How should I respond when someone’s trauma causes them to harm themselves or others?
Galatians 6:2Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.
Ephesians 4:2Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.
Colossians 3:13Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Whatever personality quirks, faults, or temptations someone is prone to prior to trauma will surface more quickly and intensely as they deal with trauma. Forgetfulness and irresponsibility, a quick temper, complaining, and other behaviors may become more problematic. Caring for people in such circumstances often requires extra grace and patience, but it is a powerful opportunity to reflect Christ’s love.
Genesis 9:20-21After the flood, Noah began to cultivate the ground, and he planted a vineyard. One day he drank some wine he had made, and he became drunk and lay naked inside his tent.
Noah had endured an incredibly traumatic event—the destruction of the world as he knew it. Substance abuse is a common “flight” reaction to trauma, an unhealthy attempt to escape from the horrors of what we have experienced. Noah’s substance abuse not only affected him, but his whole family.
Matthew 10:16“Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.”
Galatians 6:1If another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.
Jude 1:23Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives.
Trauma is not a sin. Often, it is the result of someone else’s sin. Sadly, however, sin is cyclical. Trauma can sometimes lead a victim to inflict trauma on others. For instance, an abuse victim’s desire to regain a sense of control could lead them to become an abuser themselves. Or a bullying victim might turn to alcohol for comfort. Sometimes, it can be difficult to tell the difference between a lost sheep and a crafty wolf, and safe boundaries must be drawn. Such boundaries are not made out of a lack of love for others, but out of wise stewardship of our own health and safety.
Proverbs 19:19Hot-tempered people must pay the penalty. If you rescue them once, you will have to do it again.
1 Corinthians 5:11I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.
Revelation 3:19“I [the Lord] correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.”
There is a difference between being forgiving and being a doormat for someone’s destructive behavior. Abuse, addiction, and other unhealthy trauma reactions come in patterns. There may be times of peace between the incidents, but if someone is permitted to act out without consequences, it will happen again. Enforcing consequences, such as by distancing from an abuser (1 Corinthians 5:11) or taking the matter to others (Matthew 18:15-17) may be necessary to break the cycle. This is not a rejection of that person or a denial of your love for them. In fact, it may be the only way to truly catch that person’s attention and inspire them to break free of their unhealthy patterns. Once they have dealt with their unhealthy patterns, then they will have the capacity to address the trauma itself.
1 Corinthians 3:6-7I [the apostle Paul] planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.
Philippians 4:6Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
We should do everything we can to show Christ’s love to our friends, but ultimately, we are human. It isn’t within our power to solve all the problems in the lives of others, and putting that kind of pressure and anxiety on ourselves isn’t healthy. We can listen for the Holy Spirit’s guidance. We can plant seeds of truth and love. We can pray for growth. All these things can make a great difference, but in the end, God is the one who heals hearts and minds. Only he can offer lasting peace and comfort.
