Question 1

What does the Bible say about sexual assault?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 39:6-12Joseph was a very handsome and well-built young man, and Potiphar’s wife soon began to look at him lustfully. “Come and sleep with me,” she demanded. But Joseph refused. . . . She kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.Assault and rape sometimes begin with sexual harassment—unwanted sexual remarks, jokes, or physical advances. Even though the majority of sexual crimes are committed against women, men can experience harassment or assault as well. Joseph experienced verbal sexual harassment from his master’s wife, and in time, her advances became more physical.Genesis 34:1-2One day Dinah, the daughter of Jacob and Leah, went to visit some of the young women who lived in the area. But when the local prince, Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, saw Dinah, he seized her and raped her.2 Samuel 13:11-14As she [Tamar] was feeding him [Amnon], he grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.” “No, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel.” . . . But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her.Sexual assault is a terrible trauma. Tamar’s reaction to Amnon raping her was to try to fight. Dinah’s trauma reaction isn’t explicit in the text. Perhaps she fought and cried for help but no one wanted to confront a local prince. Perhaps she froze in fear, unable to even speak as the unthinkable happened to her. Trauma can elicit deep, instinctive reactions we don’t fully understand.Genesis 34:7-26Meanwhile, Jacob’s sons had come in from the field as soon as they heard what had happened. They were shocked and furious that their sister had been raped. . . . Simeon and Levi, who were Dinah’s full brothers, took their swords and entered the town without opposition. Then they slaughtered every male there, including Hamor and his son Shechem.It is possible to experience secondary trauma from hearing about the trauma someone else went through—especially the trauma of someone we love. Simeon and Levi likely experienced secondary trauma when they heard their sister had been raped. Their “fight” reaction to trauma was very literal and violent.Deuteronomy 22:22-27“If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil. Suppose a man meets a young woman, a virgin who is engaged to be married, and he has sexual intercourse with her. If this happens within a town, you must take both of them to the gates of that town and stone them to death. The woman is guilty because she did not scream for help. The man must die because he violated another man’s wife. In this way, you will purge this evil from among you. But if the man meets the engaged woman out in the country, and he rapes her, then only the man must die. Do nothing to the young woman; she has committed no crime worthy of death. She is as innocent as a murder victim. Since the man raped her out in the country, it must be assumed that she screamed, but there was no one to rescue her.”Because of Israel’s high calling as God’s holy people set apart from the other nations, adultery was punished by death in ancient Israel. Both the man and the woman were executed. However, if a woman screamed for help, then the man was presumed guilty of rape, but the woman was presumed innocent. It is important to note that many victims freeze in fear while being raped, so some question a law that risks punishing an innocent woman for not screaming. This is a valid concern, and illustrates the inherent difficulties of enforcing moral laws on sinful humans with limited evidence available. Every law enforced by imperfect humans with imperfect evidence carries risk of injustice. With that said, it is significant that if a man and woman had illicit sex in the country (far from people who might hear the woman scream), the woman was always given the benefit of the doubt. It was assumed that the man had raped her and that the woman was innocent. Rather than shaming a woman who is raped, Scripture goes so far as to say that “she is as innocent as a murder victim.” In other words, Scripture affirms that rape is never the victim’s fault, and in every case, the rapist is condemned.

Question 2

How could God allow sexual assault to happen?

