Question 1

Why do we blame others?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 3:12-13The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God asked the woman, “What have you done?” “The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.”We blame others to avoid facing the truth of what we have done. Adam managed to blame both Eve and God for his choice to ignore God’s instruction. It wasn’t just the woman, but the woman “you gave me” who was responsible for Adam’s disobedience. Both his and Eve’s admissions of guilt (“I ate it”) came with a lame excuse deflecting to others the responsibility for what they had done.Genesis 16:5Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The Lord will show who’s wrong—you or me!”Sometimes we blame others to avoid facing our regrets. When unintended consequences complicate a situation, we can quickly turn on others and hold them responsible for a plan that we ourselves had set in motion. Abram should have known better, so he rightly bore part of the blame. But the charge “This is all your fault” was clearly Sarai’s effort to escape her own guilt.James 1:13-15Remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.We blame God to avoid taking responsibility for our sin. James reminds us that temptation always arises from something in us: our desires, needs, or values. Satan, the world, and our own thinking bring those things into focus, and we turn them into sin. Refusing to blame God helps us take responsibility for our sin.1 Samuel 22:13“Why have you and the son of Jesse conspired against me?” Saul demanded. “Why did you give him food and a sword? Why have you consulted God for him? Why have you encouraged him to kill me, as he is trying to do this very day?”We blame others because we assume the worst about them. Saul was accusing Ahimelech, an innocent priest, of conspiracy. This level of blaming escalated into a death sentence for the priest, his entire family, and his entire town. Tragically, sometimes there is no way to undo the damage done when we blame someone in anger.Exodus 14:11-12They said to Moses, “Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren’t there enough graves for us in Egypt? What have you done to us? Why did you make us leave Egypt? Didn’t we tell you this would happen while we were still in Egypt? We said, ‘Leave us alone! Let us be slaves to the Egyptians. It’s better to be a slave in Egypt than a corpse in the wilderness!’”We blame others when things don’t turn out the way we wanted. We rationalize our criticism by dwelling on what might have been. We say, “if only this” or “if only that.” We also forget or distort our previous conditions (what slavery was really like) in our determination to blame someone for our present conditions. This simply takes responsibility off us and pins it on someone else.1 Samuel 30:6David was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their sons and daughters, and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found strength in the Lord his God.We blame others when we experience a painful loss. Sadly, blaming a friend for a loss can become a double loss—the loss itself and the loss of the friend. David had lost as much as his own men, but they were blaming him for the actions of others. David was guided and strengthened by God, and he successfully focused their attention away from blaming onto taking action to restore what they had lost.John 11:21Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.”We blame others when we fail to see the bigger picture. Martha was respectfully confronting Jesus with what she saw as his failure to intervene in Lazarus’s sickness. Fortunately for her, Jesus changed her perspective by giving her an unforgettable lesson in God’s power to change sad circumstances.John 9:1-2As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?”We blame others when we have false assumptions about God. The only explanation the disciples (and many of those who shared their culture) had for explaining tragic circumstances like blindness from birth was that it must be punishment for the sins of the parents or the child. But there are many other causes, including original sin and God’s purposes, that might explain difficult circumstances. Don’t assume that a person’s misfortune was his or her own fault.Exodus 32:21-24He [Moses] turned to Aaron and demanded, “What did these people do to you to make you bring such terrible sin upon them?” “Don’t get so upset, my lord,” Aaron replied. “You yourself know how evil these people are. They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will lead us. We don’t know what happened to this fellow Moses, who brought us here from the land of Egypt.’ So I told them, ‘Whoever has gold jewelry, take it off.’ When they brought it to me, I simply threw it into the fire—and out came this calf!”We blame others because of our own pride. Aaron’s sin is shocking because it was so blatant, but his response is even more shocking because he refused to take responsibility for it. He had created a golden calf while the rumbles of God’s voice were still echoing off Mount Sinai and the column of cloud and fire towered in the background. Like Aaron, we are often too proud to admit that the problem was our own fault, or at least that we were part of the problem. We don’t want others to know we are sometimes weak and vulnerable. And we don’t want to admit how easily we wander from God.

