Question 1

What can we learn from how people in the Bible responded to trauma?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 34:1-2One day Dinah, the daughter of Jacob and Leah, went to visit some of the young women who lived in the area. But when the local prince, Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, saw Dinah, he seized her and raped her.2 Samuel 13:11-14As she [Tamar] was feeding him, he [Amnon] grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.” “No, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel.” . . . But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her.Rape is terrible trauma. Tamar’s reaction to Amnon raping her was to try to fight. Dinah’s trauma reaction isn’t explicit in the text. Perhaps she fought and cried for help but no one wanted to confront a local prince. Perhaps she froze in fear, unable to even speak as the unthinkable happened to her. Traumatic experiences can elicit deep, instinctive reactions that we don’t fully understand.Genesis 34:7-26Meanwhile, Jacob’s sons had come in from the field as soon as they heard what had happened. They were shocked and furious that their sister had been raped. . . . Simeon and Levi, who were Dinah’s full brothers, took their swords and entered the town without opposition. Then they slaughtered every male there, including Hamor and his son Shechem.It is possible to experience secondary trauma from hearing about the trauma someone else went through—especially the trauma of someone we love. Simeon and Levi likely experienced secondary trauma when they heard their sister had been raped. Their “fight” reaction to trauma was very literal and violent.Genesis 9:20-21After the flood, Noah began to cultivate the ground, and he planted a vineyard. One day he drank some wine he had made, and he became drunk and lay naked inside his tent.Noah experienced the trauma of years of ridicule and rejection. Then he experienced the trauma of the greatest natural disaster of all time and the trauma of having to face a whole new world after all that destruction. Such compound and complex trauma can often lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms—such as trying to drink away life’s pains.Genesis 37:23-28When Joseph arrived, his brothers ripped off the beautiful robe he was wearing. Then they grabbed him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it. . . . So when the Ishmaelites, who were Midianite traders, came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers. Trauma can arise from betrayal.Genesis 39:6-20Joseph was a very handsome and well-built young man, and Potiphar’s wife soon began to look at him lustfully. . . . She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house. When she saw that she was holding his cloak and he had fled, she called out to her servants. Soon all the men came running. “Look!” she said. “My husband has brought this Hebrew slave here to make fools of us! He came into my room to rape me, but I screamed. When he heard me scream, he ran outside and got away, but he left his cloak behind with me.” . . . Potiphar was furious when he heard his wife’s story about how Joseph had treated her. So he took Joseph and threw him into the prison where the king’s prisoners were held, and there he remained.Genesis 40:13-23“Within three days Pharaoh will lift you up and restore you to your position as his chief cup-bearer. And please remember me and do me a favor when things go well for you. Mention me to Pharaoh, so he might let me out of this place.” . . . Pharaoh’s chief cup-bearer, however, forgot all about Joseph, never giving him another thought.Joseph not only dealt with the trauma of his brothers’ betrayal, but also with the trauma of being sold into slavery in a faraway land, the trauma of being falsely accused by his master’s wife, and the trauma of being thrown into prison. Each of the later traumas happened because of that initial trauma of betrayal, thus the later traumas compounded on top of the initial trauma.Joseph’s life was a constant reminder of the traumas he had experienced, and the complexity of those traumas affected Joseph in a variety of areas. He should have been able to trust his family, but his brothers betrayed him. He should have been able to trust his boss, but his boss threw him into jail on false charges. He should have been able to trust his friend to put in a good word for him, but his friend forgot about him. Such trauma is complex, which can create far-reaching distrust, and cannot be reduced to a single event or context. Serial experiences like Joseph’s can create in us deep distrust of other people, even distrust of those close to us.Lamentations 1:3Judah has been led away into captivity, oppressed with cruel slavery. She lives among foreign nations and has no place of rest. Her enemies have chased her down, and she has nowhere to turn.Lamentations 1:10The enemy has plundered her completely, taking every precious thing she owns. She has seen foreigners violate her sacred Temple, the place the Lord had forbidden them to enter.Lamentations 3:19-20The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.Jeremiah lived during the time of the Babylonian conquest of Jerusalem. He endured the traumas of seeing his city—and even God’s holy Temple—looted and destroyed. After that, he was forced to flee to an exile in Egypt. The shock and grief from his loss was a difficult trauma to process. Instead of trying to suppress his experiences or avoid them, however, Jeremiah was honest about his emotions. He shared all that was on his heart with God.Lamentations 3:18I cry out, “My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!”Lamentations 4:20Our king—the Lord’s anointed, the very life of our nation—was caught in their snares. We had thought that his shadow would protect us against any nation on earth!Very often, people who experience trauma did not (and could not) see the traumatic events coming. Sometimes, even when warnings are there—in Jeremiah’s case, an invading army—it seems too terrible to believe. For Jeremiah, the loss of God’s anointed king was one of these shocking and traumatic experiences.Ruth 1:3-5Then Elimelech died, and Naomi was left with her two sons. . . . But about ten years later, both Mahlon and Kilion died. This left Naomi alone, without her two sons or her husband.Grief does not always lead to trauma, but the unexpected loss of a loved one often leads to traumatic grief. We may not know the details of her husband’s death, but doubtless, Naomi never expected her sons to die before she did, much less to die in the same year.Matthew 26:33-35Peter declared, “Even if everyone else deserts you, I will never desert you.” Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, Peter—this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny three times that you even know me.” “No!” Peter insisted. “Even if I have to die with you, I will never deny you!”Luke 22:60-62Peter said, “Man, I don’t know what you are talking about.” And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. At that moment the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Suddenly, the Lord’s words flashed through Peter’s mind: “Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me.” And Peter left the courtyard, weeping bitterly.Peter not only experienced the trauma of Jesus’ arrest and crucifixion. He experienced the traumatic guilt and shame over breaking his promise and abandoning Jesus in his darkest hour.Exodus 1:11So the Egyptians made the Israelites their slaves. They appointed brutal slave drivers over them, hoping to wear them down with crushing labor.Numbers 14:3-4“Why is the Lord taking us to this country only to have us die in battle? Our wives and our little ones will be carried off as plunder! Wouldn’t it be better for us to return to Egypt?” Then they plotted among themselves, “Let’s choose a new leader and go back to Egypt!”When trauma is repeated and reinforced, it sometimes begins to shape our identity. The Israelites suffered as slaves, but it was a familiar suffering. When new opportunities—with new dangers—arose, their old traumas had so shaped their identities that they decided they would rather cling to their lives of slavery than form a new identity as God’s people and as warriors.John 4:6-7, 16-17Jacob’s well was there; and Jesus, tired from the long walk, sat wearily beside the well about noontime. Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water . . . “Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her. “I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied. Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband—for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”Noon is the hottest time of day and the worst time of day to be carrying a heavy jar of water from a well. So why was the woman drawing water at noon? Reading further hints at the answer: Her life was marked by one relational failure after another, and she may have been deeply ashamed to be seen by others. So she went to the well to draw water when no one else would be there. Whether her trauma was rooted in broken marriages, the shaming and mockery of society, her loneliness and isolation, or all of the above, the woman at the well clearly endured a great deal of trauma. This kind of traumatic response is known as a “flight” reaction.Daniel 3:1-7King Nebuchadnezzar made a gold statue ninety feet tall and nine feet wide and set it up on the plain of Dura in the province of Babylon. . . . Then a herald shouted out, “People of all races and nations and languages, listen to the king’s command! When you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes, and other musical instruments, bow to the ground to worship King Nebuchadnezzar’s gold statue. Anyone who refuses to obey will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace.” So at the sound of the musical instruments, all the people, whatever their race or nation or language, bowed to the ground and worshiped the gold statue that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.“Fawning” is a trauma reaction centered on people-pleasing. Often, when someone has experienced a traumatic instance of anger, punishment, rejection, or other negative interpersonal experience, their instinctive reaction to conflict becomes trying to appease the person they are in conflict with. The people of Babylon were very familiar with the violent punishments King Nebuchadnezzar had dealt out in the past, and this threat of a fiery furnace was more than enough to trigger a fawning response.Judges 6:3, 11-17Whenever the Israelites planted their crops, marauders from Midian, Amalek, and the people of the east would attack Israel . . . Gideon son of Joash was threshing wheat at the bottom of a winepress to hide the grain from the Midianites. The angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, “Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!” . . . Gideon replied, “If you are truly going to help me, show me a sign to prove that it is really the Lord speaking to me.”Judges 6:36-39Then Gideon said to God, “If you are truly going to use me to rescue Israel as you promised, prove it to me . . . Then Gideon said to God, “Please don’t be angry with me, but let me make one more request. Let me use the fleece for one more test.”Gideon and his people had been so traumatized by the Midianite raiders that even after an angel appeared to Gideon, it took several miraculous signs to persuade Gideon that God would be with him. Each miracle should have erased Gideon’s doubts, but the constant fear, anxiety, and second-guessing of the last several years kept freezing Gideon and hindering him from moving forward. Yet God still chose Gideon, and God was patient with Gideon. In the end, Gideon truly became the mighty warrior God knew he could be.John 20:19That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders.After the trauma of Jesus’ arrest and crucifixion, the disciples seem to have shown the “freeze” reaction to trauma. They likely felt paralyzed and unable to do anything except keep their heads down and hope they wouldn’t be noticed.

