Crossroads - Another’s Child Or Empty Arms

Crossroads - Another’s Child or Empty Arms

THIS CROSSROADS experience does not belong to a friend but is another topic I have grappled with over the years. I was twenty-one years old when I fell in love with a short, fat, bald guy. He smiled sweetly at me from a two-by-three-inch photo, and I knew I had to have him.

Scott’s adoption was a private affair. His teenage mom had tried to keep him but found the stress and responsibility of caring for an infant to be more than she could handle at the tender age of fifteen. In her absence, Scott’s extended family determined that a private adoption to a loving family would provide him with the stability and love he deserved. And I was game.

Excited to add another little person to our family and provide a little brother for Shauna, I called my parents to share the incredible news with them. Knowing how much my dad loved children, I dialed him first, sure he would be thrilled. After I told him, Dad sat quietly on the other end of the phone. Finally, he spoke: “That child will break your heart.”

What did you say? My father told me, diplomatically, lovingly, but emphatically, that he thought I was making a huge mistake. He went on to explain his view of nurture versus nature and wanted to be sure I knew what I was signing up for. Shocked, miffed, and even a bit hurt, I told him I was going through with this adoption because this baby needed me.

When Scott was doing drugs and living on the streets, sometimes disappearing for years at a time, my friends asked me if I had known what was coming, would I have so eagerly taken on the child who did indeed break my heart. This question still surprises me.

Although a few of my friends have had a biological child completely destroy their peace, finances, and family tranquility, I’ve never thought to question if they regretted having that child.

If you’re planning either to bear your children or adopt them, I believe there are a few things you must prepare yourself to accept, in advance of the stork’s arrival. And one of those things is that all the nurture in the world can’t undo the hardwiring of Mother Nature.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. (Romans 8:15-16)

God adopted us, and in spite of our sinful nature, he hasn’t given us back.