Question 1

Is it my fault that I have been abandoned? Is there something wrong with me?

Accepted Answer

Ruth 1:3-5Then Elimelech died, . . . about ten years later, both Mahlon and Kilion died. This left Naomi alone, without her two sons or her husband.Ruth 1:20-21“Don’t call me Naomi,” she responded. “Instead, call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty. Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?”Naomi experienced deep feelings of abandonment—both from the death of her husband and sons, and then from feeling that God had abandoned her in her troubles. Whether abandonment happens by choice (such as by divorce) or not by choice (such as by death), it can cause us to feel unloved, alone, and cast aside. Abandonment is not only painful—it’s disorienting. In an attempt to understand our abandonment, we may blame ourselves or even blame God.Ruth 1:6-13So Naomi and her daughters-in-law got ready to leave Moab to return to her homeland. . . . Naomi replied, “Why should you go on with me? Can I still give birth to other sons who could grow up to be your husbands? No, my daughters, return to your parents’ homes, for I am too old to marry again. . . . Things are far more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord himself has raised his fist against me.”Ruth 1:14-18Again they wept together, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-bye. But Ruth clung tightly to Naomi. “Look,” Naomi said to her, “your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods. You should do the same.” But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.” . . . When Naomi saw that Ruth was determined to go with her, she said nothing more.Ruth 4:13-15So Boaz took Ruth into his home, and she became his wife. When he slept with her, the Lord enabled her to become pregnant, and she gave birth to a son. Then the women of the town said to Naomi, “Praise the Lord, who has now provided a redeemer for your family! May this child be famous in Israel. May he restore your youth and care for you in your old age. For he is the son of your daughter-in-law who loves you and has been better to you than seven sons!”Naomi’s feelings of abandonment led to bitterness, shame, and self-sabotage. Naomi believed that she was a burden to her daughters-in-law, so she encouraged them to abandon her as well. In her mind, what Orpah and Ruth really needed were new husbands, not an old widow to care for. Because of Naomi’s insistence, Orpah did indeed leave her; Naomi’s abandonment trauma became a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, Naomi’s other daughter-in-law, Ruth, refused to leave despite Naomi’s efforts to push her away. Through Ruth’s faithfulness and God’s provision, Naomi was able to realize she was deeply loved. Whether you have a Ruth in your life or not, know that God has not rejected or abandoned you, even when life feels lonely. Like Naomi, you are deeply loved, and the way your story has gone in the past will not necessarily determine its ending.Genesis 40:23Pharaoh’s chief cup-bearer, however, forgot all about Joseph, never giving him another thought.Acts 15:37-38Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work.Joseph and the apostle Paul were both abandoned by people they had relied on—and not through any fault of their own.2 Samuel 11:3-4He [David] sent someone to find out who she was, and he was told, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” Then David sent messengers to get her; and when she came to the palace, he slept with her.2 Samuel 11:15The letter [from David] instructed Joab, “Station Uriah on the front lines where the battle is fiercest. Then pull back so that he will be killed.”Uriah had served David faithfully, yet David abandoned Uriah to his death. This was not because Uriah had done wrong, but because David was trying to cover up his own adultery with Uriah’s wife. Sin is often a factor in our abandonment, but that sin is not always our own.Mark 14:50Then all his [Jesus’] disciples deserted him and ran away.Matthew 26:71-72Later, out by the gate, another servant girl noticed him [Peter] and said to those standing around, “This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.” Again Peter denied it, this time with an oath. “I don’t even know the man,” he said.Jesus—who lived a perfect life—was still abandoned by his closest friends. People abandon relationships for a variety of reasons, and many of those reasons have nothing to do with the person they are abandoning. Sometimes people push loved ones away because of their own depression, past traumas, or present fears. In the case of Jesus’ disciples, their fear for their lives overwhelmed their loyalty to Jesus.Acts 15:37-40Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus. Paul chose Silas.Colossians 4:10Aristarchus, who is in prison with me [Paul], sends you his greetings, and so does Mark, Barnabas’s cousin. As you were instructed before, make Mark welcome if he comes your way.2 Timothy 4:11Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me [Paul] in my ministry.Paul and his close friend, Barnabas, parted ways due to a disagreement about John Mark. However, both had good reasons for their disagreement. Paul didn’t want to bring an unreliable person (John Mark) on his missionary journey. However, Barnabas wanted to give his cousin, John Mark, a second chance. Perhaps