Question 2

How does God respond to our trauma?

Accepted Answer

Isaiah 42:3“He [the Lord’s Servant] will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged.”Isaiah 61:1-3The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.Each of these passages from Isaiah is a prophecy about Jesus (see Matthew 12:17-21; Luke 4:17-21). Jesus truly cares for those of us who are grieving and who feel imprisoned or broken by our trauma.1 Kings 19:3-9Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.” Then he lay down and slept under the broom tree. But as he was sleeping, an angel touched him and told him, “Get up and eat!” He looked around and there beside his head was some bread baked on hot stones and a jar of water! So he ate and drank and lay down again. Then the angel of the Lord came again and touched him and said, “Get up and eat some more, or the journey ahead will be too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank, and the food gave him enough strength to travel forty days and forty nights to Mount Sinai, the mountain of God. There he came to a cave, where he spent the night.Elijah’s trauma had left him grieving, depressed, suicidal, and isolated from others. Yet when he cried out to God, God didn’t lecture him. In fact, God’s first response was to let Elijah take a nap, then to wake him up to provide him with food and water. Finally, once Elijah was strong enough, God called him on a long journey (both literal and metaphorical) to lead him to a healthier place. God cares for our well-being, and he knows that recovering from trauma is a process.1 Kings 19:9-13The Lord said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.” “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”God is infinitely powerful, and he showed that power to Elijah. Yet when he spoke to Elijah, he did not speak through thunderous words and shame Elijah for doubting him. Instead, after demonstrating his power, the Lord spoke in a gentle whisper, inviting Elijah to share what weighed on his heart.1 Kings 19:13-14A voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He replied again, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”Catastrophizing is a trauma reaction that distorts our perceptions of reality. When we catastrophize, we assume the worst so that if something bad happens, we won’t be as surprised and shocked by it like we were by our past trauma experiences. Sometimes, we catastrophize by exaggerating painful truths and the likelihood of future pain. Other times—like Elijah—we may present some painful truths accurately, but ignore other hopeful truths that are equally real. Unfortunately, this only worsens the effects of our trauma and encourages anxiety and depression.1 Kings 19:15-18Then the Lord told him, “Go back the same way you came, and travel to the wilderness of Damascus. When you arrive there, anoint Hazael to be king of Aram. Then anoint Jehu grandson of Nimshi to be king of Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from the town of Abel-meholah to replace you as my prophet. . . . Yet I will preserve 7,000 others in Israel who have never bowed down to Baal or kissed him!”When Elijah catastrophized, God did not belittle Elijah’s traumatic experiences. However, he did challenge the lie that Elijah was alone, and he took steps to show Elijah the truth, promising Elijah that 7,000 believers remained in Israel. God did not offer Elijah comfort only through words, however. He also led Elijah to a new friend and fellow believer who would carry on his work—Elisha.Exodus 2:11-15Many years later, when Moses had grown up, he went out to visit his own people, the Hebrews, and he saw how hard they were forced to work. During his visit, he saw an Egyptian beating one of his fellow Hebrews. After looking in all directions to make sure no one was watching, Moses killed the Egyptian and hid the body in the sand. The next day, when Moses went out to visit his people again, he saw two Hebrew men fighting. “Why