Question 1

How old is the concept of marriage? Where did it come from?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 2:18-25Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.Marriage was God’s idea from the beginning of creation. He created Adam and Eve as distinct individuals, and, at the same time, he created a special relationship between them in which the two became one. The act of physical intimacy, shared exclusively and uniquely between a husband and wife, is a model of the vulnerability and unity that should be experienced in all other aspects of the marriage. Among Christians, it is also a picture of the intense spiritual intimacy that should exist between a person and God, a model of our relationship with him. Just as he is our only God; our spouse is our only mate. Just as we love God more than anyone or anything, we each love our spouse more than any other person. Just as we are able to be completely vulnerable and intimate in our relationship with God, we are to share intimacy and vulnerability with our mate that we should not share with any other person. Just as God designed the marriage relationship to be exclusive and permanent, he designed our relationship with him to be exclusive and permanent.Mark 10:6-9“But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”Marriage was God’s idea from the very beginning. It is as old as Eden, yet as fresh as the next wedding. Marriage is ordained by God, a sacred relationship, and not one to be entered lightly.

Question 2

Why did God establish marriage?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 2:18-25Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.God created marriage for companionship. After creating Adam, God knew this man needed a companion, another human who could walk side by side with him on life’s journey.Genesis 1:28Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”Malachi 2:15Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.God created marriage as the best environment for raising children. Marriage was designed to help children learn about love by being born into a loving relationship.Ephesians 5:31-32As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.Marriage is a symbol of the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church. A marriage under God should teach the couple much about how God relates to his people.

Question 3

What kind of relationship should a marriage be?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 2:18Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”Ecclesiastes 4:9-12Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.Matthew 19:4-6“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”1 Corinthians 11:3There is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.Marriage at its best is a relationship so close and intimate that the two work together as one. It involves mutual trust, support, defense, comfort, productivity, vulnerability, and responsibility.

Question 4

What are some keys to a happy, strong marriage?

Accepted Answer

Joshua 24:15“If you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”Amos 3:3Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?2 Corinthians 6:14Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?A united purpose to serve God is key to a strong marriage. If we want to take a walk with someone, we must decide together on the direction. If we want to walk through life with a spouse, we must decide together which eternal destination we will walk toward.Proverbs 5:15Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife.Proverbs 5:18-19Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.Hebrews 13:4Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.Faithfulness to one’s spouse is key to a strong and happy marriage. We can have no real trust or intimacy without faithfulness.Matthew 19:4-6“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”Commitment to stay together is essential for a strong and lasting relationship. If we leave open the option for splitting up some day, chances are we will. If we don’t see breaking up as an option, we will prioritize making the marriage work in all circumstances. This commitment joins us together in pursuing and accomplishing united life-long goals.Romans 15:1-2We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves. We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord.Ephesians 5:21-25Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.Self-sacrifice is essential in a strong marriage. This requires that we put our spouse’s needs and interests first before our own.Romans 12:6In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well.Romans 15:5-6May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.In marriage we must understand each other’s differences and celebrate them. This fosters respect for each other and turns differences that would normally annoy or distract us into unique strengths that interest and help us.Ephesians 5:21, 33Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. . . . So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.Mutual submission in serving one another requires vulnerability and commitment, essential keys to a strong marriage.James 5:16Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.Praying with and for each other helps to bond a husband and wife.Proverbs 27:6Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.2 Corinthians 1:13-14Our letters have been straightforward, and there is nothing written between the lines and nothing you can’t understand. I hope someday you will fully understand us, even if you don’t understand us now. Then on the day when the Lord Jesus returns, you will be proud of us in the same way we are proud of you.Colossians 4:6Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.Communication is essential to a strong and happy marriage. Mind-reading is only possible for God, and things will happen in our lives that affect each of person differently. We should talk to our spouses and keep the lines of communication open, even when the conversation is awkward or hard. Instead of making each other guess what we are thinking, we need to be clear and honest. This will build trust and comfort into our marriage relationship.Proverbs 31:28-29Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”Proverbs 31:31Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.Regular affirmation will enhance each other’s value and build a strong marriage. Everyone needs to feel valued. We need to find ways to affirm our spouse each day, and we will build strength and joy in our marriages.Song of Songs 1:2Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.1 Corinthians 7:3The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.A healthy sex life is important for a strong and happy marriage because it allows each person to express intimacy and vulnerability in a way unique from any other relationship. Husband and wife can share special closeness that demonstrates their complete openness with one another. This is what sets marriage apart as a committed relationship like no other and makes it a symbol of our relationship with God.Proverbs 10:12Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses.1 Corinthians 13:4-5Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.Colossians 3:14Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.Showing unconditional love means doing what is right even when our spouse hurts us. Consistently demonstrating unconditional love is difficult to do in a marriage but also the best way to have a great relationship and to win over the heart of even a difficult spouse.