Question 2

What should I do when I am to blame?

Accepted Answer

Jonah 1:10-12The sailors were terrified when they heard this, for [Jonah] had already told them he was running away from the Lord. “Oh, why did you do it?” they groaned. And since the storm was getting worse all the time, they asked him, “What should we do to you to stop this storm?” “Throw me into the sea,” Jonah said, “and it will become calm again. I know that this terrible storm is all my fault.”We must take responsibility for our thoughts and actions and accept the blame we deserve without seeking to divert it to others. When we earn blame, we need to own it. Jonah not only accepted responsibility but also demonstrated his acceptance by giving others a plan that cost him. He put his life into their hands.Genesis 3:12-13The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God asked the woman, “What have you done?” “The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.”We frequently want to blame others for our sin. But God knows our hearts and is not fooled by our attempts to take the spotlight off our sin. Blaming others for our own wrongdoing compounds the sin we have done.2 Samuel 12:13David confessed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin.”One of the evidences of David’s godly character is that he listened and submitted to trusted intervention. The prophet Nathan risked his own life by confronting the king about a series of sins. But David finally faced the truth that had been haunting him for months. His confession was immediately met both with Nathan’s assurance of forgiveness and with an honest reminder about the inevitable consequences of sin. Blaming others prevents us from ever experiencing the benefits of hearing the truth.Psalm 32:5Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.We know enough of David’s life to realize that he was well acquainted with guilt. He didn’t always deal with it quickly; God sometimes had to confront him. But David always had a moment of surrender. And when he repented, he did so wholeheartedly. The extent of our freedom from guilt depends on the depth of our repentance.Psalm 51:3-7I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just. For I was born a sinner—yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there. Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.This entire psalm represents David’s thoughtful and thorough repentance of his sin with Bathsheba and the other sins that followed. Accepting deserved blame and confessing our sins to God in detail leads to cleansing. Confess your sin to God and receive his forgiveness. When you are wrong, trying to shift the blame will not remove your sense of guilt. Only your repentance and God’s forgiveness will.

Question 3

What should I do when others blame me unfairly?

Accepted Answer

Joshua 22:15-16, 21-24, 26-27, 30When they arrived in the land of Gilead, they said to the tribes of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh, “The whole community of the Lord demands to know why you are betraying the God of Israel. How could you turn away from the Lord and build an altar for yourselves in rebellion against him?” . . . Then the people of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh answered the heads of the clans of Israel: “The Lord, the Mighty One, is God! The Lord, the Mighty One, is God! He knows the truth, and may Israel know it, too! We have not built the altar in treacherous rebellion against the Lord. If we have done so, do not spare our lives this day. If we have built an altar for ourselves to turn away from the Lord or to offer burnt offerings or grain offerings or peace offerings, may the Lord himself punish us. The truth is, we have built this altar . . . not for burnt offerings or sacrifices, but as a memorial.” . . . When Phinehas the priest and the leaders of the community—the heads of the clans of Israel—heard this from the tribes of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh, they were satisfied.Since several tribes of Israel claimed lands on the far side of the Jordan River, away from the other tribes, they built a memorial to remind the rest of the tribes that even the more distant tribes had a right to share in all the blessings of being God’s chosen people. When the other tribes misinterpreted their memorial as an altar designed for rebellious worship, the more distant tribes quickly explained their actions and reaffirmed their commitment to obey the God of Israel. An open response offered without defensiveness goes a long way toward settling misunderstandings.Job 17:1-3“My spirit is crushed, and my life is nearly snuffed out. The grave is ready to receive me. I am surrounded by mockers. I watch how bitterly they taunt me. You must defend my innocence, O God, since no one else will stand up for me.”Sometimes we are not to blame for our problems. Job refused to blame either God or himself for his tragic circumstances. We live in a fallen world where pain and suffering come to everyone. When we do something wrong, it’s wrong to avoid taking responsibility for our actions. But it’s just as wrong to blame ourselves for trouble that isn’t our fault. When we blame ourselves for something we didn’t do, we carry a load of guilt that isn’t ours to carry.