are you beating up your friend?” Moses said to the one who had started the fight. The man replied, “Who appointed you to be our prince and judge? Are you going to kill me as you killed that Egyptian yesterday?” Then Moses was afraid, thinking, “Everyone knows what I did.” And sure enough, Pharaoh heard what had happened, and he tried to kill Moses. But Moses fled from Pharaoh and went to live in the land of Midian.Exodus 3:6-12“I am the God of your father—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.”Exodus 3:11-12Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” God answered, “I will be with you.Both Moses’s identity as an Egyptian prince and his identity as a Hebrew were shattered when he was rejected by both Pharaoh and his people. He spent forty years in Midian, creating a new identity—and a new family—for himself. Moses tried to hide from his old identity and his past, but in the end God used that past for a greater purpose. God doesn’t always call us back to the place and people where our trauma occurred, but sometimes he does. Sometimes, going back and discovering that our experiences did not destroy us, that they don’t have power over us, can be freeing. Not everyone needs to face their trauma like this, and not everyone can. But God called Moses to face the traumas of his past, and Moses grew to be a better person and leader because of it.Genesis 16:4-13So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt. . . . Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away. The angel of the Lord found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. The angel said to her, “Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,” she replied. The angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit to her authority.” Then he added, “I will give you more descendants than you can count.” And the angel also said, “You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means ‘God hears’), for the Lord has heard your cry of distress. . . . Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.”Abraham and Sarah grew impatient for God’s promise of a child, so, following an ancient practice of the time, Sarah made her servant, Hagar, try to bear a child for her. This wasn’t God’s plan for them, and it caused a great deal of anger and hurt feelings for all involved. To some, Hagar might have seemed insignificant and unworthy of mercy. After all, Hagar was a lowly servant, and she had contributed to the problem by the way she treated Sarah. But God saw Hagar, he saw the pain Hagar was going through, and he not only protected her and her child—he gave Hagar the honor of being the mother of a great nation (see Genesis 21:8-21). Even if our trauma is intertwined with our own sins, God will not abandon us.Judges 6:39-40Gideon said to God, “Please don’t be angry with me, but let me make one more request. Let me use the fleece for one more test. This time let the fleece remain dry while the ground around it is wet with dew.” So that night God did as Gideon asked. The fleece was dry in the morning, but the ground was covered with dew.Judges 7:9-11That night the Lord said, “Get up! Go down into the Midianite camp, for I have given you victory over them! But if you are afraid to attack, go down to the camp with your servant Purah. Listen to what the Midianites are saying, and you will be greatly encouraged.”Gideon’s trauma left him constantly fearful and second-guessing God’s power over Israel’s oppression by the Midianites. God could have become frustrated or angry with Gideon’s struggling faith. God could have called someone else. Yet God still chose Gideon, and God was patient with Gideon, even sending him a final miraculous encouragement without Gideon even asking. God doesn’t expect perfection—only enough trust to take the next step. In the end, Gideon trusted despite his fears, and he truly became the mighty warrior God knew he could be.

Question 3

How can I find my identity in Christ despite my trauma?