Accepted Answer

Isaiah 53:3-5He [the Messiah] was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.Matthew 27:28-31They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him. They wove thorn branches into a crown and put it on his head, and they placed a reed stick in his right hand as a scepter. Then they knelt before him in mockery and taunted, “Hail! King of the Jews!” And they spit on him and grabbed the stick and struck him on the head with it. When they were finally tired of mocking him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him again. Then they led him away to be crucified.John 11:32-35When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept.How could a good God allow horrible evils such as rape? This is a deep question—not just intellectually, but emotionally. Before moving forward, let us remember one thing: Our God is not some distant God, content to watch us suffer from his heavenly throne. We worship Emmanuel, “God is with us” (Matthew 1:23). Jesus stepped into the worst evil and suffering humanity had to offer, and he endured it all because of his love for us. God suffers when we suffer; God weeps with us when we weep; and he can do that because he truly knows what suffering is like. As we explore this question, remember this above all else.Isaiah 42:3“He [the Messiah] will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged.”Isaiah 61:1-3The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.These passages from Isaiah prophesy about Jesus the Messiah (Matthew 12:17-21; Luke 4:17-21). Jesus truly cares for those of us who are grieving and who feel imprisoned or broken by our trauma.Genesis 1:31Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!Romans 5:12When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.Romans 8:18-23Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering.God’s original creation was very good—but now, all creation groans in pain and longing. Adam’s sin brought death into the world, and humanity’s sin continues to fester. Logically, why would God allow humanity to do such evil? Couldn’t he have stopped it? God has chosen to give humanity free will, not because this will prevent evil, but because it will allow for greater good. If God made a world full of robots, nobody would suffer. But at the same time, nobody would truly love God or love each other. In order for love to exist, it must be a free choice, and in order for free choice to exist, there must be the possibility of choosing evil.Job 1:8-12The Lord asked Satan, “Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil.” Satan replied to the Lord, “Yes, but Job has good reason to fear God. You have always put a wall of protection around him and his home and his property. You have made him prosper in everything he does. Look how rich he is! But reach out and take away everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face!” “All right, you may test him,” the Lord said to Satan.Job 1:19“Suddenly, a powerful wind swept in from the wilderness and hit the house on all sides. The house collapsed, and all your children are dead.”Job 2:7So Satan left the Lord’s presence, and he struck Job with terrible boils from head to foot.Why does God allow terrible things to happen to innocent people? The book of Job answers this question, but not in the way we might expect. Job is the most righteous man on earth, yet God allows Satan to test Job and Satan takes away Job’s wealth, his children, and even his health. Job never rejects God—but Job does ask God to show him why he deserved such suffering (Job 31:4). God answers Job by asking, “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?” (Job 38:4). In chapters 38-41, God asks Job question after question about the inner workings of creation, things that Job could not possibly know answers to. In the end, Job withdraws his question. He acknowledges that God’s ways are beyond his understanding, and he accepts that God allowed what happened to him even though he doesn’t understand why. To us, God’s response may come across as harsh, but it’s a truth we need to hear. This is a key message of the book of Job: God’s plans are beyond our understanding, and even in situations of undeserved suffering, God is good and in control. Ultimately, Job’s suffering was redeemed. Countless suffering believers have been encouraged by this ancient book.Jeremiah 51:24“I will repay Babylon and the people of Babylonia for all the wrong they have done to my people in Jerusalem,” says the Lord.Lamentations 3:17-24Peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is. I cry out, “My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!” The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”Lamentations 5:11Our enemies rape the women in Jerusalem and the young girls in all the towns of Judah.Jeremiah was a faithful prophet, yet the people persecuted him and ignored his warnings. As a result, God’s judgment came down on Jerusalem, and the nation was conquered by Babylon. The Babylonian army committed many evils, including rape, which Jeremiah grieves deeply in the book of Lamentations. Jeremiah asks the same question we ask today: Why, God? How could you allow this? Yet in the center of the book of Lamentations, in the middle of his grief bordering on despair, Jeremiah expresses faith in God’s goodness. Even after experiencing the horror of human evil to an extent most of us can only imagine, Jeremiah dared to hope in God’s faithfulness. Ultimately, God repaid Babylon for the evils they committed, and God restored his scattered and enslaved people even when it seemed impossible. Though Jeremiah did not live to see all these events, he trusted in God’s promises. Thousands of years later, we can do the same.Isaiah 53:3-5He [the Messiah] was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.2 Corinthians 1:3-5God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ.We serve a God who truly understands the grief, pain, and evil of this world. While we may never understand why God allows what he allows, we know that he grieves and suffers with us. Jesus the Messiah endured the most humiliating and excruciating torture humanity could devise because of his love for us. We can trust in that love during our own suffering.Psalm 10:17Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them.Psalm 55:17Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice.Psalm 118:5In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free.Psalm 119:76Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant.We don’t know why God allows tragedies to enter our lives. But we can know that God hurts deeply with us and loves us more than we will ever know. God didn’t create sin and evil, nor does he condone it. As long as humans live on this earth, our sinful nature will cause some to do sinful and evil acts. God has chosen to allow sin to run its course for now, but that will not be the case forever. God cares so much for humanity that he offers anyone who follows him a future place where sin and evil will never exist again. In the meantime, he comforts us and gives us the strength to work through our pain.

