How should I treat those who betray me?

1 Samuel 23:12-13David asked, “Will the leaders of Keilah betray me and my men to Saul?” And the Lord replied, “Yes, they will betray you.” So David and his men—about 600 of them now—left Keilah and began roaming the countryside.

Though David had protected the town of Keilah from the Philistines, the people of Keilah would not give David protection from Saul. We cannot always expect people to reciprocate the support or kindness that we show them. We must follow God’s direction (see 1 Samuel 23:4) and leave our cause in God’s hands.

John 13:1-5Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end. It was time for supper, and the devil had already prompted Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him.

Jesus gave us a beautiful example of how to respond to the reality of betrayal: We must find a way to serve those who will betray us. He washed the feet of those who would abandon him later that evening. Even Judas’s feet were clean during the meal.

John 13:21-26Jesus was deeply troubled, and he exclaimed, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me!” The disciples looked at each other, wondering whom he could mean. The disciple Jesus loved was sitting next to Jesus at the table. Simon Peter motioned to him to ask, “Who’s he talking about?” So that disciple leaned over to Jesus and asked, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus responded, “It is the one to whom I give the bread I dip in the bowl.” And when he had dipped it, he gave it to Judas, son of Simon Iscariot.

Jesus loved his disciples to the very end. His love was based on God’s love for him, not on their faithfulness—or lack thereof. We must be aware of our tendency to use the people under our care to satisfy our own need to feel loved, special, or important. People will fail us, so we must look to God for our ultimate affirmation and satisfaction.

Luke 22:33-34Peter said, “Lord, I am ready to go to prison with you, and even to die with you.” But Jesus said, “Peter, let me tell you something. Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me.”

We must continue to love those who betray us, just as Jesus did, and be ready with forgiveness and reconciliation when they repent (see John 21:15-19). We are to love the betrayer, not the act of betrayal.

Ephesians 4:31-32Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Paul’s list of negative responses toward others reflects our most natural reaction to betrayal. Hurts over injustice can fuel powerful emotions and dangerous reactions, but in the long run these will simply perpetuate the evil initiated by the betrayal. Any conflict is more likely to end well when kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness govern our response. Jesus gives us the ultimate example of this life-giving path to forgiveness and peace.

Genesis 33:4, 9-10Esau ran to meet [Jacob] and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. And they both wept. . . . “My brother, I have plenty,” Esau answered. “Keep what you have for yourself.” But Jacob insisted, “No, if I have found favor with you, please accept this gift from me. And what a relief to see your friendly smile. It is like seeing the face of God!”

Even though Jacob had blatantly betrayed his brother Esau, Esau forgave him after years of separation. Forgiveness is powerful, and it is the only escape from the downward spiral of retaliation and revenge.

Matthew 6:12-14“Forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one. If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.”

Forgiveness is the only road to freedom. Nothing that anyone has done against us is worse than what we have done against God. Refusing to forgive another person means we don’t realize just how much God has forgiven us. A forgiven person should choose to forgive.