What can go wrong in our relationships?

2 Samuel 15:9-10“All right,” the king told him. “Go and fulfill your vow.” So Absalom went to Hebron. But while he was there, he sent secret messengers to all the tribes of Israel to stir up a rebellion against the king. “As soon as you hear the ram’s horn,” his message read, “you are to say, ‘Absalom has been crowned king in Hebron.’”

The father-son relationship between David and Absalom was in shambles. One might say that David betrayed his children in his failures as a father. Several of his children acted out their family dysfunction on the public stage. Absalom betrayed his father by attempting to usurp the throne, and that betrayal led to Absalom’s death. If there isn’t honesty, forgiveness, and reconciliation in relationships, the damage caused by betrayal will be permanent.

Psalm 55:20-22As for my companion, he betrayed his friends; he broke his promises. His words are as smooth as butter, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers! Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

By definition, betrayal implies that there was something good that now has been destroyed. Before betrayal can occur, trust and friendship must be established. Defenses must be lowered. Enemies do not betray us—friends, companions, and spouses do. Those who appear to share our faith can betray us. This psalm points to the hope that comes from leaning on God’s faithfulness in spite of the betrayals of other people.

Matthew 24:10“Many will turn away from me and betray and hate each other.”

Jesus foresaw what has become a recurring theme in Christian history: people rejecting Christ and doing harm to other believers. It brings us little comfort to say that those who walk away from the faith were simply insincere or had a false faith to begin with; the betrayals remain painful. But Jesus never made the inevitability of betrayals a reason for avoiding relationships or for doubting God’s knowledge of those who truly belong to him.

Matthew 26:20-24When it was evening, Jesus sat down at the table with the Twelve. While they were eating, he said, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me.” Greatly distressed, each one asked in turn, “Am I the one, Lord?” He replied, “One of you who has just eaten from this bowl with me will betray me. For the Son of Man must die, as the Scriptures declared long ago. But how terrible it will be for the one who betrays him. It would be far better for that man if he had never been born!”

During the Last Supper, Jesus revealed his awareness of Judas’s impending betrayal. By then the arrangements had already been made. The question asked by all the disciples in turn indicates that deep down they knew they were capable of betraying Jesus. In fact, though only one of them betrayed Jesus outright, all would give in to fear and abandon Jesus that very night.

2 Timothy 3:4They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God.

Paul lists betrayal by friends as one of the characteristics of life in the last days. The fact that every generation can attest to this behavior is another reminder of the ongoing reality that Christ may return at any time.

2 Timothy 4:10Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus has gone to Dalmatia.

Desertion is one of the saddest realities that leaders face. Paul was deserted by Demas and many Christians from Asia (see 2 Timothy 1:15), and he was experiencing the relational loneliness that follows both necessary separations and hurtful desertions. All kinds of separation can be painful, but desertions can feel like betrayals.