Accepted Answer

John 9:1-3As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered.All his life, the blind man had faced the question of what he had done to deserve his blindness. As the disciples’ question shows, many people of that time believed that disabilities were God’s punishment for some sin committed. In the same way, it is common for those of us with trauma to blame ourselves and think we must have done something to deserve what happened to us. Yet Jesus makes it clear that the decades this man had spent begging on the streets were not his fault.John 5:5-7One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?” “I can’t, sir,” the sick man said, “for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”The sick man at the pool of Bethesda struggled with the opposite problem from the blind man. Instead of blaming himself, he blamed everything and everyone else. This created a bitter victim’s mentality so that, when Jesus himself was standing in front of the man and offering him healing, the sick man’s first reaction was to stifle that opportunity with excuses. Defining ourselves, and our future, by our past traumas can become a toxic self-fulfilling prophecy.John 5:8-15Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” Instantly, the man was healed! He rolled up his sleeping mat and began walking! But this miracle happened on the Sabbath, so the Jewish leaders objected. They said to the man who was cured, “You can’t work on the Sabbath! The law doesn’t allow you to carry that sleeping mat!” But he replied, “The man who healed me told me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’” “Who said such a thing as that?” they demanded. The man didn’t know, for Jesus had disappeared into the crowd. But afterward Jesus found him in the Temple and told him, “Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse may happen to you.” Then the man went and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had healed him.When trauma roots itself into our identities, it often traps us in negative mindsets and behavioral patterns that stem from that identity. The sick man at the pool of Bethesda found his identity in being a victim. Even after the source of his trauma had been healed, he clung to that sense of victimhood, and when the Jewish leaders criticized the healing, he was quick to blame Jesus. Unlearning an unhealthy trauma pattern isn’t an easy process, but recognizing it for what it is can be a strong first step.John 21:14-17This was the third time Jesus had appeared to his disciples since he had been raised from the dead. After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.” “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him. Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.” “Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said. A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.”In the weeks following Jesus’ resurrection, Peter likely still suffered from significant trauma that he needed to sort through. The traumatic experience at the forefront of his mind was likely his threefold denial of Jesus. He had failed Jesus when it had mattered most—how could Jesus ever love or trust him now? Jesus met Peter in his trauma by mirroring Peter’s three denials. Three times, Jesus asked, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter answered in affirmation each time, and the Scripture says he was hurt that Jesus felt the need to ask him a third time. Peter may have doubted his ability to follow Jesus, but he did not doubt his love for Jesus. Jesus affirmed this part of Peter’s identity that was still intact, and he used it as a bridge to help Peter realize he was not too broken for God to use him.John 21:18-19“I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”Jesus encouraged Peter with a promise that one day, Peter would face the ultimate test of loyalty—and this time, he would pass. Then Jesus repeated the call that Peter had first heard all those years ago at Galilee: “Follow me.” The world had changed. Peter had changed. There was no way to go back to how things had been before. But Jesus made it clear that his love for Peter and his call for Peter had stayed the same. This helped Peter connect his life before trauma to his present so he could find closure—and purpose—once more.Matthew 9:9-13As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at his tax collector’s booth. “Follow me and be my disciple,” Jesus said to him. So Matthew got up and followed him. Later, Matthew invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum?” When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.” Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”Sometimes, our trauma is intertwined with patterns of sin in our lives that make us feel unworthy of being healed. Tax collectors were liars, cheats, and traitors to their people. The Pharisees considered it scandalous for Jesus to eat with such people, much less to make one a disciple. But when Jesus looked at Matthew, he didn’t simply see a traitor and a cheat. He saw a man whose heart was open to change and growth. Perhaps a local church or other believers have rejected you in a way similar to how the Pharisees treated Matthew. Know that Jesus loves you and calls you anyway.2 Corinthians 11:24-30Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles . . . If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am.2 Corinthians 12:8-10Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.After trauma, we often feel like we lack control. Paul experienced natural disasters, violence, and rejection on many fronts. At a more personal level, he also dealt with a “thorn in his flesh”—perhaps a physical ailment, a temptation, or an emotional struggle—that