Question 1

Can God be brokenhearted? What breaks his heart?

Accepted Answer

Ezekiel 6:9When they are exiled among the nations, they will remember me. They will recognize how hurt I am by their unfaithful hearts and lustful eyes that long for their idols. Then at last they will hate themselves for all their detestable sins.Although God does not experience pain or suffering like humans do, God speaks of himself as brokenhearted when his people are unfaithful to him: when those who have no reason to turn away and no reason to pursue alternate gods do so. He waits for us to be appalled by our own behavior and return to him.Isaiah 63:9-10In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years. But they rebelled against him and grieved his Holy Spirit. So he became their enemy and fought against them.The rebellion of God’s people broke God’s heart. God kept his promises and allowed his warnings to come true. But even as the grieving God came at his people like an enemy, he provided an open door for reconciliation.Isaiah 53:3He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.In Jesus, God experienced the fullness of human grief. More than half a millennium before Jesus came, Isaiah told God’s people about the suffering servant God would send. God’s servant would be exposed to all the ugliness and pain that comes when humans reject their God and choose sin. The emotional pain Jesus experienced should make us appreciate his forgiveness of sin all the more.John 11:33-38When Jesus saw [Mary] weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept. The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!” But some said, “This man healed a blind man. Couldn’t he have kept Lazarus from dying?” Jesus was still angry as he arrived at the tomb, a cave with a stone rolled across its entrance.When Jesus came to Bethany that day, he witnessed believers and unbelievers grieving with no hope. They thought Jesus could have or should have done something to prevent Lazarus’s death, and they assumed Jesus could do nothing now that Lazarus had died. Their faith had reached its limit. Jesus was saddened by his friends’ lack of faith, but he was brokenhearted at the offense of death itself. He knew that only his own death could forever loose the bonds of death from those who followed him.

Question 2

Can God use my broken heart to bring him glory? If so, how?

Accepted Answer

Joel 2:12-13The Lord says, “Turn to me now. . . . Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead.” Return to the Lord your God, for he is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He is eager to relent and not punish.Our broken hearts can lead us to God. Humility is a good starting place on the road to reconciliation, because it puts God and our problems in their proper perspective. External expressions of repentance are not a substitute for deep inner grief over sin. God always welcomes a genuine return.James 4:9Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy.Exposure of our sins ought to lead to brokenhearted responses. James was an equal-opportunity confronter, holding up the lives of both believers and unbelievers to examination before God. Repentance will be an ongoing discipline as we follow Jesus.Lamentations 1:20Lord, see my anguish! My heart is broken and my soul despairs, for I have rebelled against you.Recognizing and expressing sorrow over sin is a healthy part of repentance. Sometimes it takes a broken heart and a soul in despair to truly consider what God offers us in comparison to the world.Psalm 51:17The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.A broken spirit and heart combine to make the sacrifice God wants from us. When our rebellious wills have been shattered and our hearts ruptured by grief, we can offer God only brokenness—but he is willing to make us whole.2 Corinthians 7:9I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways. It was the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have, so you were not harmed by us in any way.Paul had sent the Corinthians a letter filled with sharp words that were painful for them to read. But their broken hearts led them to realize, confess, and repent of their sin. Paul recognized that deep wounds are sometimes the tools God uses to get our fullest attention.Psalm 51:8-10Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me—now let me rejoice. Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.A rightly broken heart not only looks at the ugliness of its sin but also, like a child under discipline, reaches helplessly for a parent’s comfort and love. Effective repentance never loses sight of the character and promises of the one before whom we repent.Psalm 30:11You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy.Your grief will lead to healing, and your healing will lead to rejoicing. When God works his healing in your life, you will rejoice—and others will rejoice with you.2 Corinthians 1:4, 6He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. . . . Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.On the other side of brokenhearted moments lie opportunities to use our experience to comfort others. We can tell them what God has done for us and hold out the hope that God will do the same for them. Our grief ceases to be a reason for anger and becomes a redemptive energy that can point others to God for comfort and salvation.

Question 3

How does God respond to the brokenhearted?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 34:18The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.Our most painful moments are often the points at which we become most aware of God’s presence. Those are the moments we recognize our constant need of him.Lamentations 3:32Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love.God’s love and compassion are not intended to pamper us; they are part of his lifelong work of perfecting us. He sometimes lets grief wound us before his compassion heals us.Psalm 10:17Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them.This intimate prayer voices confidence that God knows our deepest feelings of grief and fear. We can remember these words when we approach God on behalf of those who are hurting, quoting God’s words back to him.Isaiah 51:12I, yes I, am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear?Other humans often cause the greatest pain we experience in our lives, but God loves to comfort those who suffer. Let God’s ability to comfort you protect you from fearing the heartbreak other people can cause.Psalm 147:3He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.Like a good doctor, God intervenes in the painful places in our lives with healing and with the protection that allows further healing to continue. How often do we remain in pain because we haven’t taken God up on his offer to be our healer?2 Corinthians 7:6God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus.Discouragement is a form of brokenheartedness. When our plans have been thwarted and our actions have been rejected or misunderstood, our natural response is discouragement—a lack of courage to go on. How gracious of God to sometimes provide help by sending someone who can give us new courage by his or her very presence!Matthew 5:4God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.Mourning itself is not a blessing, but it often opens a way for us to receive comfort that was closed off before. The Lord comforts the brokenhearted by his presence, his compassion, his listening, his love, his healing, his encouragement, his blessing, and especially his promises.

