Principle 7: Don’t Run Away From Conflict.

UNCOMMON WISDOM

Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. —Colossians 3:14-15

UNCOMMON PRACTICE

Take a few moments to select one of this week’s practices to explore further. The related Adventure Application appears just below each practice. If you’d prefer to come up with a different way of living out that practice this week, feel free to discuss what that might look like.

Watch what you say—even the truth can wound when it’s spoken in the wrong way or at the wrong time.

What words have you said to your spouse this week that you wish you could take back? Why not run them by your husband or wife, asking for forgiveness if necessary?

Avoid frustration and seek to understand each other’s heart by praying together and talking with each other.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how safe would each of you say you feel with the other? It’s okay to admit that you’ve drifted far apart; in fact, when two people who care for each other confess their fears or lament the distance between them, they’ve taken the first step to a closer relationship. If you don’t feel safe—physically or emotionally—with your spouse, it’s time to seek help from an outside counselor.

Practice thinking about an issue on which you disagree from your spouse’s point of view.

As you go about your daily tasks at home, do you find that you get irritated over the same type of issues with your spouse? If so, talk about what may drive your differences in those areas.

Don’t assume your spouse understands how you feel—particularly when life gets busy.

Whether you’d rate your marriage as strong or struggling, you and your spouse need to be on guard against anything that might get between you. Take a few minutes to discuss whether factors like busyness, hurt feelings, or misunderstandings are creating barriers between you. If so, begin talking through them. And don’t be afraid to ask a wise Christian couple or counselor for help.

Be bold and speak the truth in love.

Think about your communication pattern. Is it healthy? Are you able to be honest with each other without being destructive? Stay honest, but commit to remove sarcasm, disrespect, and other forms of “brutal honesty” from your conversations with your spouse.

Expect that when your emotions and perceptions don’t line up, conflict will occur.

Where are you looking? Down in defeat? At each other with eyes blazing? Or up to the one who promises that you can do anything through Him? If you’re not already looking up, how can you help each other do that?

UNCOMMON PRAYER

Take a few minutes to discuss any praises and needs you’d like to bring to God as a couple. Then, in addition to praying about those things together, use one or more of the following prayer prompts to seek God’s help in resolving conflict constructively.

Praise God for His faithfulness, knowing that no conflict or problem is too big to navigate with His help.

Admit the specific struggles you face as you seek to build a marriage that isn’t marked by conflict but by grace.

Ask the Holy Spirit to be your counselor this week, making Himself and His will known as you discuss difficult issues.

Thank the Lord that His love never ends and His patience never fails.