their disagreement was handled with respect and maturity. Perhaps their separation came with hurt feelings and a sense of abandonment. In any case, we have good reason to believe that Paul, Barnabas, and John Mark all reconciled, since Paul later praised John Mark’s helpfulness in ministry. Relationships are complicated. Though we may feel abandoned or betrayed by someone who chooses to move in a different direction, it is not necessarily their intention to abandon our relationship. Sometimes, such as with Paul, Barnabas, and John Mark, the shift will ultimately benefit the long-term health of a relationship and open new channels for God’s work.Matthew 18:15-17“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”Titus 3:10If people are causing divisions among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing more to do with them.There are legitimate reasons for ending a relationship. If you have been warned about how your behavior is harming someone else, it is possible you are at fault in a friend’s leaving you. However, getting the opinion of someone outside the dispute may give you a clearer perspective about what is behind a separation.John 4:16-18“Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her. “I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied. Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband—for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”Sometimes, people get caught in cycles of abandonment. We don’t know why the woman at the well had a string of unstable relationships. However, relational trauma often initiates such patterns. Perhaps one or more of her husbands had died. Or perhaps she was abused as a child or by her first husband, which may have driven her into other unhealthy relationships. Perhaps she was abandoned by someone close to her, and her fear of being abandoned again led her to subconsciously sabotage her relationships. Perhaps she felt unworthy of being loved and pushed each new partner away. Perhaps she was attracted to the wrong kind of men and kept falling into abusive relationships. Regardless of what was “wrong” with her, Jesus saw her as someone worthy of love and respect—and she became a powerful witness for God’s good news.1 Corinthians 7:15If the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.Marital abandonment is particularly painful and complex. It often comes without warning or explanation. Faithful Christian spouses are left feeling guilty, assuming they must have done something wrong. Scripture does not address the specific causes of every marital abandonment. However, Paul does address one common manifestation of it. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul describes how tensions may form between a Christian and their unbelieving spouse. While Paul advises the Christian to stay faithful to the marriage, he also recognizes that the unbeliever may choose to abandon the relationship. In such a situation, Paul tells the Christian to be at peace—they have done their part. They cannot control their spouse’s decisions, and they are no longer bound to that spouse.Isaiah 49:15Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?Ephesians 5:25-28For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. . . . In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.1 Timothy 5:8Those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.Abandoning family members can come in many forms: A father may abandon his wife and child to fend for themselves. A mother may abandon her children to the whims of her abusive husband. A daughter may abandon her widowed mother to loneliness and poverty. Abandonment comes in many forms, but Scripture condemns all such behavior.Genesis 37:2-9When Joseph was seventeen years old, he often tended his father’s flocks. He worked for his half brothers, the sons of his father’s wives Bilhah and Zilpah. But Joseph reported to his father some of the bad things his brothers were doing. Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob had a special gift made for Joseph—a beautiful robe. But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them. They couldn’t say a kind word to him. One night Joseph had a dream, and when he told his brothers about it, they hated him more than ever. “Listen to this dream,” he said. “We were out in the field, tying up bundles of grain. Suddenly my bundle stood up, and your bundles all gathered around and bowed low before mine!” His brothers responded, “So you think you will be our king, do you? Do you actually think you will reign over us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dreams and the way he talked about them.Genesis 37:23-28When Joseph arrived, his brothers ripped off the beautiful robe he was wearing. Then they grabbed him and threw him into the cistern. . . . when the Ishmaelites, who were Midianite traders, came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.Joseph’s brothers had good reason to be frustrated with him. Joseph was their father’s favorite, and Joseph kept telling their father bad things about his brothers. Joseph even boasted that he would one day rule over his brothers. Yet the brothers’ reaction—to sell Joseph into slavery—was completely unjustified. Joseph had a responsibility for his own sins, but he was not guilty of the sins his brothers committed against him in response. The same is true for us.