he begged God to take away. Yet God allowed the struggle to remain. Paul’s weakness could have left him in a place of fear, but instead, Paul grounded his confidence in God. Our knowledge is limited. Our strength runs out. Our skills fall short. But God’s faithfulness never falters, and because of that, we can persevere.1 Corinthians 15:9-10I [the apostle Paul] am the least of all the apostles. In fact, I’m not even worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted God’s church. But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me—and not without results. For I have worked harder than any of the other apostles; yet it was not I but God who was working through me by his grace.2 Corinthians 4:7-10We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.Paul likely wrestled with guilt and trauma from the way he had persecuted innocent believers before meeting Christ. He could have easily struggled with insecurities because of his sinful past. On the other hand, Paul could easily have become arrogant because of his successful ministry. Both of these errors would have grounded Paul’s identity in his works rather than in his faith. But Paul’s ministry was not fueled by a shame over what he had done or a fear over what he could and couldn’t accomplish—it was fueled by a love for Jesus and what Jesus had already done. His confidence was not in the clay jar, but in the treasure it contained.Genesis 50:20“You [Joseph’s brothers] intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.”John 9:2-3“Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”1 Corinthians 13:11-12Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.Scripture encourages us to find meaning and purpose even in traumatic events. What happened may have been horrific—like Joseph’s story of being sold into slavery by his own family. What happened may have beaten us down over and over—like the blind man forced to beg for his survival year after year. Yet even deep traumas do not mean God has abandoned us. Here on earth, it is impossible for us to find meaning in everything or understand God’s greater plan entirely, but when we catch glimpses of that truth, it can give us hope.2 Corinthians 1:3-4All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.Colossians 1:24I am glad when I suffer for you in my body, for I am participating in the sufferings of Christ that continue for his body, the church.“Altruistic coping” is a healthy, hopeful trauma reaction. Grief and trauma can be turned into opportunities to grow in empathy and better express God’s love to others who are suffering. By learning from our trauma so we can better ease the suffering of others, we can discover purpose and meaning in our pain.Matthew 6:25-26“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?”Romans 8:38-39I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.Philippians 4:6Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.Fear, anxiety, and panic attacks sometimes stem from trauma. God doesn’t want us to live in fear. Nothing is too small to pray about to our loving heavenly Father, and nothing is so big that it can separate us from him.2 Corinthians 4:17Our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!1 Peter 5:10In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.Paul endured widespread social rejection, imprisonment, being whipped (on multiple occasions), having stones thrown at him until he was presumed dead, and many more terrible sufferings. Yet he considered these sufferings small and temporary in light of the coming glory. Paul never pretends his trauma didn’t happen, but he chooses to define himself by something greater than his trauma.Genesis 3:8-11When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”Whether our trauma comes from our own sin (like Adam’s) or from circumstances outside our control, trauma often leads to shame. We feel broken, like we no longer know who we are. We feel terrified that others will see us differently. Like Adam and Eve, we hide from God and others to avoid our shame. Unfortunately, this often distances us from those who could help us the most.John 8:44“When he [Satan] lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.”1 John 3:1See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!1 John 3:20Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.Sometimes, we blame ourselves for our trauma. A rape victim might blame herself because of what she wore. Someone who lost a loved one to suicide might blame himself for not noticing the warning signs. Satan loves lies like these, and he will keep spreading them so we will embrace their false shame and make it our identity. He wants us to feel worthless, broken, damaged, and unlovable. Once we recognize these lies for what they are, it is easier to remind ourselves of the truth. Regardless of what has happened to us, we are God’s children, and he calls us worthy.Lamentations 3:14My own people laugh at me. All day long they sing their mocking songs.Sometimes, the lies about our identity are reinforced by other people. Bullies and abusers, for instance, often weaponize shame to control their victims—in a family, at work, even in the community of believers.Exodus 3:11Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?”Judges 6:15“But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!”Moses and Gideon’s trauma trapped them in shame. They had both been unable to protect their people from oppression and they felt helpless, even worthless. Yet one step of obedience at a time, both of them found purpose in God and his calling. Their understanding of who they were outgrew the shame and trauma of their past. None of us are beyond God’s reach. He can use us despite our trauma and our failings.

