 13:21-26Jesus was deeply troubled, and he exclaimed, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me!” The disciples looked at each other, wondering whom he could mean. The disciple Jesus loved was sitting next to Jesus at the table. Simon Peter motioned to him to ask, “Who’s he talking about?” So that disciple leaned over to Jesus and asked, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus responded, “It is the one to whom I give the bread I dip in the bowl.” And when he had dipped it, he gave it to Judas, son of Simon Iscariot.Jesus loved his disciples to the very end. His love was based on God’s love for him, not on their faithfulness—or lack thereof. We must be aware of our tendency to use the people under our care to satisfy our own need to feel loved, special, or important. People will fail us, so we must look to God for our ultimate affirmation and satisfaction.Luke 22:33-34Peter said, “Lord, I am ready to go to prison with you, and even to die with you.” But Jesus said, “Peter, let me tell you something. Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me.”We must continue to love those who betray us, just as Jesus did, and be ready with forgiveness and reconciliation when they repent (see John 21:15-19). We are to love the betrayer, not the act of betrayal.Ephesians 4:31-32Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.Paul’s list of negative responses toward others reflects our most natural reaction to betrayal. Hurts over injustice can fuel powerful emotions and dangerous reactions, but in the long run these will simply perpetuate the evil initiated by the betrayal. Any conflict is more likely to end well when kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness govern our response. Jesus gives us the ultimate example of this life-giving path to forgiveness and peace.Genesis 33:4, 9-10Esau ran to meet [Jacob] and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. And they both wept. . . . “My brother, I have plenty,” Esau answered. “Keep what you have for yourself.” But Jacob insisted, “No, if I have found favor with you, please accept this gift from me. And what a relief to see your friendly smile. It is like seeing the face of God!”Even though Jacob had blatantly betrayed his brother Esau, Esau forgave him after years of separation. Forgiveness is powerful, and it is the only escape from the downward spiral of retaliation and revenge.Matthew 6:12-14“Forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one. If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.”Forgiveness is the only road to freedom. Nothing that anyone has done against us is worse than what we have done against God. Refusing to forgive another person means we don’t realize just how much God has forgiven us. A forgiven person should choose to forgive.

Question 7

Where can I find the courage to forgive my betrayers?

Accepted Answer

Romans 12:19-21Never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.The worst response to betrayal is vengeance. The wisest response to betrayal is to stop the cycle of retaliation and begin the strategy of blessing. Trust God to judge your cause, and find a way to meet the needs of those who have hurt you.