Shifting The Blame

Shifting the Blame

“Who told you that you were naked?” the LORD God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?” The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” Then the LORD God asked the woman, “What have you done?” “The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.”

Genesis 3:11-13

REGRET SAYS, “I’m sorry. I feel bad that I hurt you.” Sincere regret needs to stand alone. It should never be followed with “But . . .”

One husband told me, “My wife apologizes, then blames her actions on something I did to provoke her. Blaming me does little to make the apology sincere.” A wife said, “He apologized but then added that I was acting like a baby and that he had a right to do what he did. What kind of apology is that?” In my opinion, that is not an apology; it’s shifting blame.

Shifting blame is easy to do and dates back to the very first humans, Adam and Eve. In the above passage from Genesis 3, we clearly see both of them trying to absolve themselves of guilt. That’s not the mature and godly response—and in their case, God saw right through it and held both of them responsible.

When we shift the blame to the other person, we have moved from apology to attack. Blaming and attacking never lead to forgiveness and reconciliation. When you are apologizing, let “I’m sorry” stand alone. Don’t continue by making excuses, such as, “But if you had not yelled at me, I would not have done it.” Leave the buts out of your apology and take responsibility for your own actions.

Father, far too often I try to excuse my behavior by blaming it on something my spouse did first. Please forgive me. I know that’s immature. I need to take responsibility for my own actions. Please help me to do that when I apologize to my spouse.

Apology