Happily Ever After?

Happily Ever After?

Talk is cheap, like daydreams and other useless activities. Fear God instead.

Ecclesiastes 5:7

Oscar Wilde, the nineteenth-century writer, once wrote, “In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” Deep down, our greatest hope is not for fame, comfort, wealth, or power. Those rewards create almost as many problems as they solve. If you reach your goal, if your dreams come true, you’re bound to eventually wake up someday and ask, “Is this it?”

We will never be happy or fulfilled until we stop measuring our real-life achievements against the dream of whatever we imagined would make us happy. It’s what psychologist Daniel Levinson called the “tyranny of the Dream.” Each of us developed this dream when we were young. Maybe it was planted by parents or teachers, or maybe our own imaginings. The Dream was to someday be truly special. We dreamed that our work would be recognized, that our marriages would be perfect, and that our children would be exemplary. We may have dared to dream we’d be famous or affluent.

If we’ve been hit by a major jolt—diagnosed with cancer, for example—our Dream has been deferred while we hope for a cure. But whatever we are dreaming of, we keep holding out hope that it will be realized and the fairy tale complete. But, as Anaïs Nin reminds us, “We’ve been poisoned by fairy tales.” They don’t come true. The Dream can never make us happy. Even if you reach your goals to become the success you imagined, you’re likely to feel empty. Why? Because our greatest hope is not for fame, comfort, wealth, or power. These are shallow hopes. Our greatest is far deeper. Our greatest hope is for meaning.

What does this have to do with your relationship? Everything. You’ve no doubt hung hopes—perhaps very high hopes—on your relationship. You’ve got your own version of the fairy tale you want to write together, and it’s all about living happily ever after, right? But truth be told, it will be the meaning that you create together that matters most. Sure, the rewards and pleasures you experience as part of your Dream are great blessings, but don’t take your eyes off the meaning of your relationship in the eyes of God. That’s where the ultimate dream becomes real.

Live out thy life in its full meaning for behold, it is God’s life.

—Josiah Royce