All In

CORE PRACTICE #55: Be willing to step up and do a little more than usual when the situation requires it.

This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another. . . . We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. —1 John 3:11, 16

Lauren

Some people talk about meeting a spouse “halfway” or somehow splitting duties to be fair. But this attitude may not be the best. Even the term equally yoked can lead to the wrong idea—that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition.

It’s not. Yes, compromising and sharing responsibilities both have a role in a relationship. After all, marriage is a partnership, and both spouses need to come together to shoulder the duties, responsibilities, and decision making. But the relationship itself is not a meeting in the middle; it’s a total sellout by each person.

Marriage is not a fifty-fifty commitment. Tony and I learned long ago that marriage requires a 100 percent commitment from each partner. As Frank Sinatra sang long ago, “When somebody loves you, it’s no good unless he loves you all the way . . .”^a

That’s also the lesson of Christ’s love for each of us. After John wrote his Gospel account of Christ’s life and earthly ministry, he went on to write the letters we know as 1, 2, and 3 John, as well as Revelation. In those books he elaborates on lessons he learned from Christ and the Holy Spirit. In today’s Scripture passage, John reminds us that “We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us.”

Christ gave us every bit of Himself because He loved us. He gave us His body, blood, breath—everything—for our salvation and to fulfill the prophecies of Scripture and the promises of His Father for us. John then goes a little further in the next verse when he reminds us that “we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.” And there is no better or more appropriate place to start than in our marriage.

Sometimes the total commitment we show our spouses goes unnoticed by the outside world; at other times, we need to take a public stand. For instance, our family went to every one of Tony’s home games and to most of the away games. We didn’t stay just for the game but always waited for Tony after the game outside the locker room. As a result, we were often subjected to the criticism of fans—the opposing team’s, and sometimes even our own, depending on the outcome of the game. But we were there 100 percent of the time—and Tony knew he could count on us being there. When he came out of that locker room, he knew he’d see our faces.

Likewise, your spouse needs to know that he or she will always see your face and feel your support—100 percent of the time.

Adventure Application: Marriage is not a fifty-fifty proposition. It requires a 100 percent commitment from each spouse. What can you do this week to begin to demonstrate that you understand and are committed to that in your marriage?