How can I find my identity in Christ despite my trauma?

John 9:1-3As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered.

All his life, the blind man had faced the question of what he had done to deserve his blindness. As the disciples’ question shows, many people of that time believed that disabilities were God’s punishment for some sin committed. In the same way, it is common for those of us with trauma to blame ourselves and think we must have done something to deserve what happened to us. Yet Jesus makes it clear that the decades this man had spent begging on the streets were not his fault.

John 5:5-7One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?” “I can’t, sir,” the sick man said, “for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”

The sick man at the pool of Bethesda struggled with the opposite problem from the blind man. Instead of blaming himself, he blamed everything and everyone else. This created a bitter victim’s mentality so that, when Jesus himself was standing in front of the man and offering him healing, the sick man’s first reaction was to stifle that opportunity with excuses. Defining ourselves, and our future, by our past traumas can become a toxic self-fulfilling prophecy.

John 5:8-15Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” Instantly, the man was healed! He rolled up his sleeping mat and began walking! But this miracle happened on the Sabbath, so the Jewish leaders objected. They said to the man who was cured, “You can’t work on the Sabbath! The law doesn’t allow you to carry that sleeping mat!” But he replied, “The man who healed me told me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’” “Who said such a thing as that?” they demanded. The man didn’t know, for Jesus had disappeared into the crowd. But afterward Jesus found him in the Temple and told him, “Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse may happen to you.” Then the man went and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had healed him.

When trauma roots itself into our identities, it often traps us in negative mindsets and behavioral patterns that stem from that identity. The sick man at the pool of Bethesda found his identity in being a victim. Even after the source of his trauma had been healed, he clung to that sense of victimhood, and when the Jewish leaders criticized the healing, he was quick to blame Jesus. Unlearning an unhealthy trauma pattern isn’t an easy process, but recognizing it for what it is can be a strong first step.

John 21:14-17This was the third time Jesus had appeared to his disciples since he had been raised from the dead. After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.” “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him. Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.” “Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said. A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.”

In the weeks following Jesus’ resurrection, Peter likely still suffered from significant trauma that he needed to sort through. The traumatic experience at the forefront of his mind was likely his threefold denial of Jesus. He had failed Jesus when it had mattered most—how could Jesus ever love or trust him now? Jesus met Peter in his trauma by mirroring Peter’s three denials. Three times, Jesus asked, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter answered in affirmation each time, and the Scripture says he was hurt that Jesus felt the need to ask him a third time. Peter may have doubted his ability to follow Jesus, but he did not doubt his love for Jesus. Jesus affirmed this part of Peter’s identity that was still intact, and he used it as a bridge to help Peter realize he was not too broken for God to use him.

John 21:18-19“I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”

Jesus encouraged Peter with a promise that one day, Peter would face the ultimate test of loyalty—and this time, he would pass. Then Jesus repeated the call that Peter had first heard all those years ago at Galilee: “Follow me.” The world had changed. Peter had changed. There was no way to go back to how things had been before. But Jesus made it clear that his love for Peter and his call for Peter had stayed the same. This helped Peter connect his life before trauma to his present so he could find closure—and purpose—once more.

Matthew 9:9-13As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at his tax collector’s booth. “Follow me and be my disciple,” Jesus said to him. So Matthew got up and followed him. Later, Matthew invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum?” When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.” Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

Sometimes, our trauma is intertwined with patterns of sin in our lives that make us feel unworthy of being healed. Tax collectors were liars, cheats, and traitors to their people. The Pharisees considered it scandalous for Jesus to eat with such people, much less to make one a disciple. But when Jesus looked at Matthew, he didn’t simply see a traitor and a cheat. He saw a man whose heart was open to change and growth. Perhaps a local church or other believers have rejected you in a way similar to how the Pharisees treated Matthew. Know that Jesus loves you and calls you anyway.

2 Corinthians 11:24-30Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles . . . If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

After trauma, we often feel like we lack control. Paul experienced natural disasters, violence, and rejection on many fronts. At a more personal level, he also dealt with a “thorn in his flesh”—perhaps a physical ailment, a temptation, or an emotional struggle—that he begged God to take away. Yet God allowed the struggle to remain. Paul’s weakness could have left him in a place of fear, but instead, Paul grounded his confidence in God. Our knowledge is limited. Our strength runs out. Our skills fall short. But God’s faithfulness never falters, and because of that, we can persevere.

