Will You Be My Friend?

Will You Be My Friend?

To find a friend one must close one eye. To keep him . . . two. —Norman Douglas

UNTIL WE ADOPTED Scott when Shauna was three, she was an only child. Although she never seemed to mind being the sole focus of our attention, she was always on the lookout for a playmate.

I would often take Shauna to the park in town to allow her to run off some of that boundless energy that little kids are born with. She’d no more hit the sand at the swing set when, without fail, she’d approach another little girl or boy and enthusiastically ask, “Do you want to be my friend?” As I watched her establish a bond with a total stranger standing in line at the slide, I marveled at the ease with which these children could connect.

We’re born wanting and needing a connection to others. But unlike children, we take our prejudices, past failures, hurts, expectations, and disappointments to the playground with us, making it difficult and sometimes impossible to establish or keep meaningful friendships.

I’ve noticed a deep yearning in our culture for something more than a passing acquaintance. First, I get a large number of e-mails from both men and women seeking connection. Also, I see churches and synagogues developing numerous programs to encourage the building of community among total strangers. Both signs tell me there’s an epidemic lurking out there. I’ve come to believe that loneliness may be something for us to fear much more than swine flu.

How can we volunteer at the school, belong to a book club, work in a large enterprise, attend weekly religious services, and live in a country of nearly 250 million adults and still feel alone?

In this chapter, I hope you’ll explore with me the challenges, frustrations, and expectations that keep us, not only from developing deep, lasting friendships, but from inviting new friends to join us on the playground.

If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? (1 John 4:20)

How wide is your circle? How deep is your love?