Question 1

What are the early signs of bitterness?

Accepted Answer

1 Samuel 18:8This made Saul very angry. “What’s this?” he said. “They credit David with ten thousands and me with only thousands. Next they’ll be making him their king!”Anger is the seed of bitterness. Others may have no idea that we are angry with them or why we are bitter toward them. Saul was angry because David was receiving praise he thought should go to him. But once the seed is planted, bitterness doesn’t stay hidden: After Saul had tried to kill David several times, David could see that his king wanted to take his life. And Saul wanted to destroy David even though David had consistently pledged his loyalty to Saul and didn’t know what he had done to offend the king. Bitterness makes it increasingly difficult to see and understand God or the other people in our lives.Genesis 31:1-2Jacob soon learned that Laban’s sons were grumbling about him. “Jacob has robbed our father of everything!” they said. “He has gained all his wealth at our father’s expense.” And Jacob began to notice a change in Laban’s attitude toward him.Resentment is the taproot of bitterness. We can express resentment by blaming others and assuming they intended to offend us. Resentment can even cause us to look at others’ successes with suspicion. We begin to think that others have only become successful by taking some opportunity away from us. This creates a bitter spirit that damages and destroys relationships.Acts 6:1As the believers rapidly multiplied, there were rumblings of discontent. The Greek-speaking believers complained about the Hebrew-speaking believers, saying that their widows were being discriminated against in the daily distribution of food.Discontent is often a tentacle of bitterness. Discontent is caused by jealousy that causes us to think we aren’t getting all the good things we deserve. It creates and reinforces divisions between people and may not actually have anything to do with inequality. It assumes unfairness or injustice when the reality may be more complex. When our focus shifts onto ourselves and what we aren’t getting, bitterness sets in quickly.Numbers 12:1-2While they were at Hazeroth, Miriam and Aaron criticized Moses because he had married a Cushite woman. They said, “Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? Hasn’t he spoken through us, too?” But the Lord heard them.A critical spirit is fertile ground for bitterness. It can focus on an insignificant issue and inflate it into a major complaint, as we see Miriam and Aaron doing in their quarrel with their brother Moses. A critical spirit rarely considers God’s perspective before building a case against someone. If you are often finding wrong in others, you are likely in danger of letting bitterness control your life.Genesis 30:15Leah angrily replied, “Wasn’t it enough that you stole my husband? Now will you steal my son’s mandrakes, too?” Rachel answered, “I will let Jacob sleep with you tonight if you give me some of the mandrakes.”Jealousy is fertilizer for bitterness. Wanting something another person has sets jealousy in motion. It can involve a momentary interaction, or it can pervade a the dynamics of a relationship for years. Jealousy often leads to anger, and unresolved anger leads to bitterness. If allowed to grow, bitterness can lead to harmful or even violent behavior toward others.

Question 2

Why am I feeling bitter? How did I get this way?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 27:41From that time on, Esau hated Jacob because their father had given Jacob the blessing. And Esau began to scheme: “I will soon be mourning my father’s death. Then I will kill my brother, Jacob.”Bitterness comes when we resent the blessings others have that we do not have. Bitterness consumes great amounts of energy. As we can see in Esau and Jacob’s case, when the object of our resentment is removed from the scene, the fuel for bitterness often disappears. By the time Jacob returned many years later, Esau was willing to welcome his brother home.Esther 5:9Haman was a happy man as he left the banquet! But when he saw Mordecai sitting at the palace gate, not standing up or trembling nervously before him, Haman became furious.Bitterness comes when we let anger and hatred take control of us. The objects of our disdain can become all we think about. Bitterness makes even the small pleasures and delights of life taste bad to us. Haman was a man consumed by an advanced case of bitterness.2 Samuel 2:26Abner shouted down to Joab, “Must we always be killing each other? Don’t you realize that bitterness is the only result? When will you call off your men from chasing their Israelite brothers?”Abner and Joab’s conflict arose within their differing political allegiances after the death of Saul, but their feud continued even after both men had joined David’s cause. Tragically, their bitter strife ended with Joab’s murder of Abner. The answer to why you are bitter right now can sometimes be found in past offenses—even offenses that have been passed on to you generationally and have little or nothing to do with your current experience. But unfortunately, bitterness grows the more you retaliate for wrongs done against you. If you don’t like being bitter, let go of the past hurts that incite your bitterness.1 Samuel 30:6David was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their sons and daughters, and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found strength in the Lord his God.Bitterness affects our ability to respond to others. It may make us unfairly hold others responsible for what has caused our bitterness. In David’s case, his loyal men began to turn on him because they were distraught. David helped them address the real issue rather than become consumed with finding someone to blame.2 Samuel 19:6-7“You [David] seem to love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that your commanders and troops mean nothing to you. It seems that if Absalom had lived and all of us had died, you would be pleased. Now go out there and congratulate your troops, for I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a single one of them will remain here tonight. Then you will be worse off than ever before.”Bitterness may arise from prolonged and unresolved grief that turns to despair, robbing us of any hope or joy in our lives.Luke 15:28“The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in.”Resentment can lead to bitterness if we allow it to linger. In such cases, bitterness may be rising from pride and self-righteousness.2 Corinthians 2:7It is time to forgive and comfort him. Otherwise he may be overcome by discouragement.Are you afraid of how you might respond to someone who has caused you pain in the past? Paul was dealing with a church that had wisely confronted a troublemaker and removed him from access to the congregation. Such an approach can bring about either repentance or hostility from the offending party. When there is repentance, and where both sides are willing to forgive the legitimate grievances, reconciliation can occur. Setting aside bitterness in these situations requires God’s help.Colossians 3:13Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.Bitterness comes when others hurt us and we refuse to forgive them. Our response reveals a shallow understanding of our own sinful condition, which God forgave in Christ. Once we realize that God has forgiven us, we are better prepared to ask him for help in extending forgiveness to others.Ecclesiastes 2:17I came to hate life because everything done here under the sun is so troubling. Everything is meaningless—like chasing the wind.The bitterness we feel may be the result of misplaced priorities and purpose. Solomon had the means to do whatever he wished, so he decided to try every pursuit and every pleasure under the sun. But no matter how much he achieved or gained, nothing was able to bring him a sense of fulfillment. As long as he left God out of the picture, nothing could satisfy him.Proverbs 19:3People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord.Micah 6:13-15“I [the Lord] will wound you! I will bring you to ruin for all your sins. You will eat but never have enough. Your hunger pangs and emptiness will remain. And though you try to save your money, it will come to nothing in the end. You will save a little, but I will give it to those who conquer you. You will plant crops but not harvest them. You will press your olives but not get enough oil to anoint yourselves. You will trample the grapes but get no juice to make your wine.”People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at God. Practicing sin cultivates the fruits of sin: emptiness, bitterness, foolishness, and a sense of meaninglessness. The futility of self-centeredness is ultimately seen when we try to blame God for our own sinful errors.Ephesians 4:30-32Do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.Paul hints that bitterness can express itself in many negative ways. We can respond to others with bitterness or with kindness—the choice is ours. We would do well to remember that God has forgiven us despite our continual sinful tendencies.

