Information, Not Condemnation

Information, Not Condemnation

Each of us will give a personal account to God. So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.

Romans 14:12-13

DISTORTED ANGER is that emotion you experience when your spouse doesn’t live up to your expectations. What you do with it can make or break your relationship.

Let’s take an example: When Beth and Patrick divided the household chores, they agreed that Beth would take responsibility for the laundry. Today, Patrick is angry because Beth forgot to take his shirts to the dry cleaner. What is he going to do?

He could blast her with harsh words: “I can’t depend on you for anything. I’ve never seen anyone so irresponsible.” If he takes this approach, things will get worse. If, however, he says, “Sweetie, I’m frustrated. I saw my dirty shirts still lying on the chair. I don’t have a clean shirt for tomorrow,” then he may hear her say, “Oh, Patrick, I’m so sorry. I was in a rush and forgot them. Don’t worry, honey. I’ll make sure you have a clean shirt.”

The difference? In one statement Patrick shared condemnation. In the other he shared information: “I’m frustrated and don’t have a clean shirt for tomorrow.” Sharing information is always better than sharing condemnation—not just because it elicits a better response, but also because it follows the Bible’s advice. Romans 14 tells believers to stop condemning each other, because harsh condemnation can cause another believer to stumble. When you answer harshly, you may provoke your spouse to anger or discouragement. Sharing information rarely has those negative effects. Try it the next time you feel like your spouse let you down.

Father, it’s easy to condemn my spouse without thinking, but I’ve seen how harmful that can be. Help me to practice sharing information instead. Please smooth over our interactions so they’re not characterized by distorted anger.

Anger