Question 5

In what ways can I show affection to my spouse?

Accepted Answer

Ephesians 5:25For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for herChrist loved the church enough to die for it. Our spouses will see our affection when they know we are willing to give up our lives for them.Song of Songs 7:11Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers.Spending time with one another communicates our level of affection for each other. Finding activities we and our spouses enjoy doing together should be a priority.Song of Songs 1:9You are as exciting, my darling, as a mare among Pharaoh’s stallions.Song of Songs 1:15How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful! Your eyes are like doves.Giving verbal compliments to our spouse is an important way to show affection.Song of Songs 2:4He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me.Our spouses will see our affection for them when we publicly let others know how much we appreciate them.Song of Songs 1:12The king is lying on his couch, enchanted by the fragrance of my perfume.Looking for ways to please our spouse demonstrates our affection. People experience love in different ways. Perfume seemed to be one way Solomon experienced love and pleasure with his wife. We should each ask what our spouse enjoys most and make an effort to express our love in that way.

Question 6

How should a husband treat his wife and a wife treat her husband?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 18:22The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.Ephesians 5:21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.Ephesians 5:25-28For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.1 Peter 3:7In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.A husband should love his wife sacrificially, with the depth of love that Christ showed when he died for us.Proverbs 31:11-12Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.Ephesians 5:22-24For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.A wife should love her husband sacrificially, helping and supporting him, believing in him and submitting to him as he submits in Christ-like love to her (Ephesians 5:21).Proverbs 31:10-31Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.Ecclesiastes 9:9Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil.A good wife or husband brings many great blessings to the other. The next time something irritates us about our spouse, we should remember the blessings our spouse brings to us—precious times, trust, satisfaction, fulfilled needs, helpfulness, and happiness. Whenever we find ourselves ungrateful, we should take the time to count our blessings.

Question 7

What does the Bible say about selecting a marriage partner?

Accepted Answer

1 Kings 11:2-4The Lord had clearly instructed the people of Israel, “You must not marry them, because they will turn your hearts to their gods.” Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway. He had 700 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines. And in fact, they did turn his heart away from the Lord. In Solomon’s old age, they turned his heart to worship other gods instead of being completely faithful to the Lord his God, as his father, David, had been.Judges 14:3His [Samson’s] father and mother objected. “Isn’t there even one woman in our tribe or among all the Israelites you could marry?” they asked. “Why must you go to the pagan Philistines to find a wife?” But Samson told his father, “Get her for me! She looks good to me.”2 Corinthians 6:14Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?God intends marriage to be a loving, trusting, intimate partnership that lasts for life. When someone is a partner for life, that person needs to share the spouse’s commitment to God so that together they can serve him wholeheartedly. Otherwise, the person will spend too much time negotiating with his or her spouse how faith should affect their lives, when they both should be just living it out freely. In time, an unbelieving spouse may even tempt the believing spouse away from faith.Amos 3:3Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?Matthew 7:18, 20-21“A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit.” . . . Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter.”The person we marry will alter the path of our lives. Will that path bring us closer to God or further away? Not everyone who claims to be a Christian lives in pursuit of Christ. Jesus tells us to be discerning and watch what people do, not merely what they say, to determine their character. But even if someone is a devoted follower of Jesus, God may be calling them on a very different path from ours. Perhaps our significant other feels called overseas and we feel called to help plant a church in the neighborhood. Perhaps we desire many children but our significant other wants to focus on a career. Many such conflicts can be solved through compromise or sacrifice—things married couples must do often. Sometimes, though, we may have such foundational disagreements that marriage may not be the best choice. We should pray for wisdom and discernment in the choice of spouse, and trust God to lead us where he wants us to go.

