Getting a Do-Over - I Would Have Apologized Less (Part Deux)

Getting a Do-Over - I Would Have Apologized Less (Part Deux)

MAYBE YOU CAN relate to my youthful, dishonest self. My sentences, either in business, at the family dinner table, or with a group of friends, would frequently begin with “I’m sorry, but . . .” I wish I had used different phraseology.

The young me, apologizing for a situation another person had caused, would say, “I’m sorry that we can’t hit your deadline, but the information came in late.”

Why was I apologizing? This wasn’t something for me to regret. My business peer or customer was the one who failed. Today, I say something like: “Unfortunately, due to the missed deadlines last week, your proofs will arrive to you on Thursday rather than Monday.”

The young me often apologized for miscommunication: “I’m sorry I didn’t bring a cake, but I had no idea you expected me to provide dessert.”

I often apologized for other people’s lack of clarification. Communication is a 50/50 proposition; it’s not successful unless both parties know the other is clear on what he or she means. Today I say, “I guess we’ll save the calories tonight—I didn’t understand I was to bring a dessert!”

When I was younger, I regularly apologized for failing to meet someone’s expectations due to circumstances outside my control. I would say, “Honey, I’m so sorry that dinner isn’t ready yet, but both kids are coming down with something.”

Most people live in their “me-centric” world and have no idea what your world is like. Today I would explain, “We’re having takeout; the kids are barfing up their toenails and won’t be joining us. I’m turning them over to you while I soak in the tub.”

I once tolerated toxic people in my life who made me feel like I needed to apologize even for taking up space on this earth. I was constantly apologizing: “I’m so sorry I have disappointed you again, but I promise I’m trying to be the person you expect me to be.”

Girlfriends, you’re only supposed to be who God called you to be. No one has the right to berate you and make you feel unworthy. Today I would say with a smile, “That’s an interesting observation you lend. Perhaps I’ll take it into consideration at a later date.”

It took me several years to perfect this, but I think I’ve got it down now. I finally realized that 99 percent of the things I apologized for weren’t in my control or weren’t my fault. And, of course, I finally learned I should never apologize for who I am.

Bring all who claim me as their God, for I have made them for my glory.It was I who created them. (Isaiah 43:7)

Honesty can be kind. And unapologetic.