Weigh Your Words

CORE PRACTICE #57: Show the world that you are your partner’s greatest fan.

Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”

—Proverbs 31:28-29

TONY

I don’t know if you have ever witnessed something like this. But the few times I have seen it convinced me I should never do it to Lauren.

Occasionally when we have been to gatherings with other couples, I’ve heard a husband or a wife begin to “joke” about their spouse. This person tells everyone about something stupid, silly, or unbelievably inappropriate he or she had just done. The only reason for telling us had to be to get a laugh at the expense of the spouse—the husband or wife who was to be loved and protected above all others. The speaker often softened the blow a bit by prefacing the remark with, “I’m only kidding,” and reminding everyone that their spouse had a good sense of humor and could take it.

Occasionally such joking is okay, I suppose, but over time it can damage your spouse’s sense of self-worth, as well as the bond of trust, respect, and admiration that should exist within a marriage.

Today’s verses from Proverbs 31, a portion of Scripture usually referred to as “A Wife of Noble Character,” suggests a different way to treat one’s spouse. Though written by a husband, these words reflect the way Lauren has treated me all the years of our marriage—with respect, trust, and praise to others. She has never ridiculed or made fun of me in front of others—even, or especially, in the name of “only joking” or “kidding.”

Instead, Lauren has always been my biggest fan. She has taught our children by her example how to appreciate me and applaud me for what I do each day of my life. For years, Lauren came to all my games. Win or lose, she was always there and always vocal in her support of the team and me. Always. She never criticized me for a mistake, either outright or by telling a “joke” at my expense. I have always tried to do the same—supporting her privately and publicly for all she does. Certainly I would never resort to ridicule her in the name of good-natured ribbing.

After the many years she has cheered me on from the sidelines, I was grateful last year to be able to support her at a sporting event. She was competing in her first triathlon, a sprint triathlon held at Fort Desoto Park in St. Petersburg, Florida. The kids and I had such fun taking pictures and yelling for her at the end of the race as she crossed the finish line.

As husbands, we don’t have to wait for our wives to do something special like a triathlon, however. We need to be their biggest fan every day. We always need to be the ones encouraging, lifting, edifying, and affirming our wives’ place and purpose in this world. The same thing is true for wives. From the standpoint of us husbands, I can tell you that when Lauren supports me, my sense of well-being and accomplishment is immediately elevated.

So the next time you’re tempted to talk about your spouse to anyone else, I urge you to weigh your comment first. Ask yourself, Do the words sound as if they’re coming from my spouse’s biggest fan? If not, maybe they shouldn’t be spoken at all. Or better yet, why not replace them with a statement like, “There are many virtuous and capable people in the world, but you surpass them all!” In your own words, of course!

Adventure Application: Look for an opportunity to say something positive about your wife or husband this week, both privately and publicly. If you’re tempted to criticize him or her, take a minute to weigh your words before you speak.