Question 2

How can I heal from my abandonment?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 18:24There are “friends” who destroy each other.Proverbs 30:20An adulterous woman consumes a man, then wipes her mouth and says, “What’s wrong with that?”Sometimes, a person who made us feel abandoned doesn’t realize they were hurtful. In other cases, that person may even deny they hurt us. In order to heal from our feelings of abandonment, we must first acknowledge those feelings and the reality of what caused them.Ruth 1:3-5Then Elimelech died . . . about ten years later, both Mahlon and Kilion died. This left Naomi alone, without her two sons or her husband.Abandonment trauma can become complex and compounded when we experience it multiple times—whether that abandonment was someone’s choice or not. For Naomi, her husband and sons didn’t choose to die, but she still felt abandoned over and over again. She was also grieving that her family line had ended (an important part of her culture) and that she now faced the stress of extreme poverty. Together, this created a multifaceted web of hurts and fears for Naomi.Ruth 1:6-13So Naomi and her daughters-in-law got ready to leave Moab to return to her homeland . . . But Naomi replied, “Why should you go on with me? Can I still give birth to other sons who could grow up to be your husbands? No, my daughters, return to your parents’ homes, for I am too old to marry again. . . . Things are far more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord himself has raised his fist against me.”Ruth 1:14-15Again they wept together, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-bye. But Ruth clung tightly to Naomi. “Look,” Naomi said to her, “your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods. You should do the same.”Abandonment trauma may cause us to self-sabotage our relationships. After her series of traumas, Naomi had begun to anticipate that the people she loved would leave her, and she had begun to believe that God had abandoned her to loneliness and poverty. Naomi believed that she was a burden to her daughters-in-law, so she encouraged them to abandon her as well. Orpah did indeed leave: Naomi’s abandonment trauma was becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, Naomi’s other daughter-in-law, Ruth, refused to leave despite Naomi’s efforts to push her away. Through Ruth’s faithfulness and God’s provision, Naomi was able to realize she was deeply loved.Ephesians 4:31Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words.Harboring bitterness only poisons our own soul. For those who are abandoned, the hurt is real and often leaves deep emotional scars. When life isn’t fair, when we are cast aside by someone we should have been able to trust—that’s when bitterness can consume us. Through our bitterness, we permit the person who abandoned us to maintain a level of power over us. It is essential to recognize and deal with that bitterness before it overwhelms us. Otherwise, we may struggle to find healing and not be able to move on.Matthew 5:44“But I [Jesus] say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!”Matthew 6:14-15“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”Luke 23:34Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.Romans 12:19Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.This may be the hardest act of the Christian life: forgiving those who have wronged us terribly without any hope that they will change. But forgiveness is the only way to purge our souls of the toxin of bitterness and a vengeful spirit. By remembering God’s grace for our own sins, we can find the strength and the grace to forgive others. When you forgive someone who abandoned you, you are not saying that the hurt isn’t real or that the abandonment was excusable or that you will give them the same level of trust again. Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. Forgiving the person who abandoned you means that you refuse to let that person’s actions control your life. The person who hurt you doesn’t need to know what you are choosing to do. The act of forgiveness occurs between you and God. Leave your hurt with God and allow his power to heal you from the inside so you can have a fresh start.Proverbs 17:9Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.Luke 22:56-62A servant girl noticed him [Peter] in the firelight and began staring at him. Finally she said, “This man was one of Jesus’ followers!” But Peter denied it. “Woman,” he said, “I don’t even know him!” . . . At that moment the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Suddenly, the Lord’s words flashed through Peter’s mind: “Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me.” And Peter left the courtyard, weeping bitterly.John 21:17A third time he [Jesus] asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.”Acts 15:37-38Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work.2 Timothy 4:11Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me [Paul] in my ministry.Peter Abandoned Jesus. Mark abandoned Paul. Yet both were given a second chance—and proved themselves worthy many times over. Sometimes, the person who abandoned us truly repents of what they have done. In such situations, grace and reconciliation may bring the healing you both need.Matthew 10:16“Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.”It can be hard to know which people are truly repentant. Discernment is a skill that takes prayer, practice, and patience. Forgiveness is a gift, but trust must be earned over time.1 Corinthians 7:3The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.Ephesians 5:28-29, 33Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. . . . No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. . . . So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.1 Timothy 5:8Those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.Hebrews 13:4Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.Healthy relationships come with healthy expectations and boundaries. For instance, a marriage relationship has the expectation that husband and wife will love and respect one another (which includes boundaries, such as sexual boundaries). Parents have a responsibility to provide for their children, and children have a responsibility to care for their parents when they grow old. Abandonment often comes in the form of neglecting the expectations and boundaries set by God for any family.Proverbs 27:5An open rebuke is better than hidden love!Matthew 18:15-17“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”Healthy confrontation is an essential part of setting expectations and boundaries. Matthew 18 outlines a respectful way of handling conflict with a series of ever-widening boundaries. While it is wise and kind to try to resolve an issue privately, if the unhealthy behavior continues, then it is biblical to bring in outside counsel. Bringing in someone from outside a conflict may provide an objective perspective and a path to resolution.1 Samuel 18:7-9This was their song: “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands!” This made Saul very angry. “What’s this?” he said. “They credit