Question 3

Is the victim of assault or rape responsible in any way for the crime?

Accepted Answer

Deuteronomy 22:25-26“If the man meets the engaged woman out in the country, and he rapes her, then only the man must die. Do nothing to the young woman; she has committed no crime worthy of death. She is as innocent as a murder victim.”2 Samuel 13:11-14But as she [Tamar] was feeding him [Amnon], he grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.” “No, my brother!” she cried. . . . But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her.Psalms 73:8They scoff and speak only evil; in their pride they seek to crush others.Rape is a violent and controlling act against an innocent victim. The victim has no share in the blame and should not be made to feel any guilt. There is no excuse for such a terrible crime.Hebrews 3:16So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.1 John 3:20Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.Assault and rape victims often feel “dirty” and blame themselves for what happened. What if I hadn’t worn that dress? What if I hadn’t drunk too much at that party? What if, instead of freezing up, I had resisted more strongly? Sometimes, victims are even told, “It was your own fault you were raped.” This is false. Your actions do not control another person’s choices. The opposite was true: Your rapist was seeking power and control over you. Would Jesus have raped a woman because she was drunk or under-dressed? Absolutely not! Scripture warns us that sometimes our feelings condemn us when God is not condemning us (1 John 3:20). Even if we do have a sin to feel guilty about (for example, drinking too much), the solution to that guilt is not to hide in shame from God or punish ourselves by saying “I deserved what happened afterward.” God loves you, no matter how dirty or guilty you feel. Scripture encourages us to come boldly to the throne of God (Hebrews 3:16)—not because we are deserving, but because he is gracious. He knows our struggles and longs to help us!Jeremiah 20:18My entire life has been filled with trouble, sorrow, and shame.Guilt comes from disobedience to God’s laws. Shame comes from human judgments (our own or the judgments of others) and cannot be trusted to reflect God’s opinion accurately. While shame can come from our sins, it may come from social pressures, circumstances, or other experiences instead. The prophet Jeremiah was a faithful follower of God, yet he was rejected by others and experienced deep shame.Psalm 69:3-4I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched. My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me. Those who hate me without cause outnumber the hairs on my head. Many enemies try to destroy me with lies, demanding that I give back what I didn’t steal.Galatians 6:7-9Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.Many victims feel that their assault was a punishment from God for something they did wrong. As a result, their relationship with God becomes full of fear and shame. While God can use trials to correct us, there is a difference between natural consequences for our actions, human evil, and God’s judgment. For instance, the sin of drunkenness might lead to natural consequences (such as being less able to defend yourself), or the sin of immodesty might attract attention from unsavory people, but that does not mean you are inviting rape or assault, nor does it give anyone the right to assault or rape you. If someone took advantage of you, that would not be a natural consequence. That would be someone else’s choice (human evil). If a different person than your assaulter had been present in those same circumstances, you would not have been assaulted. Your assaulter chose to sin, and ultimately you are not responsible for that person’s choice. In our fallen world, many people are hurt by the sin and evil choices of others.

Question 4

How can I process my trauma after being assaulted?