Question 4

What should I do when I feel like blaming someone else?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 50:19-21Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them.We never see the big picture until we factor in the greatness of God. Joseph’s youthful confidence (Genesis 37) led to years of severe setbacks: brotherly jealousy and betrayal, slavery, sexual harassment, and prison. At every step, Joseph refused to think God had forgotten him. His brothers now expected blame and retaliation from Joseph. But instead, they received the forgiveness of a brother who refused to blame them because God had brought so much good out of their evil.Malachi 2:14You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.Before we blame someone else, especially God, we should consider how we might be the cause of our problem. This may require listening to a third party who can see both sides. These people wanted to blame God for abandoning them, but God reminded them that they had sinned grievously against others. It wasn’t God who had abandoned them, but they who had abandoned God.Micah 6:8O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.Each of God’s three requirements in this passage can be applied when we are tempted to blame others. It is never right to wrongly blame others. We lack mercy when we blame others. We are not exercising humility when we blame others. When we are tempted to blame, we are also being tempted to ignore God and his instructions.James 5:9Don’t grumble about each other, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. For look—the Judge is standing at the door!Complaints are often thinly veiled blaming. Grumbling may sometimes seem to express shared responsibility for problems, but it usually involves holding others more responsible than ourselves. James helpfully reminds believers that the God who sees everything perfectly—including our intentions and hidden motives—will hold us responsible for our failure to admit our mistakes.Ezekiel 18:25-29“You say, ‘The Lord isn’t doing what’s right!’ Listen to me, O people of Israel. Am I the one not doing what’s right, or is it you? When righteous people turn from their righteous behavior and start doing sinful things, they will die for it. Yes, they will die because of their sinful deeds. And if wicked people turn from their wickedness, obey the law, and do what is just and right, they will save their lives. They will live because they thought it over and decided to turn from their sins. Such people will not die. And yet the people of Israel keep saying, ‘The Lord isn’t doing what’s right!’ O people of Israel, it is you who are not doing what’s right, not I.”Blaming God puts us in the dangerous and irrational position of judging God. When creatures think they can hold their Creator responsible, they betray an extremely flawed understanding of the one who made them. Ezekiel was confronting people who questioned both God’s judgment of people who had turned away and God’s forgiveness of people who turned back. We are always on dangerous ground when we try to shift responsibility for error from ourselves to God.

Question 5

What can I do to live blamelessly?

Accepted Answer

2 Peter 3:14Make every effort to be found living peaceful lives that are pure and blameless in his sight.The term “blameless” doesn’t mean you will never be blamed by others; it means that blame cannot rightly be used as a weapon against you. The passage invites us to continually ask, “How does God see my life?”2 Corinthians 6:3We live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us, and no one will find fault with our ministry.As followers of Jesus, we no longer see our lives as our own. We are all called to serve others helpfully and to serve God consistently. Our behavior should never create an obstacle that keeps others from God; rather, it should be an invitation that calls others to come to him.Philippians 2:14-15Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.As followers of Jesus, we are not called to create a perfect world. Rather, we are called to live obediently in a decidedly imperfect world. Sin insidiously infects even our best plans, and the resulting complaints, arguments, and blaming don’t accomplish God’s purposes. Believers who want to make a deep and lasting impact for God use their integrity to draw others to God.Job 1:8The Lord asked Satan, “Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil.”Neither blamelessness nor integrity is synonymous with perfection. They are the traits of those who recognize evil in themselves and persistently confess it or refuse to act on it.Psalm 119:1Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord.Following God’s instructions doesn’t involve a frantic pursuit of perfection, but rather a persistent effort to obey accompanied by a willingness to repent and confess failures. Joy is a by-product of such integrity.Psalm 19:12-13How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin.David recognized the reality of sin and the variety of sin’s expressions. Here he mentions two: unconscious sins and deliberate sins. Blame-free living means addressing evidence of sin in our lives before God, whether our sins were intentional or not.Philippians 1:9-10I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return.Paul’s prayer for the Philippians is a model prayer for our own lives and a blessing we can pray over the lives of others. We are to live our daily lives with integrity, trusting in God’s power over sin, serving him faithfully, and loving one another. It is difficult to live a blameless life, but God gives us everything we need to pursue that calling day by day.

