Sealing Your Love

CORE PRACTICE #56: Seek to keep your romance alive, but be aware that it’s normal for feelings to fluctuate and change over time; don’t let unrealistic expectations of constant romance diminish your commitment to—or satisfaction with—your relationship.

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. . . . Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it.

—Song Of Songs 8:6-7

TONY

I can still remember, before Lauren and I were married, how my heart would skip a beat whenever I anticipated seeing her coming around the corner of a building or into a room.

In the years that followed, our love strengthened, moving beyond those intense “feelings” to greater affection, respect, and support. In some ways, maturing love is more difficult because it moves past spontaneous emotion to intentional action. Yet this kind of love is more solid—like the “seal over your heart” that the young woman narrating the portion of Scripture above describes. In her day, seals were used as a form of identification or to show ownership. Wealthy people wore rings with a raised seal etched into them. When they pressed the face of the ring into soft wax, they created a seal that literally sealed the deal.

By the time the Colts offered me a head coaching position in 2002, Lauren and I had weathered many storms and knew our love was enduring. We saw this coaching opportunity as one orchestrated by God. Taking the job, however, came at a price that felt costly at times to our marriage and family.

Lauren and I decided that I would go by myself for the first year and a half. She and the children would stay in Tampa until our daughter Tiara, then a high school junior, graduated with her class the following year.

And so that’s what we worked out. We made it a point to talk by phone every night, although being in different time zones sometimes made it tough to connect with the kids. Our older children knew the sacrifice we were making, but they still missed me, and I missed them. Our younger ones didn’t understand why I couldn’t be with them, which made it really tough to be apart.

We wouldn’t recommend this arrangement for newly married couples or those with shaky relationships. It’s not ideal for anyone. However, by then we’d been married for twenty years and our marriage was strong and stable, so we felt we could make it work. And we did.

Throughout this period, our love for each other continued to mature. That’s what happens in a God-ordained marriage. Love changes and grows. It doesn’t go away because the feelings change; it simply gets stronger.

After two decades of marriage, Lauren and I felt confident that even a thousand-mile separation couldn’t quench our love. And, by God’s grace, we were right.

Adventure Application: This week, sit down with your spouse and discuss how your love for each other has changed and grown stronger through the years. Take a few minutes to express gratitude to God and to each other.