Question 3

What is the result of unresolved bitterness?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 27:41-42Esau hated Jacob because their father had given Jacob the blessing. And Esau began to scheme: “I will soon be mourning my father’s death. Then I will kill my brother, Jacob.” But Rebekah heard about Esau’s plans. So she sent for Jacob and told him, “Listen, Esau is consoling himself by plotting to kill you.”The immediate results of bitterness may include devising plans to retaliate against the person who caused us pain. In the story of Jacob and Esau, the gracious intervention of God and Rebekah removed Esau’s opportunity to carry out his destructive plans.Job 5:2Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple.Two of the roots of bitterness, resentment and jealousy, become increasingly self-destructive if they are not severed. It is hard to realize that the bitterness, which at first seems so righteous and necessary, gets its energy by consuming its host.Proverbs 27:3A stone is heavy and sand is weighty, but the resentment caused by a fool is even heavier.Unresolved bitterness leads to hatred, anger, jealousy, and revenge. Resentment is a crushing weight that threatens to destroy us. It can keep us from fellowship with God and others, and it can blind us from noticing God’s blessings.Hebrews 12:15Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.Bitterness is like a toxin that affects not only you but also everyone around you. The grace of God makes it possible for you to be gracious with others.

Question 4

How might I cause bitterness in others?

Accepted Answer

Amos 5:7“You twist justice, making it a bitter pill for the oppressed. You treat the righteous like dirt.”We create and inspire feelings of bitterness among others when we are unjust or unfair in our dealings, particularly with those who are poor and oppressed.

Question 5

How should I deal with my bitterness toward others?

Accepted Answer

Mark 11:25“When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”It’s tempting to cover anger or bitterness under a thin veneer of spirituality when we are seething inside. Jesus insists that we confront those feelings and deal with them through forgiveness before we spend time with God in worship and prayer.Acts 8:22-23“Repent of your wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive your evil thoughts, for I can see that you are full of bitter jealousy and are held captive by sin.”Our ongoing relationship with God will involve occasional mental and emotional housecleaning to remove accumulated sinful thinking. Sometimes other believers must intervene by pointing out what they see in our lives. Are you open to receiving corrective words from wise friends? How would you go about pointing out bitterness in someone else’s life?2 Corinthians 2:7It is time to forgive and comfort him. Otherwise he may be overcome by discouragement.People’s responses to rebuke and correction shape the ongoing relationships they have with others. Paul was helping a church move on after dealing with an erring member. Paul realized they were at risk of developing settled bitterness and rejection toward him, so the apostle wisely informed them it was now time move toward reconciliation. If they refused to reconcile with their brother, the otherwise beneficial correction might discourage him and even threaten his faith.Ephesians 4:31-32Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.Forgiveness is the antidote to bitterness. It lifts burdens, cancels debts, and frees us from the chains of unresolved anger. If we want to take Christ’s example seriously and experience his forgiveness, it is necessary for us to forgive others.Philippians 1:12-14I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News. For everyone here, including the whole palace guard, knows that I am in chains because of Christ. And because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence and boldly speak God’s message without fear.Paul was traveling the world and sharing the good news about Jesus. Then he was thrown into prison for sharing his faith! That could have made him bitter. Instead, he was happy because he saw it as an opportunity. He knew that God takes even the worst situations and, if we allow him, brings good out of them. Paul couldn’t wait to see what good God would bring out of his time in prison. While in prison, Paul wrote many of the New Testament letters, which have brought countless millions to faith in Jesus. That’s a lot of good out of a bad situation! God is waiting for you to let him do the same in your difficult situations.