Question 1

What does God think about sex?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 1:27-28So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”Genesis 2:24This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.Ephesians 5:31-32As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.God created sex. He made men and women as sexual beings—to reproduce and replenish the next generation and to express love toward and delight in one another. The sexual relationship is a key part of husbands and wives becoming one in marriage. God intended sex to be a good thing within the context of a committed marriage relationship.Proverbs 5:18-19Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.Song of Songs 5:6I opened to my lover, but he was gone! . . . I searched for him but could not find him anywhere.Song of Songs 7:6Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!God clearly allows us to love and delight in sex within marriage. Sex is not for reproduction only, but for a bonding of love and enjoyment between husbands and wives. Sex is a significant contributor to intimacy in a marital relationship.Song of Songs 7:11Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers.When marriage becomes routine, it is important to rekindle the fires of sexual intimacy.

Question 2

What sexual responsibility do husbands and wives have to one another?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 7:3-5The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.Husbands and wives do not completely own their own bodies. When they marry, each mate has a loving claim to the other’s body. Both partners are charged with understanding and meeting each other’s needs.

Question 3

What does the Bible say about sex outside of marriage?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 7:1-9Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.Hebrews 13:4Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.As Scripture describes the role of sexuality in marriage, it is clear that the full expression of our physical desires—sexual intercourse—is to be reserved for the commitment of marriage.1 Thessalonians 4:3-7God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives.Sexual sin tears away at trust and splinters relationships. The world’s attitude says, “If it feels good, do it,” but God calls us to exercise control over our passions and our bodies. If we don’t exercise self-control before marriage, we set a poor precedent for a faithful marriage.Genesis 39:7-9Potiphar’s wife soon began to look at him lustfully. “Come and sleep with me,” she demanded. But Joseph refused. “Look,” he told her, “my master trusts me with everything in his entire household. No one here has more authority than I do. He has held back nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How could I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God.”1 Thessalonians 4:3-5God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.Joseph drew his boundaries clearly and early, knowing that sex outside of marriage is “a great sin against God.” When temptation came, he was prepared and he knew how to handle it. The Bible sets boundaries—not to take something from us, but to protect us and help us have the greatest joy and fulfillment in a relationship. Unplanned pregnancy, disease, guilt, shame, and secrets from a future spouse are a few of the consequences of premarital sex. God’s command to reserve sex for marriage isn’t arbitrary—it’s an expression of his love for us.Genesis 29:20-21So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days. Finally, the time came for him to marry her. “I have fulfilled my agreement,” Jacob said to Laban. “Now give me my wife so I can sleep with her.”Malachi 2:15Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.Jacob was engaged with Rachel. He loved her deeply. But he had to wait seven years to marry her and have sex with her. Many people believe that if they are dating someone or engaged with someone or living with someone, then they are “married in God’s eyes” so they may as well have sex. Often, such relationships do not lead to marriage, but the lack of sexual self-restraint lives on. If we want to be prepared for a marriage covenant, a practice of sexual purity in all circumstances helps us to build a habit of self-control and faithfulness. After all, sexual temptation doesn’t end after marriage.1 Corinthians 6:15, 19-20Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! . . . Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.There are many benefits to sexual purity, but they shouldn’t be our primary motivators. Sexual purity doesn’t guarantee a perfect marriage—or marriage at all, for that matter. Sexual purity doesn’t guarantee a great sex life after marriage, either. But sexual purity honors Christ and shows respect to other human beings. Whether we receive all those benefits or not, we should still pursue sexual purity out of our love for Christ.

Question 4

Is it wrong if I think about having sex with someone other than my spouse?

Accepted Answer

Exodus 20:17“You must not covet your neighbor’s wife, . . . or anything else that belongs to your neighbor.”Matthew 5:27-28“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”Lust is adultery in the heart. While it is technically true that when we only imagine having sex with someone we have not actually consummated it physically, it is also true that in our heart we have committed adultery. It is clearly destructive to allow our mind and heart to move in this direction.Matthew 15:19-20“From the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you.”Mark 7:20-22Then he [Jesus] added, “It is what comes from inside that defiles you. For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness.”James 1:14-15Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.What we think about doesn’t just come from our mind; it comes from our heart. Our heart is where our desires come from, and those desires become thoughts, which then become actions. Left unchecked, wrong thoughts eventually result in wrong actions. If we continue to think about having sex with someone, our heart will begin to convince our mind that what we want to do is okay.