Accepted Answer

2 Samuel 13:10-14Then he [Amnon] said to Tamar, “Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here.” So Tamar took his favorite dish to him. But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.” . . . since he was stronger than she was, he raped her.2 Samuel 13:18-19She was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters. But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.Most assault victims experience trauma. Like Tamar, they may grieve their loss of innocence and safety. It is common to feel fear, guilt, anxiety, and depression after trauma, though feelings will vary from person to person. Everyone experiences trauma in their own way.Psalm 51:2-3Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.Jeremiah 20:18Why was I ever born? My entire life has been filled with trouble, sorrow, and shame.Shame and guilt may feel similar, but they are very different. Guilt comes from disobedience to God’s laws (for example, David committing adultery). In contrast, people often experience shame even when they haven’t sinned. Victims of assault often feel shame, not because they did something wrong, but because something shameful was done to them. Social pressures and cultural expectations can also cause shame. For instance, the prophet Jeremiah was a faithful follower of God, yet he was rejected by others and experienced deep shame.Psalm 42:9-11“O God my rock,” I cry, “why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?” Their taunts break my bones. They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?” Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!Philippians 4:6-8Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.1 Peter 5:7Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.Many assault victims experience ongoing fear, anxiety, and depression from their trauma. When we are anxious or depressed, Scripture encourages us to remember that God is good, that he cares about us, and that he is working in our lives. The goal is to remind ourselves that our trauma, though a defining experience in our lives, does not define who we are.Proverbs 23:31-32Don’t gaze at the wine, seeing how red it is, how it sparkles in the cup, how smoothly it goes down. For in the end it bites like a poisonous snake; it stings like a viper.Isaiah 5:11What sorrow for those who get up early in the morning looking for a drink of alcohol and spend long evenings drinking wine to make themselves flaming drunk.Addiction is a way of fleeing trauma. Alcohol is just one example of this path—gambling, promiscuity, overeating, phone addiction, binging TV, and many other addictive patterns can become our go-to distraction for escaping our trauma. Within the trauma responses of fight, flight, or freeze, escapism is a flight pattern for dealing with trauma. Pleasure and enjoyment are good things. Rest is also good, and can give us strength and healing for our next challenge. However, “escaping” to pleasure whenever we feel overwhelmed or triggered by our trauma will not enable us to process our trauma well in the long-term. If we fall into a pattern of addiction, we may harm our health, our finances, and our relationships with others.Proverbs 12:18Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.Proverbs 20:5Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person with understanding will draw it out.Proverbs 27:9The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.Galatians 6:2Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.Trauma can manifest in many ways: anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, grief, etc. Often, it takes the advice of a trusted friend or the wisdom of a professional counselor to help us walk through the pain of our assault. Trauma is not something we have to face alone.Psalm 34:18The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.Psalm 77:5-7I think of the good old days, long since ended, when my nights were filled with joyful songs. I search my soul and ponder the difference now. Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me?Lamentations 3:32-33Though he [the Lord] brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.1 Peter 3:7Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.When we feel ashamed, guilty, or anxious, it can be tempting to distance ourselves from God. We might feel as though we have to “get our act together” before we can feel comfortable in his presence. Similarly, when we are grieving or angry, we might distance ourselves from God because a part of us is blaming him for allowing this evil instead of protecting us. Many assault victims even feel as though they are now “impure” and that God no longer loves them. Over and over, Scripture calls us to turn toward God, not away from him. Even if we are ashamed. Even if we are angry. Even if our faith is hanging by a thread. Especially then. The entire book of Psalms is a testimony of God listening to the messy emotions of our human experience. Bring everything to him. God loves you no matter what you feel, and he wants you to come to him no matter what you have done.

Question 5

Is there hope for recovery after being assaulted?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 11:5The Lord examines both the righteous and the wicked. He hates those who love violence.Psalm 12:5The Lord replies, “I have seen violence done to the helpless, and I have heard the groans of the poor. Now I will rise up to rescue them, as they have longed for me to do.”God hates sinful violence, and he hates it when his loved ones suffer at the hands of evil people. God sees all that happens, and he will remember those who have acted violently toward others and judge them accordingly.Lamentations 3:18-26I cry out, “My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!” The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.Jeremiah the prophet was hated by his own people. His warnings of judgment were ignored, and he was mocked, imprisoned, and nearly killed. When Babylon conquered Judah, Jeremiah witnessed his home being destroyed and his people being enslaved and raped. The book of Lamentations is the prophet Jeremiah’s expression of extreme grief. Yet in the middle of this book, Jeremiah makes his central point: Even in our extreme grief and suffering, God is good and offers us an eternal hope.Psalm 23:4Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.Psalm 103:6The Lord gives righteousness and justice to all who are treated unfairly.Psalm 118:5In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free.God has a special place in his heart for those who are abused, oppressed, or victims of violence. He draws near to them, offering them comfort and healing. Freedom can be found after assault and rape. We don’t have to be enslaved to the suffering of our trauma forever.Isaiah 40:29-31He [the Lord] gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.Isaiah 61:3To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.Matthew 12:18-20“Look at my Servant, whom I have chosen. He is my Beloved, who pleases me. . . . He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious.”Philippians 1:6I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.After a trauma such as sexual assault, we may feel we have lost our sense of who we are and feel fearful about our future. We may not ever “go back” to who we once were, but God is still at work in us, guiding us through our griefs and fears with his gentle strength. We may not know where, exactly, he is leading us, or who we will become, but he is a God who can make beauty from the ashes of despair. Trust his process.Psalm 23:4Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.Romans 12:12Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.Romans 5:3-5We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment.1 Corinthians 13:13Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.Hope is not an empty wish—it is a source of strength. Hope placed in the right place, such as in God’s goodness and our salvation, empowers us to move forward. It is crucial to walk through our pain rather than remain stuck in it.

