Helpful Words

Helpful Words

The lips of the godly speak helpful words.

Proverbs 10:32

DISTORTED ANGER is the kind of anger you feel when the person you love disappoints you. One way to deal with it is something I call “negotiating understanding.” If you’re feeling anger or hurt, it needs to be processed with your spouse in a positive way.

Here’s an example. You might begin by saying, “I want to share something with you that is not designed in any way to put you down. I love you, and I want our relationship to be open and genuine, so I feel that I must share some of the struggles I’m having. Over the past few months, I’ve sometimes felt hurt, disappointed, and neglected. A lot of it focuses around your going to the gym three nights a week. Please understand that I’m not against your efforts to stay in shape. I’m not even asking you to change that. I just want you to know what I’m feeling. Hopefully we can find an answer together.”

Those are helpful words and show that your primary goal is finding a solution, not being right. According to Proverbs 10:32, the godly speak helpful words like this. So when you take this approach, you’re acting in a way God approves. Such an open, positive approach creates a setting for the two of you to negotiate understanding and find a growing marriage.

Lord God, I want my words to be helpful, not hurtful. As we discuss issues as a couple, please give us the desire to find a solution together. Help me to give up the need to be right.

Communication