Question 1

Are boundaries a biblical idea?

Accepted Answer

Mark 6:30-31The apostles returned to Jesus from their ministry tour and told him all they had done and taught. Then Jesus said, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.” He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn’t even have time to eat.Luke 5:16Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.Jesus is God and was morally perfect during his life among us. His time on earth was valuable, and countless people needed his teaching and his healing. Yet Jesus still took time away from serving others to rest and to pray—and he taught his disciples to do the same.Genesis 2:2-3On the seventh day God had finished his work of creation, so he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all his work of creation.Exodus 20:9-10“You have six days each week for your ordinary work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath day of rest dedicated to the Lord your God. On that day no one in your household may do any work. This includes you, your sons and daughters, your male and female servants, your livestock, and any foreigners living among you.”Mark 2:27Jesus said to them, “The Sabbath was made to meet the needs of people.”God modeled the Sabbath for his people, not because he needed rest, but because we need rest. By establishing a boundary on the seventh day, God helped protect Israel from overworking themselves, their employees, and their livestock.Job 26:10“He [God] created the horizon when he separated the waters; he set the boundary between day and night.”Horizons, daybreak, and nightfall all serve as general boundaries in our everyday lives. They remind us of goals to pursue, effective times to pursue them, and the importance of rest at regular intervals. God encourages healthy boundaries even through the mechanics of our world.2 Corinthians 8:13-14Of course, I [Paul] don’t mean your giving should make life easy for others and hard for yourselves. I only mean that there should be some equality. Right now you have plenty and can help those who are in need. Later, they will have plenty and can share with you when you need it.2 Corinthians 9:7You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”Many people and ministries can benefit from our time and resources, and God loves it when we give cheerfully to others. However, if we are running ragged because of all our volunteering, or we are struggling to meet our own needs because of our financial giving, it’s entirely appropriate to take a step back. Some people may not understand, but God knows your circumstances and your heart.

Question 2

How can I set healthy boundaries?