Question 6

How can I better understand and support assault victims?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 18:2Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.Proverbs 18:13Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.Proverbs 18:15Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge.There are many misconceptions about sexual assault and rape. Most often, rape isn’t committed by a stranger in a dark alley but by someone the victim knows. Many rape victims do not scream or fight—not because they are consenting, but because they freeze up in fear or disassociate from what is happening. If we want to help victims of assault and rape, we must first recognize that some of our assumptions may be off base.Genesis 19:4-5Before they retired for the night, all the men of Sodom, young and old, came from all over the city and surrounded the house. They shouted to Lot, “Where are the men who came to spend the night with you? Bring them out to us so we can have sex with them!”Genesis 39:10-12She [Potiphar’s wife] kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.While women are sexually assaulted more often than men, men are also victims of assault or rape. It’s easy for such men to “slip through the cracks” in conversations about assault and rape. Such men may feel that they need to “tough it out” on their own, that something is wrong with them (and that’s why they were targeted), or that they aren’t “real men” because of what was done to them. Some people minimize the assault by saying, “You’re a man, of course you wanted sex.” These are all false beliefs, but for a man who has been sexually assaulted or abused, these lies may fester in their hearts for years.Proverbs 17:15Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent—both are detestable to the Lord.Proverbs 24:11-12Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die; save them as they stagger to their death. Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.” For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.Proverbs 31:8-9Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.It’s very hard for victims of rape and assault to step out and publicly accuse their assailant. Victims often experience extreme guilt and shame, even though what happened wasn’t their fault. The assailant might be somebody loved or respected by their family or community, and the victim might fear the upheaval that would come from bringing the assault to light. Even worse, they may fear their accusations won’t be believed, that people will blame them for what happened, or that people will resent them for speaking painful truths. Sadly, these fears sometimes do come true. Yet if a victim never speaks up, that sexual predator is free to continue seeking out new victims, and more people will suffer. It’s an unfair and painful situation. If an assault victim has shared their experience with you, do your best to communicate to them that you are someone they can trust. Show that you believe them, ask how you can help. Whether they choose to speak up or whether it takes all their effort to simply care for themselves, support them with your actions. That can make a world of difference.Matthew 12:20“He [the Messiah] will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle.”1 Corinthians 13:4Love is patient and kind.Many assault victims stay silent for months, years, or even decades before coming forward. While this makes prosecution of sexual predators harder and puts others at risk, some victims simply are not mentally and emotionally ready to come forward. Assault and rape are devastating, and victims often need all their strength to simply care for themselves. Have patience and compassion for assault victims who are overwhelmed as it is and are not yet ready to take a stand against their assaulter. Be cautious about projecting onto someone else what you think you would do if it happened to you.Proverbs 17:15Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent—both are detestable to the Lord.Matthew 7:15“Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves.”1 Corinthians 15:1-2I can hardly believe the report about the sexual immorality going on among you—something that even pagans don’t do. . . . You are so proud of yourselves, but you should be mourning in sorrow and shame. And you should remove this man from your fellowship.1 Timothy 5:19-20Do not listen to an accusation against an elder unless it is confirmed by two or three witnesses. Those who sin should be reprimanded in front of the whole church; this will serve as a strong warning to others.Assault and rape happen even in the church. Many Christians express caution about taking one person’s testimony against a leader at face value—and Scripture does call us to treat our leaders with respect and require multiple witnesses. Destroying a faithful leader’s career with false charges would be devastating to the leader, the leader’s family, and the entire church. However, abuse, assault, and rape are often well-hidden crimes, and victims are rarely in a state of mind to take measures to preserve evidence. Worse, many sexual predators threaten their victims into silence. If churches dismiss assault allegations because “he would never do that” and “it was only one witness,” that risks leaving a wolf free to prey among the sheep. Due diligence is necessary, but a sexual predator is a clear and present danger, and churches cannot afford to be passive. Once a crime is investigated and becomes known, 1 Timothy 5:20 calls for a firm and public rebuke of leaders who have betrayed the trust of the people they were supposed to shepherd. A Christlike ministry would never sacrifice the safety of those it serves for the sake of its own reputation.