1 Corinthians 15:9-10I [the apostle Paul] am the least of all the apostles. In fact, I’m not even worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted God’s church. But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me—and not without results. For I have worked harder than any of the other apostles; yet it was not I but God who was working through me by his grace.

2 Corinthians 4:7-10We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

Paul likely wrestled with guilt and trauma from the way he had persecuted innocent believers before meeting Christ. He could have easily struggled with insecurities because of his sinful past. On the other hand, Paul could easily have become arrogant because of his successful ministry. Both of these errors would have grounded Paul’s identity in his works rather than in his faith. But Paul’s ministry was not fueled by a shame over what he had done or a fear over what he could and couldn’t accomplish—it was fueled by a love for Jesus and what Jesus had already done. His confidence was not in the clay jar, but in the treasure it contained.

Genesis 50:20“You [Joseph’s brothers] intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.”

John 9:2-3“Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”

1 Corinthians 13:11-12Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

Scripture encourages us to find meaning and purpose even in traumatic events. What happened may have been horrific—like Joseph’s story of being sold into slavery by his own family. What happened may have beaten us down over and over—like the blind man forced to beg for his survival year after year. Yet even deep traumas do not mean God has abandoned us. Here on earth, it is impossible for us to find meaning in everything or understand God’s greater plan entirely, but when we catch glimpses of that truth, it can give us hope.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

Colossians 1:24I am glad when I suffer for you in my body, for I am participating in the sufferings of Christ that continue for his body, the church.

“Altruistic coping” is a healthy, hopeful trauma reaction. Grief and trauma can be turned into opportunities to grow in empathy and better express God’s love to others who are suffering. By learning from our trauma so we can better ease the suffering of others, we can discover purpose and meaning in our pain.

Matthew 6:25-26“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?”

Romans 8:38-39I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Philippians 4:6Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Fear, anxiety, and panic attacks sometimes stem from trauma. God doesn’t want us to live in fear. Nothing is too small to pray about to our loving heavenly Father, and nothing is so big that it can separate us from him.

2 Corinthians 4:17Our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

1 Peter 5:10In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.

Paul endured widespread social rejection, imprisonment, being whipped (on multiple occasions), having stones thrown at him until he was presumed dead, and many more terrible sufferings. Yet he considered these sufferings small and temporary in light of the coming glory. Paul never pretends his trauma didn’t happen, but he chooses to define himself by something greater than his trauma.

Genesis 3:8-11When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”

Whether our trauma comes from our own sin (like Adam’s) or from circumstances outside our control, trauma often leads to shame. We feel broken, like we no longer know who we are. We feel terrified that others will see us differently. Like Adam and Eve, we hide from God and others to avoid our shame. Unfortunately, this often distances us from those who could help us the most.

John 8:44“When he [Satan] lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

1 John 3:1See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!

1 John 3:20Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.

Sometimes, we blame ourselves for our trauma. A rape victim might blame herself because of what she wore. Someone who lost a loved one to suicide might blame himself for not noticing the warning signs. Satan loves lies like these, and he will keep spreading them so we will embrace their false shame and make it our identity. He wants us to feel worthless, broken, damaged, and unlovable. Once we recognize these lies for what they are, it is easier to remind ourselves of the truth. Regardless of what has happened to us, we are God’s children, and he calls us worthy.

Lamentations 3:14My own people laugh at me. All day long they sing their mocking songs.

Sometimes, the lies about our identity are reinforced by other people. Bullies and abusers, for instance, often weaponize shame to control their victims—in a family, at work, even in the community of believers.

Exodus 3:11Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?”

Judges 6:15“But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!”

Moses and Gideon’s trauma trapped them in shame. They had both been unable to protect their people from oppression and they felt helpless, even worthless. Yet one step of obedience at a time, both of them found purpose in God and his calling. Their understanding of who they were outgrew the shame and trauma of their past. None of us are beyond God’s reach. He can use us despite our trauma and our failings.