David with ten thousands and me with only thousands. Next they’ll be making him their king!” So from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David.1 Samuel 24:8-10David came out and shouted after him, “My lord the king!” And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him. Then he shouted to Saul, “Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn’t true. For the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, ‘I will never harm the king—he is the Lord’s anointed one.’”Proverbs 14:30A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.Proverbs 27:4Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood, but jealousy is even more dangerous.Those of us who have been abandoned in the past often fear it will happen again, and we start to perceive the slightest things as warning signs that someone will leave us. One way this often happens is through jealousy. Scripture describes jealousy as even more dangerous than anger—a cancer that destroys us from the inside out. King Saul’s jealousy of David caused him to try to kill his most faithful servant. While we should not ignore the warning signs of unfaithfulness, we should be very cautious about assuming the worst. Such assumptions can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading us to push people away from us despite their loyalty.Genesis 50:1Joseph threw himself on his father and wept over him and kissed him.2 Samuel 18:33The king was overcome with emotion. He went up to the room over the gateway and burst into tears. And as he went, he cried, “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you! O Absalom, my son, my son.”Jeremiah 9:20Listen, you women, to the words of the Lord; open your ears to what he has to say. Teach your daughters to wail; teach one another how to lament.Sometimes, our sense of abandonment comes from the death of someone significant to us. We need to give ourselves the permission and freedom to grieve—whether we had a healthy relationship with that person or not. Honest expressions of grief, such as crying, are a necessary part of healing. They allow us to release the emotional pressure of our sorrow.Lamentations 3:18-24I cry out, “My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!” The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”Lamentations 3:31-33No one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.Lamentations 3:48-50Tears stream from my eyes because of the destruction of my people! My tears flow endlessly; they will not stop until the Lord looks down from heaven and sees.Lamentations 5:19-22Lord, you remain the same forever! Your throne continues from generation to generation. Why do you continue to forget us? Why have you abandoned us for so long? Restore us, O Lord, and bring us back to you again! Give us back the joys we once had! Or have you utterly rejected us? Are you angry with us still?Jeremiah was a faithful prophet, but his warnings to his people were rejected—sometimes violently. In time, their rejection of God led to heavy consequences: the fall of Jerusalem to the Babylonians and exile for the people of Judah. Jeremiah had a great deal to grieve over: the apparent failure of his faithful ministry; the personal rejection he faced from his people; the war, destruction, and death that overcame Jerusalem; the poverty, homelessness, and suffering that he and the rest of his people now faced in exile; and even the fear and pain of feeling abandoned by God. Known as the weeping prophet, Jeremiah shared his pain freely in his book of Lamentations, an honest admission of his fears, frustrations, sorrows—and hopes. Scripture invites us to do the same.Psalm 22:1-2My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night I lift my voice, but I find no relief.Psalm 22:9-11Yet you brought me safely from my mother’s womb and led me to trust you at my mother’s breast. I was thrust into your arms at my birth. You have been my God from the moment I was born. Do not stay so far from me, for trouble is near, and no one else can help me.Psalm 22:23-24Praise the Lord, all you who fear him! Honor him, all you descendants of Jacob! Show him reverence, all you descendants of Israel! For he has not ignored or belittled the suffering of the needy. He has not turned his back on them, but has listened to their cries for help.Psalm 77:1-3I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me! When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord. All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted. I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help.The psalms teach us how to cry out to God when we experience feelings of grief and abandonment. We might believe that we are supposed to feel a certain way when we pray, and it can be tempting to put on a false front before God. But that’s not at all what David, Asaph, and the other psalmists did. Instead, they bared their feelings, fears, and doubts before God, honestly admitting what they were going through. Only then, once they had let that out, did they steer their thoughts to God’s love, power, and promises. Take some time to read Psalm 22 and Psalm 77 in their entirety, and meditate on the grief and the hope in the words.Isaiah 53:3He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.Mark 14:43-50Immediately, even as Jesus said this, Judas, one of the twelve disciples, arrived with a crowd of men armed with swords and clubs. . . . Then all his disciples deserted him and ran away.Jesus experienced abandonment too. When we pray, we are talking to a God who truly understands how we feel.Proverbs 29:25Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety.John 6:60-66Many of his [Jesus’] disciples said, “This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?” . . . At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him.John 12:42-43Many people did believe in him [Jesus], however, including some of the Jewish leaders. But they wouldn’t admit it for fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. For they loved human praise more than the praise of God.Many people suffering from abandonment trauma were abandoned as children. We feel as if we had done something wrong, and now we must be the best coworker, friend, or spouse in order to prevent that from happening again. But even if we were perfect like Jesus, that wouldn’t necessarily protect us from abandonment. That’s because abandonment is often influenced by the sins of others rather than our own. Jesus—who never sinned—was betrayed and abandoned too, and he felt that pain deeply. However, he was also confident in his Father’s plan, confident in who he was called to be, and confident in what he was called to do. When we seek our Father’s will first, like Jesus, we will become more at peace despite the shifting tides of human opinion and behavior.Psalm 147:3He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.Matthew 11:28Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”Matthew 15:30-31Jesus . . . healed them all.Only Jesus can truly heal broken lives. That healing may not be instantaneous—it takes time to heal the heart and mind—but such healing is miraculous all the same.

