How can I process my trauma after being assaulted?
2 Samuel 13:10-14Then he [Amnon] said to Tamar, “Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here.” So Tamar took his favorite dish to him. But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.” . . . since he was stronger than she was, he raped her.
2 Samuel 13:18-19She was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters. But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.
Most assault victims experience trauma. Like Tamar, they may grieve their loss of innocence and safety. It is common to feel fear, guilt, anxiety, and depression after trauma, though feelings will vary from person to person. Everyone experiences trauma in their own way.
Psalm 51:2-3Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.
Jeremiah 20:18Why was I ever born? My entire life has been filled with trouble, sorrow, and shame.
Shame and guilt may feel similar, but they are very different. Guilt comes from disobedience to God’s laws (for example, David committing adultery). In contrast, people often experience shame even when they haven’t sinned. Victims of assault often feel shame, not because they did something wrong, but because something shameful was done to them. Social pressures and cultural expectations can also cause shame. For instance, the prophet Jeremiah was a faithful follower of God, yet he was rejected by others and experienced deep shame.
Psalm 42:9-11“O God my rock,” I cry, “why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?” Their taunts break my bones. They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?” Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!
Philippians 4:6-8Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
1 Peter 5:7Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
Many assault victims experience ongoing fear, anxiety, and depression from their trauma. When we are anxious or depressed, Scripture encourages us to remember that God is good, that he cares about us, and that he is working in our lives. The goal is to remind ourselves that our trauma, though a defining experience in our lives, does not define who we are.
Proverbs 23:31-32Don’t gaze at the wine, seeing how red it is, how it sparkles in the cup, how smoothly it goes down. For in the end it bites like a poisonous snake; it stings like a viper.
Isaiah 5:11What sorrow for those who get up early in the morning looking for a drink of alcohol and spend long evenings drinking wine to make themselves flaming drunk.
Addiction is a way of fleeing trauma. Alcohol is just one example of this path—gambling, promiscuity, overeating, phone addiction, binging TV, and many other addictive patterns can become our go-to distraction for escaping our trauma. Within the trauma responses of fight, flight, or freeze, escapism is a flight pattern for dealing with trauma. Pleasure and enjoyment are good things. Rest is also good, and can give us strength and healing for our next challenge. However, “escaping” to pleasure whenever we feel overwhelmed or triggered by our trauma will not enable us to process our trauma well in the long-term. If we fall into a pattern of addiction, we may harm our health, our finances, and our relationships with others.
Proverbs 12:18Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.
Proverbs 20:5Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person with understanding will draw it out.
Proverbs 27:9The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.
Galatians 6:2Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.
Trauma can manifest in many ways: anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, grief, etc. Often, it takes the advice of a trusted friend or the wisdom of a professional counselor to help us walk through the pain of our assault. Trauma is not something we have to face alone.
Psalm 34:18The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Psalm 77:5-7I think of the good old days, long since ended, when my nights were filled with joyful songs. I search my soul and ponder the difference now. Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me?
Lamentations 3:32-33Though he [the Lord] brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.
1 Peter 3:7Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
When we feel ashamed, guilty, or anxious, it can be tempting to distance ourselves from God. We might feel as though we have to “get our act together” before we can feel comfortable in his presence. Similarly, when we are grieving or angry, we might distance ourselves from God because a part of us is blaming him for allowing this evil instead of protecting us. Many assault victims even feel as though they are now “impure” and that God no longer loves them. Over and over, Scripture calls us to turn toward God, not away from him. Even if we are ashamed. Even if we are angry. Even if our faith is hanging by a thread. Especially then. The entire book of Psalms is a testimony of God listening to the messy emotions of our human experience. Bring everything to him. God loves you no matter what you feel, and he wants you to come to him no matter what you have done.
