When It’s Time For Tough Love

When It’s Time for Tough Love

I wrote that letter in great anguish, with a troubled heart and many tears. I didn’t want to grieve you, but I wanted to let you know how much love I have for you.

2 Corinthians 2:4

THERE IS NEVER A TIME to stop loving your spouse, but there is a time to change the way you express that love. If your spouse has developed a pattern of chronic destructive behavior—and has refused to change even though you have sought to meet his or her needs—it may be time to apply tough love. The apostle Paul had to use tough love with the church at Corinth. Because they had tolerated a sinful situation within the church, he rebuked them—not because he didn’t care about them, as he makes clear in the above verse. Rather, he loved them so much that he wanted them to stop what was harmful and make better choices.

Tough love says to an abusive spouse, “I love you too much to help you do wrong. I will not sit here and let you destroy yourself and me by cursing me every night. I cannot make you stop that behavior, but I will not be here to receive it tonight. If you want to make our marriage better, then I am open. But I won’t be a part of letting you destroy me.”

Your attitude is not to be one of abandonment but of love. Love for a spouse involves caring so much for the person’s well-being that you refuse to play into the sick behavior. Many people are healed when someone loves them enough to stand up to their destructive actions.

Lord God, I pray for wisdom to discern when tough love is needed in our relationship. Please help us to love each other enough to confront destructive behavior.

Tough Love