Question 3

Is there a difference between rejection, betrayal, and abandonment?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 12:23-24The crowd was amazed and asked, “Could it be that Jesus is the Son of David, the Messiah?” But when the Pharisees heard about the miracle, they said, “No wonder he can cast out demons. He gets his power from Satan, the prince of demons.”Mark 14:10-11Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests to arrange to betray Jesus to them. They were delighted when they heard why he had come, and they promised to give him money. So he began looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus.Mark 14:43-50Immediately, even as Jesus said this, Judas, one of the twelve disciples, arrived with a crowd of men armed with swords and clubs. . . . Then all his disciples deserted him and ran away.Jesus was rejected, betrayed, and abandoned by various different people. Jesus preached the truth and invited the Pharisees to learn from him, but instead of accepting Jesus as their Lord and teacher, they rejected him. Rejection is a refusal of a relationship. In contrast to the Pharisees who rejected Jesus, Judas betrayed Jesus. Though Jesus had spent three years in close relationship with Judas, Judas was willing to endanger Jesus in exchange for money. Betrayal intentionally harms someone in close relationship with us. The rest of the disciples abandoned Jesus—though they were Jesus’ most trusted friends, they chose to leave him when things became difficult. Abandonment does not actively seek harm, but it often causes harm through neglected responsibilities (for example, a mother or father leaving their family).

Question 4

When is it appropriate to abandon a relationship?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 19:19Hot-tempered people must pay the penalty. If you rescue them once, you will have to do it again.Proverbs 22:10Throw out the mocker, and fighting goes, too. Quarrels and insults will disappear.Proverbs 22:24-25Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.If someone is dangerous to be around, you may need to cut them out of your life until they demonstrate that they have truly changed. In your personal life, that could involve separating from a long-time friend or a family member.Galatians 2:11-14When Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong. When he first arrived, he ate with the Gentile believers, who were not circumcised. But afterward, when some friends of James came, Peter wouldn’t eat with the Gentiles anymore. He was afraid of criticism from these people who insisted on the necessity of circumcision. As a result, other Jewish believers followed Peter’s hypocrisy, and even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. When I saw that they were not following the truth of the gospel message, I said to Peter in front of all the others, “Since you, a Jew by birth, have discarded the Jewish laws and are living like a Gentile, why are you now trying to make these Gentiles follow the Jewish traditions?”2 Peter 3:15This is what our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you with the wisdom God gave him.A schism had begun to form among the Christians in Antioch between the Jewish and the Gentile believers, and even the apostle Peter had become part of the problem. But Paul’s first response was not to cut Peter off—it was to correct him boldly and set clear expectations for the relationship between Jewish and Gentile believers. It can be tempting to abandon a relationship when conflict first arises. However, confronting that conflict in a firm but loving way often yields better results. Based on one of Peter’s later letters (2 Peter), we see that Paul’s confrontation did not destroy Peter and Paul’s relationship, but rather strengthened it for the long haul.Luke 4:42-43Early the next morning Jesus went out to an isolated place. The crowds searched everywhere for him, and when they finally found him, they begged him not to leave them. But he replied, “I must preach the Good News of the Kingdom of God in other towns, too, because that is why I was sent.”John 6:15When Jesus saw that they were ready to force him to be their king, he slipped away into the hills by himself.Jesus faced many demands and expectations from people. Sometimes, those demands and expectations became unhealthy. At one point, the crowds tried to keep Jesus from leaving, but Jesus knew his priority was to reach new places—and he told this clearly to the crowds. By setting a clear boundary, Jesus resolved the conflict. In another instance, a crowd of people decided they would force Jesus to become their king. Jesus had a clear understanding of what his heavenly Father had planned for his ministry on earth, and he knew it was not time for him to become an earthly king. Recognizing that the crowd had different expectations and would not respect his boundaries, Jesus abandoned the situation entirely. New boundaries are an opportunity to correct unhealthy patterns in a relationship, but if those boundaries are repeatedly disrespected, abandoning the relationship may be necessary.1 Corinthians 13:4-5Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.Colossians 3:13Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.2 Thessalonians 3:14-15Take note of those who refuse to obey what we say in this letter. Stay away from them so they will be ashamed. Don’t think of them as enemies, but warn them as you would a brother or sister.The people close to us will seldom perfectly respect the expectations and boundaries we set. A family member may occasionally neglect to do the dishes, or a friend may not respect our tight schedule. Those boundaries matter, but occasional faults are an unavoidable part of living in relationship with others. Holding on to grudges about such faults leads to bitterness and undermines the foundational love of the relationship. However, some behavior goes beyond a fault or a mistake. Sometimes the boundary is significant enough—such as any kind of abuse or crossing a sexual boundary—that the relationship’s trust and safety is broken. Other times, a smaller boundary is broken repeatedly to the point of blatant disrespect—such as one friend expecting another to immediately drop what they are doing whenever they call. Such behavior might be grounds for ending a relationship.Matthew 18:15-17“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”Scripture affirms the value of open communication and forgiveness. It also affirms bringing in an unbiased third party to help mediate a conflict. However, if your efforts are rejected and someone persists in toxic behaviors, it may be wise to end that relationship.1 Corinthians 5:1-6I [the apostle Paul] can hardly believe the report about the sexual immorality going on among you—something that even pagans don’t do. I am told that a man in your church is living in sin with his stepmother. You are so proud of yourselves, but you should be mourning in sorrow and shame. And you should remove this man from your fellowship. . . . you must throw this man out and hand him over to Satan so that his sinful nature will be destroyed and he himself will be saved on the day the Lord returns.When someone who claims to be a believer is living in bold, unrepentant sin, it is appropriate for Christians to distance themselves. If a Christian community tolerates adultery or abuse, that person is enabled to keep on living in sin. That sends a message to others in the church that such behavior is okay. It also signals to people outside the church that Christians don’t really believe what they preach. The intent behind sending someone away is not only for the health of the church but also for the salvation of the one who is sent away. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 5:5, the hope is that “he himself will be saved on the day the Lord returns.”2 Corinthians 6:14Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?Matthew 5:13“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.”Matthew 5:14-16“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.”Matthew 9:10-13Matthew invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum?” When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.” Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”Galatians 6:1If another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.Some Christians cut off relationships with any Christian who doesn’t fit their personal standard of beliefs and behavior. Other Christians people-please, affirming sin to avoid conflict and maintain the approval of others. Neither of these approaches represents Christ’s character. As representatives of Jesus, we are called to be both salt and light—salt that preserves godliness and light that brings God’s love to others. We must be careful not to foster relationships that pull us into sin, but at the same time we should not abandon relationships where Christ is calling us to be a light. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all rule we can use to sort this out. It takes prayer and discernment.Matthew 6:14-15“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”Matthew 5:44“But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!”Luke 23:34Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”Romans 12:19Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.Scripture commands us to forgive those who have hurt us—but it does not command us to rebuild every relationship. When you forgive someone after you have ended a relationship, you are not saying the hurt isn’t real, or that their behavior was excusable, or that you will put yourself in a position where you might be harmed again. Forgiveness is a choice to let go of the bitterness you have held in your heart, a refusal to let that person keep holding power over your life. The person who hurt you doesn’t need to know what you are choosing to do. The act of forgiveness occurs between you and God. Leave your hurt with God and allow his power to heal you from the inside so you can have a fresh start.

