How can I better understand and support assault victims?
Proverbs 18:2Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.
Proverbs 18:13Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.
Proverbs 18:15Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge.
There are many misconceptions about sexual assault and rape. Most often, rape isn’t committed by a stranger in a dark alley but by someone the victim knows. Many rape victims do not scream or fight—not because they are consenting, but because they freeze up in fear or disassociate from what is happening. If we want to help victims of assault and rape, we must first recognize that some of our assumptions may be off base.
Genesis 19:4-5Before they retired for the night, all the men of Sodom, young and old, came from all over the city and surrounded the house. They shouted to Lot, “Where are the men who came to spend the night with you? Bring them out to us so we can have sex with them!”
Genesis 39:10-12She [Potiphar’s wife] kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.
While women are sexually assaulted more often than men, men are also victims of assault or rape. It’s easy for such men to “slip through the cracks” in conversations about assault and rape. Such men may feel that they need to “tough it out” on their own, that something is wrong with them (and that’s why they were targeted), or that they aren’t “real men” because of what was done to them. Some people minimize the assault by saying, “You’re a man, of course you wanted sex.” These are all false beliefs, but for a man who has been sexually assaulted or abused, these lies may fester in their hearts for years.
Proverbs 17:15Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent—both are detestable to the Lord.
Proverbs 24:11-12Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die; save them as they stagger to their death. Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.” For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.
Proverbs 31:8-9Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
It’s very hard for victims of rape and assault to step out and publicly accuse their assailant. Victims often experience extreme guilt and shame, even though what happened wasn’t their fault. The assailant might be somebody loved or respected by their family or community, and the victim might fear the upheaval that would come from bringing the assault to light. Even worse, they may fear their accusations won’t be believed, that people will blame them for what happened, or that people will resent them for speaking painful truths. Sadly, these fears sometimes do come true. Yet if a victim never speaks up, that sexual predator is free to continue seeking out new victims, and more people will suffer. It’s an unfair and painful situation. If an assault victim has shared their experience with you, do your best to communicate to them that you are someone they can trust. Show that you believe them, ask how you can help. Whether they choose to speak up or whether it takes all their effort to simply care for themselves, support them with your actions. That can make a world of difference.
Matthew 12:20“He [the Messiah] will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle.”
1 Corinthians 13:4Love is patient and kind.
Many assault victims stay silent for months, years, or even decades before coming forward. While this makes prosecution of sexual predators harder and puts others at risk, some victims simply are not mentally and emotionally ready to come forward. Assault and rape are devastating, and victims often need all their strength to simply care for themselves. Have patience and compassion for assault victims who are overwhelmed as it is and are not yet ready to take a stand against their assaulter. Be cautious about projecting onto someone else what you think you would do if it happened to you.
Proverbs 17:15Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent—both are detestable to the Lord.
Matthew 7:15“Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves.”
1 Corinthians 15:1-2I can hardly believe the report about the sexual immorality going on among you—something that even pagans don’t do. . . . You are so proud of yourselves, but you should be mourning in sorrow and shame. And you should remove this man from your fellowship.
1 Timothy 5:19-20Do not listen to an accusation against an elder unless it is confirmed by two or three witnesses. Those who sin should be reprimanded in front of the whole church; this will serve as a strong warning to others.
Assault and rape happen even in the church. Many Christians express caution about taking one person’s testimony against a leader at face value—and Scripture does call us to treat our leaders with respect and require multiple witnesses. Destroying a faithful leader’s career with false charges would be devastating to the leader, the leader’s family, and the entire church. However, abuse, assault, and rape are often well-hidden crimes, and victims are rarely in a state of mind to take measures to preserve evidence. Worse, many sexual predators threaten their victims into silence. If churches dismiss assault allegations because “he would never do that” and “it was only one witness,” that risks leaving a wolf free to prey among the sheep. Due diligence is necessary, but a sexual predator is a clear and present danger, and churches cannot afford to be passive. Once a crime is investigated and becomes known, 1 Timothy 5:20 calls for a firm and public rebuke of leaders who have betrayed the trust of the people they were supposed to shepherd. A Christlike ministry would never sacrifice the safety of those it serves for the sake of its own reputation.