Accepted Answer

Luke 4:42-43Early the next morning Jesus went out to an isolated place. The crowds searched everywhere for him, and when they finally found him, they begged him not to leave them. But he replied, “I must preach the Good News of the Kingdom of God in other towns, too, because that is why I was sent.”Jesus understood his priorities. When people challenged those priorities, he was able to express them clearly and stand firm.Matthew 14:12-14Later, John’s disciples came for his body and buried it. Then they went and told Jesus what had happened. As soon as Jesus heard the news, he left in a boat to a remote area to be alone. But the crowds heard where he was headed and followed on foot from many towns. Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.When Jesus learned of the death of his cousin and friend John the Baptist, he sought time alone to grieve. We can use boundaries to give ourselves time to rest, pray, and process our emotions. But along with his need to grieve, Jesus also weighed the needs of other people. In this instance, Jesus decided to delay his time alone until after he had met the needs of the sick people in the crowd.Matthew 14:22Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake, while he sent the people home. After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone.After meeting the crowd’s urgent needs, Jesus set his boundaries again and sent the people away so he could have time to pray and process John’s death. Jesus’ boundaries were adaptable, but in the end, he still made sure to give himself the space he needed.Deuteronomy 11:13-17“If you carefully obey the commands I am giving you today, and if you love the Lord your God and serve him with all your heart and soul, then he will send the rains in their proper seasons . . . But be careful. Don’t let your heart be deceived so that you turn away from the Lord and serve and worship other gods. If you do, the Lord’s anger will burn against you. He will shut up the sky and hold back the rain.”1 Kings 16:30-33Ahab son of Omri did what was evil in the Lord’s sight, even more than any of the kings before him. . . . First Ahab built a temple and an altar for Baal in Samaria. Then he set up an Asherah pole. He did more to provoke the anger of the Lord, the God of Israel, than any of the other kings of Israel before him.1 Kings 17:1Now Elijah, who was from Tishbe in Gilead, told King Ahab, “As surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives—the God I serve—there will be no dew or rain during the next few years until I give the word!”When God set boundaries for Israel, he set clear expectations. If Israel loved and followed him, he would bless their land. If they served other gods, he would hold back the rain. King Ahab led Israel after other gods—including Baal, the supposed god of rain. Through the prophet Elijah, God held Israel accountable for their actions. When we set boundaries, we should make our expectations clear to others, and if we outline consequences, we should keep our word. Otherwise, our boundaries won’t be taken seriously.Exodus 18:14-23When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he asked, “What are you really accomplishing here? Why are you trying to do all this alone while everyone stands around you from morning till evening?” Moses replied, “Because the people come to me to get a ruling from God. When a dispute arises, they come to me, and I am the one who settles the case between the quarreling parties. I inform the people of God’s decrees and give them his instructions.” “This is not good!” Moses’ father-in-law exclaimed. “You’re going to wear yourself out—and the people, too. This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself. Now listen to me . . . Let the leaders decide the smaller matters themselves. They will help you carry the load, making the task easier for you. If you follow this advice, and if God commands you to do so, then you will be able to endure the pressures, and all these people will go home in peace.”It’s easy to become trapped in a pattern of overworking ourselves. Maybe we feel like we are the only ones who can complete the work well. Maybe others feel like they need us, and we feel pressured to keep overworking ourselves so we won’t let them down. Moses found himself in such a situation, but his father-in-law, Jethro, wisely advised Moses to delegate his work. The overwhelming task that Moses carried was wearing him out and slowing down the judicial process. By setting boundaries to ensure only the most difficult cases were brought to him, Moses made a judicial system that was better for both him and the people.Proverbs 2:7He [the Lord] grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.Matthew 5:37“Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.”When we are honest with those around us about our boundaries, everyone is protected from unrealistic expectations and misunderstandings. Honesty with ourselves is just as important. For instance, if a husband is flirting with other women, he needs to be able to admit that fault before he can set healthy boundaries that honor his marriage.Proverbs 21:16The person who strays from common sense will end up in the company of the dead.Common sense is necessary for establishing personal boundaries. When we make decisions based on impulses or temporary emotions, we can get ourselves into a lot of trouble! Let your common sense be shaped and refined by God’s Word and by the wise people you know. Then when your common sense screams for you to say no, listen and act appropriately!Psalm 119:11I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.Psalm 119:35Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found.Psalm 119:105Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.When we hide God’s Word in our hearts, its perfect boundaries protect us from our tendency to sin.Matthew 5:27-29“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”James 1:14-15Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.Sometimes, we treat temptations as something to joke about. But sin isn’t a joke—it ruins lives. While Jesus did not literally mean that we should remove our eyes to avoid sin, he made it clear that cutting a source of temptation out of our lives is worth it, even if it comes at great cost.Proverbs 28:1The wicked run away when no one is chasing them, but the godly are as bold as lions.Acts 4:18-19So they [the religious leaders] called the apostles back in and commanded them never again to speak or teach in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John replied, “Do you think God wants us to obey you rather than him?”2 Timothy 1:7God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.It takes bravery to be honest about our beliefs and stand firm regarding our boundaries. Yet when we are living by our convictions, that kind of confidence will come more and more naturally.Proverbs 22:24-25Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.1 Corinthians 15:33Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.”2 Corinthians 6:14-15Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?Matthew 9:10-12Matthew invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum?” When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.”Boundaries often hold things in tension. On one hand, we are called to choose our company wisely because we will become more like the people we surround ourselves with. On the other hand, we should reflect Jesus’ love and grace toward those trapped in sin. Consider carefully how your interactions with people are affecting your heart for God. Do you love God more or less because of the people you are with? If you are spending significant time with unbelievers and notice temptation or spiritual apathy growing in your life, it may be wise to pull back from such relationships.Matthew 18:15-17“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”Healthy confrontation is an essential part of setting boundaries. Matthew 18 outlines a respectful way of handling conflict with a series of boundaries. While it is wise and kind to try to resolve an issue privately, if the unhealthy behavior continues, then it’s biblical to bring in outside counsel. Bringing in someone from outside the conflict may provide an objective perspective and a path to resolution.Psalm 119:98Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are my constant guide.When we have an adversarial relationship with someone, we will be tempted to prove our superiority over them in countless ways. Instead, we should trust God’s wisdom and speak and act under his direction. Ignoring God’s Word will leave us following our own sinful desires—just like our adversaries.Galatians 6:1If another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.Jude 1:22-23You must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives.Leading someone away from sin sometimes puts us in an environment rife with temptation. Before approaching such an environment, we should consider our boundaries. For instance, an evangelist who is a recovering alcoholic would likely be wise to avoid evangelizing at a local bar.Luke 17:3-4“If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive. Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive.”1 Corinthians 5:1-2I can hardly believe the report about the sexual immorality going on among you—something that even pagans don’t do. I am told that a man in your church is living in sin with his stepmother. . . . you should remove this man from your fellowship.1 Corinthians 5:9-12I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people. It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning.Even in the church, people sin. Such sin should always be confronted with the goal of reconciliation and forgiveness. However, there will be times when a church member lives in blatant and unrepentant sin, such as the man who was committing adultery and incest in Corinth. If a church keeps no boundaries—no standards for its members—then others may be led astray and Christ’s witness to the world will be tarnished. In such an extreme instance, a church may need to draw a boundary and separate completely from an individual until that individual repents.Proverbs 27:5An open rebuke is better than hidden love!2 Thessalonians 3:14-15Take note of those who refuse to obey what we say in this letter. Stay away from them so they will be ashamed. Don’t think of them as enemies, but warn them as you would a brother or sister.James 5:19-20If someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.We don’t need to be church leaders to remind other believers of God’s boundaries. If we see sin sinking its roots into a fellow believer’s life, we have a responsibility to warn them. It’s more loving to risk angering our friends than to stand idly by as sin grows uncontested in their lives.