Question 4

Should I forgive someone who caused me trauma?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 37:28Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.Genesis 42:6-22Since Joseph was governor of all Egypt and in charge of selling grain to all the people, it was to him that his brothers came. When they arrived, they bowed before him with their faces to the ground. Joseph recognized his brothers instantly, but he pretended to be a stranger and spoke harshly to them. . . . “As I said, you are spies! This is how I will test your story. I swear by the life of Pharaoh that you will never leave Egypt unless your youngest brother comes here! One of you must go and get your brother. I’ll keep the rest of you here in prison. Then we’ll find out whether or not your story is true.” . . . Speaking among themselves, they said, “Clearly we are being punished because of what we did to Joseph long ago. We saw his anguish when he pleaded for his life, but we wouldn’t listen. That’s why we’re in this trouble.” “Didn’t I tell you not to sin against the boy?” Reuben asked. “But you wouldn’t listen. And now we have to answer for his blood!”Joseph’s brothers had sold him into slavery. When Joseph saw his brothers again, years later, he was a powerful leader in Egypt, and they didn’t recognize him. Joseph could have immediately told them who he was and reunited with his family, but he wisely used his anonymity to test his brothers to see if they regretted the way they had treated him.Genesis 42:23-24Of course, they didn’t know that Joseph understood them, for he had been speaking to them through an interpreter. Now he turned away from them and began to weep. When he regained his composure, he spoke to them again.Facing his brothers—and hearing them talk about what they had done to him—was incredibly difficult for Joseph to do. It didn’t matter how successful Joseph was now or how far he had come. The trauma still hurt. Not only did Joseph experience the traumas of being betrayed by his family and sold into slavery, but he experienced other traumas—including being falsely accused and thrown into jail. These additional traumas also happened because of his brothers, which made it that much harder to reconcile with them. Multiple times, the emotions Joseph was wrestling with brought him to tears. Giving a broken relationship a second chance and re-processing the trauma it entails is not always the best choice for everyone. Still, for those who choose to do so, we can learn from Joseph’s wise caution toward his brothers, his patience in taking time to process, and his willingness to forgive.Genesis 44:1-44When his brothers were ready to leave, Joseph gave these instructions to his palace manager: “Fill each of their sacks with as much grain as they can carry, and put each man’s money back into his sack. Then put my personal silver cup at the top of the youngest brother’s sack, along with the money for his grain.” So the manager did as Joseph instructed him. The brothers were up at dawn and were sent on their journey with their loaded donkeys. But when they had gone only a short distance and were barely out of the city, Joseph said to his palace manager, “Chase after them and stop them . . .” The palace manager searched the brothers’ sacks, from the oldest to the youngest. And the cup was found in Benjamin’s sack! When the brothers saw this, they tore their clothing in despair. . . . “No,” Joseph said. “. . . Only the man who stole the cup will be my slave. The rest of you may go back to your father in peace.” Then Judah stepped forward and said, “Please, my lord, let your servant say just one word to you. . . . let me stay here as a slave instead of the boy, and let the boy return with his brothers. For how can I return to my father if the boy is not with me? I couldn’t bear to see the anguish this would cause my father!”Joseph gave his brothers the ultimate test: Either they could leave their father’s favorite son as a slave in Egypt, or they themselves would face the wrath of one of the most powerful men in Egypt. The brothers Joseph had known all those years ago would have gladly abandoned the favored brother and gone home free, but this time, Joseph’s older brother Judah offered himself as a slave in Benjamin’s place. Sometimes people do change and prove themselves worthy of trust again.Matthew 5:44“But I [Jesus] say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!”Matthew 6:14-15“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”Luke 23:34Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”Romans 12:19Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. Forgiving an abuser, a betrayer, or an enemy means that you refuse to let them have any more control in your life. The person who hurt you doesn’t need to be asked or told. The act of forgiveness occurs between you and God. Leave your hurt with God and allow his power to heal you from the inside so you can have a fresh start.

Question 5

How can I help others who are struggling with trauma?

