Dealing With Verbal Abuse

Dealing with Verbal Abuse

I am determined not to sin in what I say.

Psalm 17:3

ARE YOU MARRIED to a verbally abusive spouse? One husband said, “My wife called me a ‘pathetic excuse for a husband’ and said that she would have been better off staying single—all because I didn’t take out the trash in time for the garbage truck to pick it up. It’s been like this since we got married. I don’t know what to do.”

First, understand the source: Low self-esteem lies at the heart of most verbal abuse. Most verbal abusers were themselves verbally abused. Therefore, if you want to help, you must affirm your spouse’s need but reject his or her behavior. You should never accept verbal abuse as normal, but neither should you lash back in self-defense. Make sure your words are God-honoring; like the psalmist, be determined not to sin in what you say. You might say something like: “I know you must be extremely frustrated to say things like that to me. I would like to help you, but I’m feeling hurt by your words. Perhaps we can talk about this after both of us calm down.”

Affirming your spouse’s need for self-worth, love, and acceptance is healthy, but you must also be honest about your own hurt. Seek a solution, not a victory.

Father, you know that we are all capable of saying horrible things to each other. Please forgive me for the times when I have done that. When my spouse is verbally abusive to me, show me the right way to respond. Help me to commit to keeping my words above reproach.

Verbal Abuse