Question 3

When are self-imposed boundaries misleading or negative?

Accepted Answer

Isaiah 29:13So the Lord says, “These people say they are mine. They honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. And their worship of me is nothing but man-made rules learned by rote.”Luke 11:42“What sorrow awaits you Pharisees! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens, but you ignore justice and the love of God. You should tithe, yes, but do not neglect the more important things.”A preoccupation with our self-imposed boundaries can lead to pride and cause us to lose sight of God’s essential commands. The Pharisees made rules about tithing even the herbs from their gardens, yet they forgot about the importance of showing gratitude to God and of caring for the poor and the elderly—the true purposes behind God’s command to tithe.Romans 14:1-4Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive his approval.God’s Word is clear on many things, but there are some issues where sincere believers may draw different boundary lines. For instance, is it okay for a believer to watch a movie about difficult content or themes? Does that church raffle encourage gambling, or is it a fun way to raise money for a good cause? These questions matter, but in such situations, the heart behind our actions may matter more than our actions themselves. God warns us against looking down on other believers whose consciences may weigh in differently on particular issues.Romans 14:14-15I know and am convinced on the authority of the Lord Jesus that no food, in and of itself, is wrong to eat. But if someone believes it is wrong, then for that person it is wrong. And if another believer is distressed by what you eat, you are not acting in love if you eat it.1 Corinthians 10:33I don’t just do what is best for me; I do what is best for others so that many may be saved.God’s Word clearly gives certain rules that we must live by. But God also asks us to refrain from doing things that can harm another person’s conscience, even when our own consciences remain clean. For instance, an activity that doesn’t cause a problem for us (such as drinking alcohol) could cross a dangerous boundary for our friend who is a recovering alcoholic. We should be willing to place boundaries even around our own freedom for the good of others.Romans 12:2Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.If we try to set boundaries without reference to God’s boundaries, we will merely imitate the arbitrary boundaries of our culture or society. Applying God’s boundaries to our personal situations takes discernment and discipline. However, as we learn to reflect God’s character, his boundaries will feel more and more natural to us.Ecclesiastes 11:4Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest.Perfectionism can be a barrier to our actions when it becomes a source of procrastination and fear. In our fallen world, conditions are rarely perfect. If our personal boundaries become so limiting that we reject God’s call for us to act, then our pursuit of holiness misses the point.Matthew 7:1-2“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.”Acts 15:10“So why are you now challenging God by burdening the Gentile believers with a yoke that neither we nor our ancestors were able to bear?”Jesus’ words in Matthew 7 are often used wrongly by those who don’t want to be judged at all, but read properly, they mean we shouldn’t try to impose boundaries and expectations on other people that we are not willing or able to live by ourselves.James 2:1-4How can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others? For example, suppose someone comes into your meeting dressed in fancy clothes and expensive jewelry, and another comes in who is poor and dressed in dirty clothes. If you give special attention and a good seat to the rich person, but you say to the poor one, “You can stand over there, or else sit on the floor”—well, doesn’t this discrimination show that your judgments are guided by evil motives?The prejudiced boundaries we use to evaluate other people are often unjust, inaccurate, and self-serving. Too often, we follow such boundaries without questioning our motives.Leviticus 19:33-34“Do not take advantage of foreigners who live among you in your land. Treat them like native-born Israelites, and love them as you love yourself. Remember that you were once foreigners living in the land of Egypt. I am the Lord your God.”John 4:7-9Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink.” He was alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food. The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?”James 1:27Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.Because people often discriminate against those who are simply unlike themselves, the world is a lonely place for many. Ask God to help you be receptive and caring toward those outside your circle.

