Dealing With A Difficult Spouse

Dealing with a Difficult Spouse

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:7

FOR SOME PEOPLE, marriage is an extreme challenge. One woman told me, “My husband has been fired from four jobs in the past six years. He doesn’t seem to have any desire to build a stable career or provide steady income for us. I figured that since he’s not working, the least he could do is take care of some repair jobs around the house. But he’s too busy surfing the Internet or playing softball. We’re talking about having kids, but I sometimes feel like I’m already living with one.”

What would you suggest to this wife? Some people would say, “Leave the bum.” I can understand that, but that counsel doesn’t take into account the apostle Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians that love never gives up but is always hopeful. Nothing is impossible with God! With that in mind, my advice to her was twofold: first show tender love, and then show tough love.

The natural tendency is to jump to tough love and offer ultimatums. But if you’re going to take a new approach, always start with tender love. I suggest three months of speaking your spouse’s primary love language at least once a week. Try hard to connect with him or her on an emotional level. If this fails to effect change, then move to tough love and start setting some boundaries. At that point, your spouse will miss the tender love and realize that he or she is about to lose something. Tender or tough, love is the best road.

Father, marriage can be challenging when my spouse is acting irresponsibly. Please help me to remember that nothing is impossible with you. Show me how to communicate my love to my spouse. And if tender love isn’t working, give me wisdom as I seek to navigate tough love, for the good of my spouse and the good of our relationship. Only you have the wisdom I need, Lord.

Tough Love