Question 5

Will God forgive my past sexual sins? Can I truly start over?

Accepted Answer

John 4:17-19“I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied. Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband—for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!” “Sir,” the woman said, “you must be a prophet.”John 4:28-39The woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, “Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he possibly be the Messiah?” . . . Many Samaritans from the village believed in Jesus because the woman had said, “He told me everything I ever did!”The woman at the well had a long history of broken relationships with men. Yet in the Gospel of John, she is the first person to whom Jesus openly reveals himself as the Messiah. Jesus chose her—and because of her witness, many people came to know and believe in God’s Good News. No matter what we have done, Jesus can work through our lives, too.Luke 15:30“‘When this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’”1 Corinthians 6:9-11Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.It is impossible to love God wholeheartedly while living in sexual disobedience to him. But as we can see in Scripture, if we repent, a sexual past is never a barrier to fully following Jesus. In the parable of the prodigal son, Jesus describes the son committing sexual sin specifically, yet the father still celebrates his son’s return with open arms. If you have a sexual history, even sexual sin after you became a believer, know that God still wants you like the father longed for his lost son.Acts 13:38-39“Brothers, listen! We are here to proclaim that through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins. Everyone who believes in him is made right in God’s sight—something the law of Moses could never do.”1 John 1:8-9If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.God will forgive any sexual sin if there is sincere repentance. Repentance involves acknowledging that what we did was wrong, showing a desire for God’s forgiveness, and working toward change.Romans 1:24So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other’s bodies.God will not forgive sin when we persist in that sin and are not sorry about it. Engaging in persistent, willful sin shows that we care more about pleasing ourselves than pleasing God.Psalm 51:1-17Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. . . . Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. . . . You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.King David famously committed adultery with Bathsheba and then tried to cover it up by committing murder. It was a shocking and horrific series of sins from someone known as a man after God’s own heart. David could not undo the damage he had done, and there were terrible consequences for his actions. However, he did what he could do—he repented, asking God to change his heart. And God answered. Sin isn’t something we have to overcome on our own strength before we can approach God. When we are dirty and broken, weighed down with guilt, God is the first person we should turn to. If we truly desire it, he can and will create a clean heart within us and give us a fresh start.

Question 6

Isn’t my body my own, to do with as I choose?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 6:13You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies.1 Corinthians 6:19-20Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.Romans 12:1I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.When we become followers of Jesus, we dedicate ourselves to the Lord, and that includes dedicating our bodies. Our bodies are no longer truly ours, but are his temple. How we treat and use our bodies is part of being a living sacrifice. In marriage, our bodies also belong to our spouse.1 Corinthians 6:15Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!Colossians 3:17Whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.Each of us is a representative of Christ. When we sin, we not only affect ourselves—we affect Christ’s witness in the world.1 Corinthians 7:3-4The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.Malachi 2:14-16You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. . . . “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”Our bodies do not belong to us. They belong to God, and they also belong to our spouse. The choices we make with our bodies are not merely personal choices. Those choices affect others deeply, and they affect the health of our relationship with God.Leviticus 18:20“Do not defile yourself by having sexual intercourse with your neighbor’s wife.”Deuteronomy 22:22“If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil.”The urgency and strength of these Old Testament laws dealing with sexual activity outside of marriage is related to its devastating impact on families and communities. Such sexual relationships are so damaging because they destroy trust, create confusion in relationships, and tear down a climate of respect. Without those things, there can be no real community among God’s people. Sex outside of marriage always leads to profound harm.

Question 7

How can I fight sexual temptation?