Question 4

Did Jesus abolish the boundaries of Old Testament laws?

Accepted Answer

Isaiah 53:5-6He [the Messiah] was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all.Matthew 5:17“Don’t misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose.”Luke 24:44He [Jesus] said, “When I was with you before, I told you that everything written about me in the law of Moses and the prophets and in the Psalms must be fulfilled.”Romans 10:4Christ has already accomplished the purpose for which the law was given. As a result, all who believe in him are made right with God.Many Christians think of the Old Testament laws as being bad. They think that in Old Testament times, God was strict and harsh, and in the New Testament, Jesus abolished all God’s rules and judgment. But the Old Testament and the New are intertwined. God’s Law shows us the impossibility of overcoming sin in our own strength. The Temple sacrifices show the severity of sin’s consequences. God’s love for rebellious Israel shows his faithfulness and forgiveness despite our sin. And all this leads to Jesus Christ, whose perfect sacrifice fulfilled the Old Testament’s promises and paid sin’s price, once and for all.Isaiah 45:22“Let all the world look to me for salvation! For I am God; there is no other.”Zechariah 2:10-11The Lord says, “Shout and rejoice, O beautiful Jerusalem, for I am coming to live among you. Many nations will join themselves to the Lord on that day, and they, too, will be my people.”Acts 15:19“My judgment is that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God.”Galatians 3:8The Scriptures looked forward to this time when God would make the Gentiles right in his sight because of their faith. God proclaimed this good news to Abraham long ago when he said, “All nations will be blessed through you.”Philippians 3:2-3Watch out for those dogs, those people who do evil, those mutilators who say you must be circumcised to be saved. For we who worship by the Spirit of God are the ones who are truly circumcised. We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us.Abraham and his descendants were circumcised as a sign of their covenant relationship with God. Through Abraham and Israel, God promised that the Gentiles (non-Jews) would come to know God’s salvation. In the New Testament this promise was fulfilled through Jesus. Rather than seeing circumcision as part of the old covenant, some people believed that circumcision was necessary for Gentiles to be saved. The apostles rejected this unnecessary boundary to salvation and pointed to Jesus as the fulfillment of God’s Law.Romans 6:15Since God’s grace has set us free from the law, does that mean we can go on sinning? Of course not!Ephesians 2:10We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.Philippians 2:13God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.The Law of the Old Testament has been fulfilled through Jesus Christ. But his sacrifice on the cross is not the end of our interactions with God—it’s just the beginning. Freeing us from sin’s punishment isn’t enough. God wants to free us from sin entirely. He wants us to grow to love him more and live in a way that reflects his goodness to those around us. This process of becoming more like God is called sanctification.Micah 6:8No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.Matthew 22:37-40Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”Romans 13:10Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.1 John 4:19We love each other because he loved us first.When we claim to reject the “rules” of the Old Testament in favor of the “love” of the New Testament, we miss the point. God’s commands are an expression of God’s love for us. They are boundaries meant to protect us and others, and when we live them out, they help us reflect God’s love to the world.Proverbs 31:10-11Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her.2 Corinthians 11:2-3I [Paul] am jealous for you with the jealousy of God himself. I promised you as a pure bride to one husband—Christ. But I fear that somehow your pure and undivided devotion to Christ will be corrupted, just as Eve was deceived by the cunning ways of the serpent.A trusting, loving marriage can be ruined by a cheating spouse. In the same way, sin entices us away from God and damages our relationships with him and other people. The boundaries we are called to observe are not chains that burden us—they are freely chosen expressions of love and commitment, just like in a marriage. True love has inherent boundaries.Deuteronomy 10:13“You must always obey the Lord’s commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good.”Psalm 23:4Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.John 10:4-15“After he [a shepherd] has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice. . . . I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me, just as my Father knows me and I know the Father.”John 14:23Jesus replied, “All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them.”A shepherd’s rod was fairly short, more club-like. A shepherd’s staff is the curved crook we often see in pictures. Both were used to protect the sheep from predators, and both were used to guide the sheep—and sometimes drag sheep—in the right direction. Jesus is our good shepherd, and he deserves our utmost respect and obedience. When we follow his leading and honor his boundaries, we can walk through even life’s darkest valleys with confidence.