Question 6

What if others deserve to be blamed? Is there a “right” way to place blame?

Accepted Answer

1 Peter 4:8Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.We are mistaken if we read this verse to mean that when love “covers” sins, it covers them up by ignoring or excusing them. Loving someone deeply sometimes means first uncovering sin so that it can be covered by forgiveness and reconciliation. Deep love isn’t enabling love; it is a love that sets free.Matthew 18:15“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”Using public confrontation as a first step for dealing with sin is almost sure to fail. It tends to overwhelm the recipient with both personal and public humiliation and leads to a defensive backlash. A personal intervention that expresses the desire to confront the sin privately, out of the sight of others, has a better chance of achieving a good result.Galatians 6:1If another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.The divine nature of God’s Word is often evidenced by the completeness of the picture it presents. This passage contains not only instructions for private intervention but also a warning that we also may be tempted by the other person’s sin. Recognizing our own sinfulness promotes humility in helping others recognize theirs.James 5:19-20If someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.When we realize someone else has sinned, the best response is not to build a case to ensure they are convicted and punished but rather to make an effort to rescue that person from the danger they have wandered into. Bringing someone back involves more than showing someone where they went wrong. It also involves helping them see where their continued wandering will take them.Ephesians 4:2-4Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.We are to lovingly, gently, humbly, and patiently address areas of blame with the goal of restoration and unity. If someone is truly in the wrong, we should confront them—but with the purpose of helping them, not saving our own reputation.Ephesians 4:31-32Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.When someone wrongs us, we often turn to our stockpile of resources and respond with defensive weapons such as bitterness, rage, and angry words. Instead, we should choose to respond with positive overtures: kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness. The former approach simply generates more blaming; the latter creates room for resolution.

Question 7

How does God help me live blamelessly?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 1:8He [God] will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns.Each day we should remember what God has done for us and ask for his help and guidance as we live out that day. He is the one who gives us strength and makes us blameless in his sight.Colossians 1:22He [God] has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.Our right relationship with God begins with—and is maintained and renewed by—what Jesus accomplished for us on the cross. In this section of his letter to the Colossians, Paul may have been confronting an idea that God would never actually take on a human body and die in the flesh. Paul knew that this wrong idea undermined God’s good news of salvation through Jesus.1 Thessalonians 3:12-13May the Lord make your love for one another and for all people grow and overflow, just as our love for you overflows. May he, as a result, make your hearts strong, blameless, and holy as you stand before God our Father when our Lord Jesus comes again with all his holy people. Amen.Paul is praying that these believers will increasingly live holy and blameless lives as they grow in love for one another. We must remember, however, that we can never become perfectly blameless by our own efforts. It is only through Christ’s death on the cross that our sins are forgiven and we become blameless in God’s sight.

Question 8

Since it is impossible for me to be perfectly blameless, does it matter if I sin occasionally?

Accepted Answer

Romans 6:1-2Should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?The Christians in Rome were pondering another side of this same question: If God enjoys being gracious, why shouldn’t we sin more so that God can exercise more of this grace? Every version of this temptation errs by taking God’s forgiveness for granted. When we have reached this point, the deeper sin is not our behavior itself, but our assumption that God will forgive us no matter what we do. Such license makes it very difficult to repent.Philippians 2:14-15Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.Treating our own sins lightly is a terrible mistake. Our responsibility is to live like children of God. To do this, we must keep our hearts and minds pure. Imperfection is no excuse for perversion. It is better to treat seriously our unintended sins than to embrace premeditated sins that trip up others and destroy us.

Question 9

Is blaming others a sin?

Accepted Answer

Exodus 20:16You must not testify falsely against your neighbor.It may come as a surprise to realize that wrongly blaming others breaks the ninth commandment, which forbids knowingly assigning guilt to a neighbor. This is a kind of lying, and it is sin. It violates the great commandment to love our neighbor as ourselves.Proverbs 28:13People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.A primary strategy in concealing our sin is to point at someone else. In these cases, blaming someone else simply adds another layer to our sin. We can be certain that God will not reward this behavior.