Crossroads - Another’s Child or Empty Arms (Part Deux)

Crossroads - Another’s Child or Empty Arms (Part Deux)

MY IDEALISTIC HOPE for a perfect little family unit quickly unwound after Scott’s arrival. We knew before this little guy was talking that we were in for a ride. But my love for this cutie-pie, my can-fix-anything mother mentality, and my desire to hang with Scott no matter what never waned. Well, that’s not exactly true. When he ran away for the fourth time and disappeared from our lives for over three years, I have to admit that at times I didn’t think I could go on.

Children are a wonderful blessing, yet I urge you to become a parent with your eyes wide open. I offer you these few pieces of advice:

Accept that this child might be a stranger to you and your family. Despite our incredibly close ties, Steve, Shauna, and I laugh, along with Scott, at his uniqueness. He eats different foods. His interests and taste in music are different. He even walks at a different pace than that of the rest of the family. In many ways he is a stranger in his own land. To make it work, you have to embrace this child’s individuality, seeing him or her as a blessing to your otherwise “boring” family. Acceptance trumps conformity.

Know that there could be profound challenges with this child. Addictions. Learning difficulties. Anger. Not all kids are type-A overachievers. To make it work, you have to eagerly accept that your purpose may be providing counsel or care—for a lifetime. Commitment trumps condition.

Approach the adoption or addition to your family from a position of what you’re giving, not getting. Realizing the importance of this was a transformational moment for me. Once I remembered that I adopted this baby because he needed me (not the other way around), my love became much less conditional. My nurture trumped his nature.

Know that this child could add immense joy to your family with his or her quirks, personality, and sense of humor. As a toddler and young boy, Scott brought us joy through his enthusiasm, energy, and affectionate ways. He still does. Joy trumps pain.

Whether the birth certificate is signed at the hospital or the courthouse, raising babies ain’t easy. But this mom can tell you that, of all the things I’ve done, having Shauna and adopting Scott are the two things that have brought me the deepest sense of living in the middle of God’s will.

He will feed his flock like a shepherd.He will carry the lambs in his arms,holding them close to his heart.He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young. (Isaiah 40:11)

And even when it’s hard, God’s love trumps everything else.