Question 5

What are God’s boundaries for me?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 4:7“Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.”James 1:14-15Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.Sin involves more than just actions. It can involve our mindset, our patterns of thought, the directions our hearts are leaning. If we lack boundaries against sin, we will soon find our hearts rooted in self-destructive behaviors.Genesis 3:4-7“You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.” The woman was convinced. . . . She took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame.Romans 6:16Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living.Temptation shifts our focus away from God toward things that will take us far from him. It tries to convince us that God’s warnings and guidance are obstacles to a better life. Just as with Adam and Eve, sin will promise us freedom, but once we give it a foothold, it begins to make us its slave.Psalm 119:105Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.Psalm 119:133Guide my steps by your word, so I will not be overcome by evil.Proverbs 3:5-6Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.If you have ever followed a path through the woods, you know the importance of having the way clearly marked. If you cannot see the path, you might stray into the woods and become hopelessly lost. As darkness falls, the dangers increase, and you begin to panic. The commands and laws in God’s word act as boundaries to clearly mark life’s path before us. They protect us from danger and living in fear.Deuteronomy 10:12-13“What does the Lord your God require of you? He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases him, and love him and serve him with all your heart and soul. And you must always obey the Lord’s commands and decrees.”Matthew 22:37-38Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”1 John 4:11Since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.These verses sum up God’s general boundaries for us. Within these boundaries lie purpose and direction, blessing and joy. Inside his boundaries is great freedom from the pitfalls of sin and temptation. As this passage shows, reverence for God should mark out the boundaries of our lives. Our motivation for obedience should come not from the fence around us, but from the love for God within us.Micah 6:8The Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.God’s boundaries are his loving restraints that keep us from falling away from him and the abundant life he offers. When we do what is right (as defined by God’s Word), we develop a reputation for integrity. When we love mercy, we never take advantage of others. And when we walk humbly with God, we realize we cannot take credit for our successes and that we need to rely on God and others to help us finish strong. These boundaries don’t restrict us. On the contrary, they help us to do well in the adventure of life.

