Why am I feeling bitter? How did I get this way? - Bitterness - TouchPoints

Genesis 27:41From that time on, Esau hated Jacob because their father had given Jacob the blessing. And Esau began to scheme: “I will soon be mourning my father’s death. Then I will kill my brother, Jacob.”

Bitterness comes when we resent the blessings others have that we do not have. Bitterness consumes great amounts of energy. As we can see in Esau and Jacob’s case, when the object of our resentment is removed from the scene, the fuel for bitterness often disappears. By the time Jacob returned many years later, Esau was willing to welcome his brother home.

Esther 5:9Haman was a happy man as he left the banquet! But when he saw Mordecai sitting at the palace gate, not standing up or trembling nervously before him, Haman became furious.

Bitterness comes when we let anger and hatred take control of us. The objects of our disdain can become all we think about. Bitterness makes even the small pleasures and delights of life taste bad to us. Haman was a man consumed by an advanced case of bitterness.

2 Samuel 2:26Abner shouted down to Joab, “Must we always be killing each other? Don’t you realize that bitterness is the only result? When will you call off your men from chasing their Israelite brothers?”

Abner and Joab’s conflict arose within their differing political allegiances after the death of Saul, but their feud continued even after both men had joined David’s cause. Tragically, their bitter strife ended with Joab’s murder of Abner. The answer to why you are bitter right now can sometimes be found in past offenses—even offenses that have been passed on to you generationally and have little or nothing to do with your current experience. But unfortunately, bitterness grows the more you retaliate for wrongs done against you. If you don’t like being bitter, let go of the past hurts that incite your bitterness.

1 Samuel 30:6David was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their sons and daughters, and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found strength in the Lord his God.

Bitterness affects our ability to respond to others. It may make us unfairly hold others responsible for what has caused our bitterness. In David’s case, his loyal men began to turn on him because they were distraught. David helped them address the real issue rather than become consumed with finding someone to blame.

2 Samuel 19:6-7“You [David] seem to love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that your commanders and troops mean nothing to you. It seems that if Absalom had lived and all of us had died, you would be pleased. Now go out there and congratulate your troops, for I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a single one of them will remain here tonight. Then you will be worse off than ever before.”

Bitterness may arise from prolonged and unresolved grief that turns to despair, robbing us of any hope or joy in our lives.

Luke 15:28“The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in.”

Resentment can lead to bitterness if we allow it to linger. In such cases, bitterness may be rising from pride and self-righteousness.

2 Corinthians 2:7It is time to forgive and comfort him. Otherwise he may be overcome by discouragement.

Are you afraid of how you might respond to someone who has caused you pain in the past? Paul was dealing with a church that had wisely confronted a troublemaker and removed him from access to the congregation. Such an approach can bring about either repentance or hostility from the offending party. When there is repentance, and where both sides are willing to forgive the legitimate grievances, reconciliation can occur. Setting aside bitterness in these situations requires God’s help.

Colossians 3:13Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Bitterness comes when others hurt us and we refuse to forgive them. Our response reveals a shallow understanding of our own sinful condition, which God forgave in Christ. Once we realize that God has forgiven us, we are better prepared to ask him for help in extending forgiveness to others.

Ecclesiastes 2:17I came to hate life because everything done here under the sun is so troubling. Everything is meaningless—like chasing the wind.

The bitterness we feel may be the result of misplaced priorities and purpose. Solomon had the means to do whatever he wished, so he decided to try every pursuit and every pleasure under the sun. But no matter how much he achieved or gained, nothing was able to bring him a sense of fulfillment. As long as he left God out of the picture, nothing could satisfy him.

Proverbs 19:3People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord.

Micah 6:13-15“I [the Lord] will wound you! I will bring you to ruin for all your sins. You will eat but never have enough. Your hunger pangs and emptiness will remain. And though you try to save your money, it will come to nothing in the end. You will save a little, but I will give it to those who conquer you. You will plant crops but not harvest them. You will press your olives but not get enough oil to anoint yourselves. You will trample the grapes but get no juice to make your wine.”

People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at God. Practicing sin cultivates the fruits of sin: emptiness, bitterness, foolishness, and a sense of meaninglessness. The futility of self-centeredness is ultimately seen when we try to blame God for our own sinful errors.

Ephesians 4:30-32Do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Paul hints that bitterness can express itself in many negative ways. We can respond to others with bitterness or with kindness—the choice is ours. We would do well to remember that God has forgiven us despite our continual sinful tendencies.