Question 5

Where is God during my difficult times?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 37:28So when the Ishmaelites, who were Midianite traders, came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.Genesis 39:3The Lord was with Joseph, giving him success in everything he did.Genesis 39:20-21So he [Potiphar] took Joseph and threw him into the prison where the king’s prisoners were held, and there he remained. But the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the Lord made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden.Genesis 40:23Pharaoh’s chief cup-bearer, however, forgot all about Joseph, never giving him another thought.Genesis 41:38So Pharaoh asked his officials, “Can we find anyone else like this man so obviously filled with the spirit of God?”Genesis 50:20-21“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he [Joseph] reassured them by speaking kindly to them.Joseph’s own brothers had sold him into slavery. The master he had faithfully served threw him into prison based on false charges. The cupbearer Joseph had helped and encouraged in prison forgot about him after being set free, leaving Joseph in prison for two more years. Yet throughout Joseph’s trials, he continued to serve God faithfully and treat others with kindness and respect. God never left Joseph. In fact, he used the terrible things that had happened to place Joseph in a position to save countless lives from a great famine—including Joseph’s own family.Genesis 3:6-8The woman . . . saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame . . . So they hid from the Lord God among the trees.Romans 8:20-22Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.1 Corinthians 15:21-22So you see, just as death came into the world through a man, now the resurrection from the dead has begun through another man. Just as everyone dies because we all belong to Adam, everyone who belongs to Christ will be given new life.When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, sin entered the world. Thus, every person born since then has been born into a fallen world, where sin and its results are the rule, not the exception. The results of sin include suffering, death, and decay. No one is immune to suffering, even the most holy and devout followers of Jesus. Yet we also know this life—and its suffering—is not the end. Because of Jesus, we can look forward to eternal life beyond the grave.Deuteronomy 8:5“Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good.”Proverbs 3:11-12My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.Hebrews 12:5-11Our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.Revelation 3:19“I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.”Sin often brings painful consequences. Such consequences are not a sign that God has rejected us. In fact, they may be a sign of God’s love for us. God wants us to understand the pain and destruction that sin causes for us and for our neighbors, helping us to reject that sin firmly. Often, experiencing a portion of sin’s consequences helps build the discipline we need to resist the next temptation. Just as the best earthly parents discipline their children out of love, our heavenly Father’s loving discipline helps us grow and mature to become more like him.Psalm 22:1-24My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night I lift my voice, but I find no relief. Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. Our ancestors trusted in you, and you rescued them. They cried out to you and were saved. They trusted in you and were never disgraced. . . . Praise the Lord, all you who fear him! Honor him, all you descendants of Jacob! Show him reverence, all you descendants of Israel! For he has not ignored or belittled the suffering of the needy. He has not turned his back on them, but has listened to their cries for help.God does not always answer prayer immediately or in the way we expect. Sometimes, we feel abandoned by God for reasons that are all too real and painful. Even David felt this way at times. He didn’t simply hide or suppress these feelings. He expressed them honestly to God. Yet David didn’t stop there. He also reminded himself of all the reasons he could trust God’s character—all the ways God had answered his prayers in the past. David’s faith was both honest and hopeful, and it gave him the patience he needed to wait for God to act. As we can see from David’s life, God was indeed faithful.Matthew 5:10“God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.”John 15:19-20“The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you. Do you remember what I told you? ‘A slave is not greater than the master.’ Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you.”John 16:33“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”1 Peter 2:20Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you.1 Peter 4:12-13Don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.Jesus promised us that following him would lead to persecution. We should not be surprised or discouraged by human opposition, and we can take heart that God blesses those who are patient in suffering.Romans 5:3-5We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.Galatians 6:9So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.James 1:12God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.1 Peter 1:6-7So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.1 Peter 5:10In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.Sin and persecution are not the only sources of trial in our lives. Many trials simply come because we live in a broken world. But God can redeem these obstacles for his good purposes. Often, trials become the fire that refines our spiritual maturity and strengthens our relationship with him.1 Samuel 12:22“The Lord will not abandon his people, because that would dishonor his great name. For it has pleased the Lord to make you his very own people.”Matthew 28:20“Be sure of this: I [Jesus] am with you always, even to the end of the age.”John 11:32-35When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept.Hebrews 4:14-16So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.Suffering in our lives does not mean God has left us. In fact, through suffering we can experience God’s comfort more than ever. We may feel alone in our suffering, but God will not—and cannot—abandon us. He cannot act against his loving and faithful nature. Satan wants us to feel alone and abandoned, separated from God and others. He tells us lies to trick us into avoiding prayer and community with believers. Sometimes, those lies are rooted in true memories of human betrayal and rejection. Sometimes, those lies are rooted in true tragedies such as the death of a loved one. We may never know the intricacies of God’s plan and why he allows what he allows, but we can know that he feels our pain as deeply as we do. Jesus experienced humanity in all its fullness, and that includes human grief and pain.Psalm 9:10Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.Psalm 27:10Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.John 14:16“I [Jesus] will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you.”2 Corinthians 4:9We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.Revelation 3:20“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.”God is always pursuing us, trying to get our attention. Are we aware of him? If we are sincerely looking for him, we are sure to find him because God will never abandon anyone who wants a relationship with him. In our difficult times, some of our closest friends and family may neglect or even desert us, but God never will.Romans 8:31, 38-39What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? . . . And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.Sometimes we can feel as though everyone has left us or is against us—but God is always with us, for us, and loving us with a deep and faithful love. Even if all others abandon us and the future looks bleak, God remains faithful and active in our lives.

Question 6

Other people have abandoned me—why hasn’t God?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 40:23Pharaoh’s chief cup-bearer, however, forgot all about Joseph, never giving him another thought.2 Samuel 11:15The letter instructed Joab, “Station Uriah on the front lines where the battle is fiercest. Then pull back so that he will be killed.”Matthew 26:71-72Later, out by the gate, another servant girl noticed him [Peter] and said to those standing around, “This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.” Again Peter denied it, this time with an oath. “I don’t even know the man,” he said.Acts 15:37-38Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work.Numbers 23:19“God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?”People can be unreliable and untrustworthy for many reasons, such as laziness, conflict avoidance, selfishness, jealousy, and fear. However, God is never lazy, selfish, or afraid. He is God—and he always keeps his promises.Luke 5:30-32The Pharisees and their teachers of religious law complained bitterly to Jesus’ disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with such scum?” Jesus answered them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.”Luke 15:1-7Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach. This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them! So Jesus told them this story: “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!”Luke 15:11-24Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything. When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’ So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.”Maybe you have lived a life of disobedience. Maybe you have wandered so far from God you are not sure you could ever find your way back. Maybe you have done shameful things with the gifts God has given you—things you cannot forgive yourself for, much less expect God to forgive. It may be hard to believe, but the truth is clear in God’s Word: No matter how much you have messed up your life, God still loves you as his child. Christ’s blood has washed you clean—you are forgiven. He will never abandon you. He is seeking you out, and the moment you turn to him, he will welcome you home with open arms.Genesis 37:28So when . . . Midianite traders came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.Deuteronomy 31:8“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”Psalm 27:10Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.Isaiah 49:15“Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!”Hebrews 13:5God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”We may feel that everyone is against us. We may carry the hurt that others have inflicted on us. But God loves us with a deep and lasting love that surpasses the love of any human relationship. No matter what happens, he will never abandon us. He will always be with us, waiting for us to turn to him.