Question 6

What are the consequences of ignoring God’s boundaries?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 3:16-17, 23He [God] said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” And to the man he said, “Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.” . . . So the Lord God banished them from the Garden of Eden, and he sent Adam out to cultivate the ground from which he had been made.God dealt with Adam and Eve based on their violation of his boundaries. Their excuses and attempts to pass the blame didn’t prevent his justice. Their lives, and every human life after theirs, changed dramatically. We experience the consequences of that original sin every day as we live in this fallen world.Proverbs 19:18Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.Hebrews 12:5-7, 10Have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? . . . For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness.Discipline done well is a form of love. Our earthly parents likely made mistakes in the way they disciplined us, but God never makes mistakes. God’s discipline is always given out of his love and care for us, and it helps us to become more like him.Psalm 94:12Joyful are those you discipline, Lord, those you teach with your instructions.Hebrews 12:11No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.God’s discipline may feel painful, but it is a blessing that saves us from far greater pain and leads to far greater joy.Isaiah 38:16Lord, your discipline is good, for it leads to life and health. You restore my health and allow me to live!God’s boundaries lead to life and well-being. When we wander from God’s ways (as we are prone to do), his timely discipline moves us toward repentance and renewal.Jude 1:6-7I remind you of the angels who did not stay within the limits of authority God gave them but left the place where they belonged. God has kept them securely chained in prisons of darkness, waiting for the great day of judgment. And don’t forget Sodom and Gomorrah and their neighboring towns, which were filled with immorality and every kind of sexual perversion. Those cities were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God’s judgment.Proverbs 17:5Those who mock the poor insult their Maker; those who rejoice at the misfortune of others will be punished.Ignoring God’s boundaries and discipline leaves us subject to God’s judgment. That standard is the same throughout the created order. Willful disobedience that refuses to take God’s warnings seriously comes at a terrible cost.

Question 7

How can I set good boundaries for my children?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 29:15To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.Proverbs 29:17Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad.Expectations that are not defined and boundaries that are not reinforced are meaningless. For instance, a small child might not intuitively understand that taking food from the store without paying for it is wrong. A parent must explain that to them, and if a child keeps stealing even after knowing it’s wrong, they need to be disciplined. Discipline helps motivate children to avoid dangerous and sinful behavior and value what is good.Proverbs 22:6Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.A young river often has shallow banks, but as the years pass, the river’s flow erodes the riverbed deeper and deeper, firmly setting the river’s course. In the same way, the values and behavior patterns children learn when they are young become stronger and deeper as they are reinforced over time.Proverbs 19:18Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.During a season of flooding, a river that overflows the boundaries of its banks might carve itself a new course. Though the flood was only for a season, it will leave a lasting mark on the land. In the same way, weak or nonexistent boundaries can lead to dangerous behaviors that have long-term effects on a child’s life.Hebrews 12:11No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.At first, the fear of punishment may be a child’s only motivation for following the boundaries we set for them. As children grow older, however, they will start to recognize the good harvest that right living produces in their lives and be grateful for the wise boundaries that were set. This principle applies to all of us throughout our lives, not only to children. If we pursue righteous living, in time we will discover the good that comes from it. This will confirm the importance of our direction and strengthen our resolve going forward.Proverbs 13:24Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.Hebrews 12:5-6Have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”Discipline is unpleasant and can cause children to act unpleasantly—whining, kicking and screaming, pouting. Sometimes, it feels easier not to discipline. But discipline is not performed because it is convenient. It is performed because a parent loves a child and wants them to become mature and wise. Discipline is a form of love, and God models this same kind of love for us in Scripture.Deuteronomy 11:16-17“Don’t let your heart be deceived so that you turn away from the Lord and serve and worship other gods. If you do, the Lord’s anger will burn against you. He will shut up the sky and hold back the rain, and the ground will fail to produce its harvests.”1 Kings 16:32-33First Ahab built a temple and an altar for Baal in Samaria. Then he set up an Asherah pole. He did more to provoke the anger of the Lord, the God of Israel, than any of the other kings of Israel before him.1 Kings 17:1Now Elijah, who was from Tishbe in Gilead, told King Ahab, “As surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives—the God I serve—there will be no dew or rain during the next few years until I give the word!”When God set boundaries for Israel, he set clear expectations. If Israel loved and followed him, he blessed them in their land. If they served other gods, God would allow foreign oppressors to invade or he would hold back the rain. King Ahab led Israel after other gods. In response, God reminded Israel of the punishment he had promised and carried out that punishment. When we set boundaries for our children, we should make our expectations clear to them, and if we outline consequences, we should keep our word. Otherwise, our boundaries won’t be taken seriously.Ephesians 6:4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.Scripture has many verses about children respecting their parents, but parents should also model respect in the way they treat their children. Sometimes parents are hypercritical, belittling their children or ignoring their input. Sometimes parents break promises or use a double-standard. Sometimes parents overreact or lash out in anger. If we want our children to respect us, we should make it easier for them by being worthy of their respect.1 Corinthians 11:1You should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ.Hebrews 12:7-10Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? . . . Our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness.Parents are never perfect. We can only do the best we know how. That is why it is critical that we model our lives after Jesus, becoming more like him every day. As our children see us loving God and honoring his boundaries, they will learn to love and honor him themselves. No matter how imperfect our parenting may be, if we can teach them that, they will be on the right path.