Question 8

What if I have already married an unbeliever? Should we stay together?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 7:12-16Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?In spiritually mixed marriages, the believing spouse is not required to leave. Instead, the believer should try to win the unbelieving spouse to faith with love. Even if that doesn’t happen, the Christian spouse should continue to love his or her husband or wife as Christ loved us, sacrificially and unselfishly. He or she should take the situation to God and ask him to draw that spouse to himself. We also should pray that our faith will grow stronger so that we will not be tempted to fall away.

Question 9

Is marriage God’s will for everyone?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 19:10-12Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!” “Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps. Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”1 Corinthians 7:1-2, 7-9Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. . . . But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.God created marriage and called it good (read Genesis 2:18-25). Marriage is also the means by which God intended children to be born and raised. But the Bible also makes clear that marriage is not for everyone. Sometimes, because of certain cultural, personal, or spiritual reasons, a life of celibacy is a better choice.1 Corinthians 7:32-38I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. But if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin. But if he has decided firmly not to marry and there is no urgency and he can control his passion, he does well not to marry. So the person who marries his fiancée does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better.One advantage of being unmarried is that it allows for a more focused life. A married person must balance personal desires with the desires of his or her spouse. An unmarried person only needs to care about what God desires. This allows the unmarried person to spend great effort and take great risks to follow God wherever he leads. Paul, who was not married, believed this was a better, more satisfying life than marriage, though he understood that not everyone is called to celibacy.

Question 10

If a person’s spouse dies, is it all right to marry again?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 7:39A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord.Marriage is a lifetime commitment. When a spouse dies, the marriage contract is over. The grieving process will take some time, but when the surviving spouse is ready, he or she is free to marry again.

Question 11

What is the importance of loyalty in a marriage?

Accepted Answer

Malachi 2:15-16Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”Matthew 19:8-9Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”God commands husbands and wives to be loyal to each other. He does not merely suggest this. God desires what is best for us, our spouses, and our children. In severe instances, divorce is the only possible way—for example, in cases of unfaithfulness or abuse. The vast majority of marital conflicts, however, need not end in divorce. If we are firmly committed to lifelong marriage, when troubles come, we will look for a way through it, together, not for a way out.Proverbs 5:15, 18-19Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. . . . Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.1 Corinthians 7:2-4Because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.Hebrews 13:4Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.God tells husbands and wives to be faithful to each other, seeking to satisfy and honor each other.

Question 12

How does a marriage relationship illustrate our relationship with God?

Accepted Answer

Isaiah 54:5-6“For your Creator will be your husband; the Lord of Heaven’s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth. For the Lord has called you back from your grief—as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,” says your God.Jeremiah 3:20“But you have been unfaithful to me, you people of Israel! You have been like a faithless wife who leaves her husband. I, the Lord, have spoken.”Hosea 1:2When the Lord first began speaking to Israel through Hosea, he said to him, “Go and marry a prostitute, so that some of her children will be conceived in prostitution. This will illustrate how Israel has acted like a prostitute by turning against the Lord and worshiping other gods.”Hosea 2:13-14“I will punish her for all those times when she burned incense to her images of Baal, when she put on her earrings and jewels and went out to look for her lovers but forgot all about me,” says the Lord. “But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there.”Hosea 3:1Then the Lord said to me, “Go and love your wife again, even though she commits adultery with another lover. This will illustrate that the Lord still loves Israel, even though the people have turned to other gods and love to worship them.”Throughout the Old Testament, God compares his relationship with his people to that of a husband with his wife. God describes Israel’s repeated unfaithfulness and idolatry as sexual infidelity—and the book of Hosea illustrates this most powerfully of all. God often commanded prophets to do unusual things to illustrate their message. In Hosea’s case God actually told Hosea to marry a woman who would be unfaithful to him. Then Hosea illustrated God’s love for Israel by being faithful to his wife despite her unfaithfulness. The pain Hosea experienced deepened his message of God’s love for his unfaithful people.2 Corinthians 11:2I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God himself. I promised you as a pure bride to one husband—Christ.God is showing us that our relationship with him, like a marriage, is based on mutual love, faithfulness, and permanent commitment.Revelation 19:7-9“Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him. For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself. She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.” For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.” And he added, “These are true words that come from God.”Christ loves and treasures us self-sacrificially, like a husband willing to die for his bride. And he did die for us! Because of Christ’s sacrifice, we can look forward to our wedding day with him—a glorious celebration of joy that will last for eternity.