Accepted Answer

Luke 16:10“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.”James 1:14-15Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.Sexual temptation rarely goes from zero to one hundred all at once. Usually, it starts small as we make crass jokes or dwell on inappropriate images in our minds. Over time, it may grow into pornography use, masturbation, or some other expression of lust. Feeding lust only causes it to demand more. If we want to resist sexual temptation, we need to stop feeding it—no matter how small those concessions may seem.Philippians 4:8Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.Trying not to think about something is self-defeating. Instead of gritting our teeth and trying not to lust, we should turn our minds instead to things that are good and profitable. Lust often comes when we are feeling depressed, tired, lonely, or isolated. Calling a family member, reading a book, working on a hobby project, or spending time with friends are ways we can steer our minds away from the lust that arises when we are feeling down or alone.Luke 22:40He [Jesus] told them, “Pray that you will not give in to temptation.”1 Corinthians 10:13The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.Lust is a natural temptation, but we serve a supernatural God. He promises that no temptation will be beyond what we can bear, and he offers us his help. Pray that God will strengthen you against temptation, and when it comes, remember that giving in isn’t the only way out.James 5:16Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.We should ask others to pray for us in our struggles. Not only will their prayers strengthen us, but confessing our sin to someone is a powerful way to hold ourselves accountable. It may be the extra push we need to break a lustful habit once and for all. We will find freedom by being courageous and vulnerable in admitting where we struggle.

Question 8

How do both men and women contribute to a culture of modesty and respect?

Accepted Answer

1 Timothy 2:9-10I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.1 Peter 3:3-4Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.God values modesty. Modesty is more than a high neckline or a long skirt length. It’s a lifestyle of being confident in who we are, yet humble in how we portray ourselves. All followers of Jesus have a responsibility to live modest lives.Job 31:1“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.”Matthew 5:27-28“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”1 Corinthians 10:13The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.Scripture never blames women for the sexual sins of men. Instead, over and over, men are held to a high standard in controlling their sexual desires. God promises that temptation—even sexual temptation—will never be more than we can bear. A godly man has no excuse for indulging in sexual sin, regardless of how a woman acts or dresses.Romans 14:12-13Each of us will give a personal account to God. So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.The Bible does not outline rules for what we should wear. Modesty is a matter of discernment, and what comes across as very modest in one culture might be considered the opposite in another culture. We should avoid condemning other believers over something that isn’t clear-cut. However, each of us has a responsibility to consider how our actions—and choice of dress—could affect those around us. We may not be responsible for someone else’s sin, but we can help reduce the likelihood of their temptation.

Question 9

Why is sexual purity so important?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 19:4-6“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”God designed marriage to be between one man and one woman. When we live a life of sexual purity, we build habits of self-control that equip us to be a faithful husband or wife, and we help others to do the same.1 Corinthians 6:15Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!1 Corinthians 6:18-19Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?All sin is sin, and equally deserving of punishment. However, Scripture singles out sexual sin as having a particularly dangerous impact on our lives. Sex is an emotional and physical experience. In the context of a marriage, sex strengthens a healthy emotional bond. Outside of marriage, it encourages self-seeking pleasure without commitment—and even worse, it can undermine marriages. Our bodies should be used for God’s glory. When we disobey God’s clear commands to use them selfishly, we dishonor the name of Christ.Psalm 51:1-3Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.1 Corinthians 6:9-11Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.Luke 7:47“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love.”Sexual purity is not a scorecard—it’s a lifestyle. Many Christians have been taught that their virginity is what matters, and if they lose that before marriage, they are broken and dirty, forever impure. This is not consistent with the teaching of Scripture. It is true that sexual sin has a lasting impact on us and others. It is true that it can affect a present or future marriage. But our past sexual sin has no power over our decision to follow Jesus here and now. Throughout Scripture (and throughout history), we see examples of people who sinned sexually but who repented and served God joyfully: Rahab the prostitute, King David, the woman at the well, the Corinthians, and many more. Their purity did not come from a history of perfect behavior. It came from complete and wholehearted devotion to their Savior and from faith in his sacrifice.

Sexuality