Question 7

How can a rapist possibly be forgiven? Is granting forgiveness necessary?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 21:15Justice is a joy to the godly, but it terrifies evildoers.Romans 12:19-21Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.Justice is a good thing. It is natural to desire justice for ourselves and those we love. Pursuing justice for rapists here on earth is necessary to protect other innocent people from being hurt. It is a good thing to testify against a rapist. However, Scripture discourages us from seeking revenge, even for a crime so terrible as rape. If we are motivated primarily by hatred of the rapist, rather than concern for the safety of ourselves and others, we may be pursuing revenge more than justice.Ephesians 4:31Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.Bitterness only poisons our own souls. For those of us who have been victims of harassment, assault, or rape, the hurt is real and there are scars—physical and emotional. When justice doesn’t happen as it should, when life doesn’t seem fair, that’s when bitterness can consume us. Through our bitterness, we permit the person who assaulted us to maintain a level of power over us, and it’s essential to recognize and deal with that bitterness before it overwhelms us. Otherwise, we will not be able to find healing and move on.Matthew 5:44“But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!”Matthew 6:14-15“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”Luke 23:34Jesus said,“Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.Acts 7:59-60As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!” And with that, he died.This may be the hardest act of the Christian life: forgiving those who have wronged us terribly without any expectation that they will change or even admit what they did. Forgiveness is the only way to purge our souls of the toxins of bitterness and a vengeful spirit. The only way to forgive fully is to understand and accept that Jesus has forgiven our sins, even though we did not deserve it. Only when we seek forgiveness for our sins can we be filled with God’s Spirit. And when we are filled with his spirit’s power, we can find the strength and the grace to forgive others. When you forgive the person who harassed, abused, assaulted, or raped you, you are not saying the hurt isn’t real, or their actions were excusable, or that you will put yourself in a position where you might be harmed again. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation with the abuser. Forgiving that person means that you refuse to let that person have any more control in your life. The person who hurt you doesn’t need to be asked or told. The act of forgiveness occurs between you and God. Leave your hurt with God and allow his power to heal you from the inside so you can have a fresh start.

Question 8

I was raped and now I’m pregnant. How can I possibly love this child?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 139:13-16You [the Lord] made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. . . . You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.1 John 4:7Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.1 John 4:19We love each other because he loved us first.Even though a child is conceived through a tragedy like rape, the child belongs first and foremost to God. He is the creator of life, even the life inside a woman. Only he can fill the rape victim’s heart with love for her child and create joy, even in the worst of circumstances.

Question 9

Can God forgive a person who is guilty of assault?

Accepted Answer

Luke 23:34Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.Acts 2:21“‘But everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’”God will forgive any sin, not just certain ones. His mercy is available to anyone who turns to him in repentance, regardless of what they have done.2 Chronicles 33:6, 13Manasseh also sacrificed his own sons in the fire in the valley of Ben-Hinnom. . . . when he prayed, the Lord listened to him and was moved by his request. So the Lord brought Manasseh back to Jerusalem and to his kingdom. Then Manasseh finally realized that the Lord alone is God!Acts 8:1-3Saul [the apostle Paul] was one of the witnesses, and he agreed completely with the killing of Stephen. . . . Saul was going everywhere to destroy the church. He went from house to house, dragging out both men and women to throw them into prison.1 Timothy 1:15-16This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.Manasseh was perhaps the most wicked king in Judah’s history—he even burned his own sons to death as a sacrifice to a false god. Later in life, however, he sought God’s forgiveness and God did forgive him, transforming him into a man who did great things for his nation out of his love for God. Similarly, the apostle Paul participated in the imprisonment and even murder of Christians before he met Jesus. No sinner is too wicked for God to save; no sin is too vile for God to forgive. His mercy is available to anyone who calls on him, regardless of their past. If you have committed assault, you must still accept the consequences for your sins, but you are not out of reach of God’s forgiveness if your heart is truly sincere in desiring change.