Accepted Answer

Job 10:1“I [Job] am disgusted with my life. Let me complain freely. My bitter soul must complain.”Psalm 69:20Their insults have broken my heart, and I am in despair. If only one person would show some pity; if only one would turn and comfort me.Proverbs 25:20Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.Romans 12:15Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.Pretending that someone’s trauma never happened and does not affect their life is like rubbing salt in a wound. It is difficult to be with someone who is struggling with trauma, but we don’t need to come up with the right words to make it all go away. We cannot. Acknowledging that their pain is real and being present with them is often the best way we can help. It’s certainly the best place to start.Job 30:16“And now my life seeps away. Depression haunts my days.”Proverbs 15:13A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit.Proverbs 17:22A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.Be aware of the toll that being brokenhearted takes on a person’s spirit, mind, and body. Awareness leads to sympathy; sympathy leads to comforting the wounded; and that comfort can then lead to healing.2 Corinthians 1:4He [God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.Everyone’s trauma is unique—the same event may provoke wildly different reactions in different people. Your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors might be completely different from someone else’s, and what helped you heal from an experience is not guaranteed to work for others. Still, your own griefs and pains can provide a starting point for empathy. As you come alongside others, consider what brought you comfort. Was it people spending time with you? Was it a thoughtful card or a home-cooked meal? The methods we use to comfort others may vary, but the truth of God’s love can be expressed in a variety of ways.Job 16:2“I [Job] have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are!”Job 21:34“How can your empty clichés comfort me? All your explanations are lies!”We must be careful with the words we use to those who are experiencing trauma. Explanations, suggestions, and clichés are rarely comforting.Job 2:13Then they [Job’s friends] sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.Ecclesiastes 4:12A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.Love and sympathy and the power of your presence are urgently needed. Sometimes the best comfort you can give is to be quietly present.

Question 6

How should I respond when someone’s trauma causes them to harm themselves or others?

Accepted Answer

Galatians 6:2Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.Ephesians 4:2Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.Colossians 3:13Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.Whatever personality quirks, faults, or temptations someone is prone to prior to trauma will surface more quickly and intensely as they deal with trauma. Forgetfulness and irresponsibility, a quick temper, complaining, and other behaviors may become more problematic. Caring for people in such circumstances often requires extra grace and patience, but it is a powerful opportunity to reflect Christ’s love.Genesis 9:20-21After the flood, Noah began to cultivate the ground, and he planted a vineyard. One day he drank some wine he had made, and he became drunk and lay naked inside his tent.Noah had endured an incredibly traumatic event—the destruction of the world as he knew it. Substance abuse is a common “flight” reaction to trauma, an unhealthy attempt to escape from the horrors of what we have experienced. Noah’s substance abuse not only affected him, but his whole family.Matthew 10:16“Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.”Galatians 6:1If another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.Jude 1:23Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives.Trauma is not a sin. Often, it is the result of someone else’s sin. Sadly, however, sin is cyclical. Trauma can sometimes lead a victim to inflict trauma on others. For instance, an abuse victim’s desire to regain a sense of control could lead them to become an abuser themselves. Or a bullying victim might turn to alcohol for comfort. Sometimes, it can be difficult to tell the difference between a lost sheep and a crafty wolf, and safe boundaries must be drawn. Such boundaries are not made out of a lack of love for others, but out of wise stewardship of our own health and safety.Proverbs 19:19Hot-tempered people must pay the penalty. If you rescue them once, you will have to do it again.1 Corinthians 5:11I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.Revelation 3:19“I [the Lord] correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.”There is a difference between being forgiving and being a doormat for someone’s destructive behavior. Abuse, addiction, and other unhealthy trauma reactions come in patterns. There may be times of peace between the incidents, but if someone is permitted to act out without consequences, it will happen again. Enforcing consequences, such as by distancing from an abuser (1 Corinthians 5:11) or taking the matter to others (Matthew 18:15-17) may be necessary to break the cycle. This is not a rejection of that person or a denial of your love for them. In fact, it may be the only way to truly catch that person’s attention and inspire them to break free of their unhealthy patterns. Once they have dealt with their unhealthy patterns, then they will have the capacity to address the trauma itself.1 Corinthians 3:6-7I [the apostle Paul] planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.Philippians 4:6Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.We should do everything we can to show Christ’s love to our friends, but ultimately, we are human. It isn’t within our power to solve all the problems in the lives of others, and putting that kind of pressure and anxiety on ourselves isn’t healthy. We can listen for the Holy Spirit’s guidance. We can plant seeds of truth and love. We can pray for growth. All these things can make a great difference, but in the end, God is the one who heals hearts and minds. Only he can offer lasting peace and comfort.