Question 7

In what circumstances might God abandon me?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 28:18, 20Jesus came and told his disciples . . . “Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”John 14:16“I [Jesus] will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you.”2 Corinthians 4:9We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.Hebrews 13:5God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”God promises to be present with us, in us, and beside us in all circumstances. No matter what we are facing, we can count on his loving presence.2 Chronicles 15:2He [the prophet Azariah] went out to meet King Asa as he was returning from the battle. “Listen to me, Asa!” he shouted. “Listen, all you people of Judah and Benjamin! The Lord will stay with you as long as you stay with him! Whenever you seek him, you will find him. But if you abandon him, he will abandon you.”Psalm 78:56-62They kept testing and rebelling against God Most High. They did not obey his laws. They turned back and were as faithless as their parents. They were as undependable as a crooked bow. They angered God by building shrines to other gods; they made him jealous with their idols. When God heard them, he was very angry, and he completely rejected Israel. Then he abandoned his dwelling at Shiloh, the Tabernacle where he had lived among the people. He allowed the Ark of his might to be captured; he surrendered his glory into enemy hands. He gave his people over to be butchered by the sword, because he was so angry with his own people—his special possession.Jeremiah 7:13, 15“While you were doing these wicked things, says the Lord, I spoke to you about it repeatedly, but you would not listen. I called out to you, but you refused to answer . . . And I will send you out of my sight into exile, just as I did your relatives, the people of Israel.”Ezekiel 33:11“As surely as I live, says the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of wicked people. I only want them to turn from their wicked ways so they can live. Turn! Turn from your wickedness, O people of Israel! Why should you die?”God was patient and faithful with Israel, even when they blatantly rejected him. However, God gave Israel consequences for their disobedience—through war, through exile, and through enemy occupation. These consequences reminded Israel of their need for God and motivated them to repent. Even when God seemingly abandoned Israel to dark times, he did it out of a desire to restore his relationship with them. He “abandoned” them to face the consequences of their sin, but he never abandoned his covenant of love with them.John 10:27-29“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father’s hand.”Romans 8:33-38Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. . . . not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.Ephesians 4:30Do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.1 Peter 1:5Through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see.1 John 2:19These people left our churches, but they never really belonged with us; otherwise they would have stayed with us. When they left, it proved that they did not belong with us.Some Christians think that once someone becomes a believer, it is impossible for them to lose their belief and their salvation—after all, many verses describe God’s unfailing love and protection over believers and their salvation. Not even the powers of hell can separate us from him! In this view, those who claim to be Christians but later leave the faith are not true Christians to begin with. In other words, they never had a salvation that could be lost.Romans 1:28-29Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness.Romans 2:4Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?Colossians 1:22-23This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News.Hebrews 3:12-14Be careful then, dear brothers and sisters. Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ.James 5:19-20If someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.2 Peter 2:20-21When people escape from the wickedness of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then get tangled up and enslaved by sin again, they are worse off than before. It would be better if they had never known the way to righteousness than to know it and then reject the command they were given to live a holy life.2 Peter 3:9He [the Lord] does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.Some Christians believe it is possible for us to reject and abandon our faith, and by losing faith, lose our salvation. This view is based on verses like the ones above. The explanation goes something like this: Each of us was created out of God’s love and his desire to have a relationship with us. God will never stop loving us and will never abandon us. However, he does give us a free choice to love him or reject him. When we walk away from him, he will make repeated attempts to bring us back. But if we repeatedly reject him and intentionally close our hearts to him, there may come a point where he withdraws his presence and allows us to fully pursue the path we have chosen. No consequence is more terrible than the absence of God’s presence, and many theologians believe separation from God is the most fundamental aspect of hell. God does not desire this fate for anyone, and the Bible reminds us time and again of God’s patience and forgiveness toward Israel and toward us. Yet ultimately, God does not force us to love and obey him because forced love is not love at all. God wants us to choose him freely.Psalm 51:16-17You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.Luke 15:3-7So Jesus told them this story: “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!”Luke 15:18-20“‘I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’ So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.”Romans 8:35-39Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? . . . Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.1 John 1:9If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.If you are afraid you have committed “the unforgiveable sin” and have rejected God forever, take comfort! The very fact that you have this fear shows that you have not rejected God entirely—you still long to come back to him. Throughout the Old Testament and the New Testament, God promises that he will not turn away someone with a repentant heart. Your heavenly Father has not abandoned you. He is seeking you out, calling you to return to him. When you do, he will run to meet you with open arms.