Question 8

What should I do when people get upset with the boundaries I set?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 12:15Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.Philippians 2:3Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.Matthew 14:10-23So John was beheaded in the prison . . . As soon as Jesus heard the news, he left in a boat to a remote area to be alone. But the crowds heard where he was headed and followed on foot from many towns. Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. . . . Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake, while he sent the people home. After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone.Consider the concerns of others respectfully. Our personal boundaries are important, but they are not immutable and infallible. In order to meet the immediate needs of the crowd, Jesus chose to forego his need for time alone to grieve and pray. However, after those immediate needs were met, Jesus set firm boundaries and sent everyone away. Jesus didn’t neglect his own needs but balanced them with the needs of others.John 6:15When Jesus saw that they were ready to force him to be their king, he slipped away into the hills by himself.John 18:36Jesus answered, “My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom.”Sometimes, what others want from us is wrong and should be rejected. Jesus knew his purpose on earth was not to become a political ruler, so when others tried to force him down that path, he distanced himself from those people and that situation.2 Kings 17:13-14Again and again the Lord had sent his prophets and seers to warn both Israel and Judah: “Turn from all your evil ways. Obey my commands and decrees—the entire law that I commanded your ancestors to obey, and that I gave you through my servants the prophets.” But the Israelites would not listen.In one sense, God’s boundaries seemed ineffective among the people of Israel. Perhaps he would have had an easier time convincing Israel to obey if he had simplified his laws to just a few easier commands. But God doesn’t change the truth when people get annoyed or upset. Truth is truth. If you are confident that your boundaries are necessary and God-honoring, don’t compromise them even when people get upset with you.2 Kings 17:22-23They did not turn from these sins until the Lord finally swept them away from his presence, just as all his prophets had warned. So Israel was exiled from their land to Assyria.If our healthy boundaries are being violated, we need to give people clear warnings. If they ignore those warnings, we must follow through with the consequences we have defined. Words aren’t enough for some people. It was only through consequences that God was able to inspire change in Israel.Daniel 1:8-13Daniel was determined not to defile himself by eating the food and wine given to them by the king. He asked the chief of staff for permission not to eat these unacceptable foods. . . . But he [the chief of staff] responded, “I am afraid of my lord the king, who has ordered that you eat this food and wine. If you become pale and thin compared to the other youths your age, I am afraid the king will have me beheaded.” . . . “Please test us for ten days on a diet of vegetables and water,” Daniel said. “At the end of the ten days, see how we look compared to the other young men who are eating the king’s food. Then make your decision in light of what you see.”Daniel and his friends couldn’t eat the food provided for him without breaking God’s kosher laws. Yet if the chief of staff honored his request, then the man might lose his life for failing to fulfill his job. Daniel honored these concerns by suggesting a trial period and allowing the attendant to make the final call. When we set boundaries with people in a position of authority over us, it is wise to do so in a way that shows we aren’t challenging their authority.Luke 18:15-16One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering him. Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children.”Sometimes people get upset because they think our boundaries aren’t strong enough. Even though Jesus’ time on earth was limited, Jesus didn’t keep a strict schedule of miracles and preaching. He left margin for opportunities like this—a chance to be present in the lives of some little children.Mark 14:3-7While he [Jesus] was eating, a woman came in with a beautiful alabaster jar of expensive perfume made from essence of nard. She broke open the jar and poured the perfume over his head. Some of those at the table were indignant. “Why waste such expensive perfume?” they asked. “It could have been sold for a year’s wages and the money given to the poor!” So they scolded her harshly. But Jesus replied, “Leave her alone. Why criticize her for doing such a good thing to me? You will always have the poor among you, and you can help them whenever you want to. But you will not always have me.”There are many good things we can do with our time and resources. Setting boundaries is often about choosing the better of those good things. Though the people around her didn’t recognize it, the woman who anointed Jesus’s feet was not acting selfishly in order to get attention or being callous toward the poor. She was simply acting out of her love for Jesus.Luke 10:38-42As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”Others will not always understand our boundaries and the priorities we set. Rather than helping her sister with the dinner preparation, Mary chose to give her attention to Jesus. Mary’s task-oriented sister, Martha, misunderstood Mary’s devotion to Jesus as an attempt to avoid work. Mary probably had been declining Martha’s hints to help her for some time, which is why Martha brought the matter to Jesus. Mary chose her priority and set her boundary. In the end, Jesus himself affirmed that she had chosen what was better.