Question 4

What should I do when I am brokenhearted?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 143:7-8Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don’t turn away from me, or I will die. Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.Call to the Lord for his help. Be honest with your feelings. Express your hope that he will be present with you every day into the future. He who made you can heal your broken heart. He who loves you will draw you close.Psalm 119:28, 50, 52, 92I weep with sorrow; encourage me by your word. . . . Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles. . . . I meditate on your age-old regulations; O Lord, they comfort me. . . . If your instructions hadn’t sustained me with joy, I would have died in my misery.God’s unchanging Word and character provide a backstop when we are brokenhearted. Our immediate circumstances may seem chaotic and out of control, but his faithfulness and guidance can keep us going.Psalm 19:8The commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for living.Look to the Word of God for help. Meditate on God’s character, promises, and commitment to you. He who created the universe by his word can re-create a new spirit within you. His Word will comfort and encourage you.Mark 14:34-36[Jesus] told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went on a little farther and fell to the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”As Jesus knows firsthand, our moments of brokenheartedness can be very lonely. Friends may not understand what we’re going through; Jesus’ friends fell asleep instead of comforting him. Even God can seem distant. Like Jesus, our task in grief is to continue to trust that our heavenly Father knows what is best better than we do.Luke 6:28Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.Look to God in honest prayer, for prayer puts us in touch with the source of all healing. When others have caused heartbreak by their intentional or unintentional insults, dare to ask God to bring good into their lives. He who created you for relationship longs to show you the freedom of treating others as you want to be treated.Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4For everything there is a season. . . . A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.The mystery of life in a fallen world includes a significant helping of brokenheartedness. Everyone experiences the extremes of crying and laughing, grieving and celebrating. God uses the seasons of life to remind us that he has made us for eternity, where time will no longer be a factor (see Ecclesiastes 3:11).2 Corinthians 2:4I wrote that letter in great anguish, with a troubled heart and many tears. I didn’t want to grieve you, but I wanted to let you know how much love I have for you.Sometimes we must cause a broken heart as we try to heal a broken life. Often the heart we break will be our own. Love risks pain in order to help those we care about.Acts 20:37They all cried as they embraced and kissed [Paul] good-bye.Brokenhearted people need the freedom to express their emotions. Tears provide a means of expressing love beyond words. Express your emotions to trusted friends, your pastor, or a counselor. Sometimes God will provide comfort through the words and help of other believers.

Question 5

How can I help other brokenhearted people?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 69:20Their insults have broken my heart, and I am in despair. If only one person would show some pity; if only one would turn and comfort me.You can give your attention, empathy, and comfort to the brokenhearted. Realize you may well be a vehicle for God’s compassion simply by listening to a hurting person. Insults and cruel words are abrasive, wounding the heart. Attention, empathy, and comfort are therapeutic, healing the heart.Job 16:1-2, 5-6Then Job spoke again: “I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are! . . . But if it were me, I would encourage you. I would try to take away your grief. Instead, I suffer if I defend myself, and I suffer no less if I refuse to speak.”You can be slow to blame people for their own pain. Job had experienced a depth of loss most of us can hardly imagine. His children were dead, his possessions were ruined or stolen, his health was wrecked, and his friends were bent on helping him see that it was all his fault. He was brokenhearted! Job’s “miserable comforters” provide the perfect bad example of how to respond to a friend’s suffering.Proverbs 17:22A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.You can be aware how grief affects a person’s spirit, mind, and body. Awareness leads to sympathy, sympathy leads to helping the wounded, and helping leads to a time of healing. Ask God to help you see the wounds of others, and be willing to help when he does.Romans 12:15Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.You can share in others’ sorrow as surely as you can share in their joy. Both these expressions of love can be real ministries to others.2 Corinthians 1:4[God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.You can share your own experiences of God’s comfort. Others may find healing in your words, and your own pain can be healed more deeply as God gives it a new purpose. In bringing comfort, you may also comforted.1 Peter 5:12I have written and sent this short letter to you with the help of Silas, whom I commend to you as a faithful brother. My purpose in writing is to encourage you and assure you that what you are experiencing is truly part of God’s grace for you. Stand firm in this grace.You can encourage the brokenhearted. Words of comfort can lift up the hurting person. Ask God to show you the presence of his grace in someone’s painful experience.Job 21:34How can your empty clichés comfort me? All your explanations are lies!You can listen quietly rather than speaking unwisely. We don’t help others when we try to rationalize away their pain or tell them we know how they’re feeling. And we can cause added pain by answering questions they haven’t asked or by giving easy answers to complex questions. The best comfort includes a generous dose of silence and humble advice.1 Thessalonians 3:7We have been greatly encouraged in the midst of our troubles and suffering, dear brothers and sisters, because you have remained strong in your faith.You can use your own faith to support others. Believers often lean on the faith of other believers as we weather the storms and troubles of our lives.Romans 1:12When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.You can remain strong in your own faith. Those weakened by hurt are encouraged to see others who have overcome similar hurt. And those who reach out with comfort sooner or later discover themselves to be comforted.Job 42:11All [Job’s] brothers, sisters, and former friends came and feasted with him in his home. And they consoled him and comforted him because of all the trials the Lord had brought against him. And each of them brought him a gift of money and a gold ring.You can celebrate healing. It is a joyful process to watch someone mend after a broken heart. We can become part of God’s comfort as we remind them that God has been with them throughout the painful experience.Mark 16:10[Mary Magdalene] went to the disciples, who were grieving and weeping, and told them what had happened.You can be the bearer of good news. But remember what Mary discovered when the rushed to tell the disciples Jesus had risen: They didn’t believe her. Be patient with the brokenhearted. It may take time for them to receive your gesture of hope.