Question 9

Does God have boundaries?

Accepted Answer

Numbers 11:23The Lord said to Moses, “Has my arm lost its power? Now you will see whether or not my word comes true!”We find it easy to look at our circumstances and declare them to be beyond God’s ability to handle. While there are countless boundaries in our lives that limit our control over our circumstances, God has no such limitations.Matthew 7:7-11“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. . . . You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.”Matthew 17:20“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”As long as we assume that our faith needs to be strong to have a powerful effect, we will see few results from it. Prayer isn’t a matter of wishing harder or speaking more eloquently—it’s a matter of simple trust, like when children ask their father or mother for food.Luke 22:42“Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I [Jesus] want your will to be done, not mine.”James 1:17Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.James 4:2-3You don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.1 John 5:14-15We are confident that he [God] hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.The gifts God gives are always good. However, the gifts we ask for aren’t always good—or, even when they are, they might not bring good results in the end. Like Jesus, we should pray with a confident faith, and like Jesus, we should desire God’s will for us above all else.Matthew 19:26Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”Many of the things we consider impossible actually are impossible for us to do (at least without help). Having God as our helper and guide allows us to step confidently into the realm of the impossible. We can joyfully let him decide what is possible and impossible.Mark 9:22-24“Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.” “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.” The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”Ephesians 3:20All glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.Never assume that God is limited by boundaries. When we doubt his ability to meet our needs, we are putting limiting boundaries around an almighty God. God can accomplish more than we can imagine or dare to hope for.Numbers 23:19“God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?”Romans 5:8God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.Romans 8:38I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.Hebrews 13:8Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.James 1:13God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else.God has one great boundary he can never cross: He will never contradict his perfectly good, holy, and loving character. We can always trust him because he will never change.

Question 10

What are some signs I need to unplug from social media?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 39:4-5Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered—how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.Discern how to best use your time on earth, remembering that our time on earth is brief.Philippians 4:8And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.Evaluate what fills your feed. Is it shaping your thoughts in a way that honors God?1 Corinthians 6:12“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.Social media is not bad in and of itself. But if it’s consuming your thoughts or dominating your days, it may be time to step back and take a break.Psalm 46:10Be still, and know that I am God!When stillness feels impossible or your screen is always in hand, you might need to unplug to reconnect with God’s presence.Proverbs 27:2Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth—a stranger, not your own lips.Challenge yourself to resist the pull of self-promotion and instead live for God’s approval.1 Corinthians 10:31So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.Consider how to use the tools of technology for the glory of God.Proverbs 4:23Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.Pay attention to what social media stirs in your heart. If it’s jealousy, anger, or restlessness, that’s a warning sign.Galatians 1:10Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.If you’re constantly checking likes or craving validation online, it may be a sign to root your identity back in God’s approval.Proverbs 18:21The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.Consider whether your posts are giving life or tearing others down.Galatians 5:22-23But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!Is social media helping you be more loving? Joyful? Peaceful? Does it encourage patience and kindness? Does it stir you to be good, faithful, or gentle with others? Can you control how much time you spend on it? These questions serve as a good litmus test to discern whether it’s time to take a break.Galatians 6:4Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.When social media causes unhealthy comparison or discouragement, step back and reflect honestly on your own journey. Unplugging helps you focus on God’s unique path for you.Colossians 3:2Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.Consider whether your feed or social media in general draws you closer to God and His ways or pulls you away from Him.