Reset Your Affection - Loving (and Liking) Your Spouse for Life

“To the LORD your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it. Yet the LORD set his affection on your ancestors and loved them, and he chose you, their descendants, above all the nations – as it is today.” (Deuteronomy 10:14-15, NIV)

I remember when James and I were teaching a young marrieds class at church. We had been married about 10 years at the time. The couples in the class sat tightly together, with hardly any space between them. One husband was twirling his wife’s hair. When another husband answered a question, his wife gazed at him as if to say, “Isn’t he the smartest man in the whole wide world?”

James and I, the sage teachers, were sitting about two feet away from each other. Maybe we were the ones who should be getting taught by the newlyweds!

If we are not proactive, we can lose physical, emotional, and spiritual affection toward each other. In today’s verses, you read how God who made the heavens and earth set his affection on the Israelites for generations. How can we “set our affection” on our spouse, honoring God through the unity and love of our marriage?

Here are two easy ways to reset your affection today:

First, start with eye contact. Imagine what would happen if you looked at your spouse one-fifth as much as you looked at your phone. It would be a love revolution! Psalm 101:3 (ESV) says “I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless.” There are many distracting worthless things vying for your attention online. Don’t spend your precious date night checking texts or social media. Fix your gaze on your spouse instead.

Look at each other while you’re talking, whether you’re at home, running errands, or on a date. Occasionally, take a few extra seconds to stare at your spouse across the room and smile. Look into your spouse’s eyes and say, “I love you now and forever.” You can transition from roommates back into lovers in less than one minute.

Second, start holding hands. Maybe you already do this–kudos to you if that’s the case. The first time my husband James and I held hands was inside a planetarium on a date (how’s that for stellar?). But to be honest, now days could go by without me grabbing his hand or him grabbing mine.

When you hold hands, you are sending powerful messages like:

We’re on the same team.

I love and like you.

You’re not alone.

It’s such a simple and powerful physical reminder that we are loved and secure. The Bible is filled with references to the hand of God being with us like Isaiah 41:10 (NIV), “Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Remind your spouse of your love with your eye contact and by holding hands the next time you’re sitting together or walking down the street. The lack of affection in marriage leads to all sorts of problems, but there’s good news. Resetting your affection is easy.

Prayer:

Lord, we want to be closer together as husband and wife, and we need Your help. May we renew our love and affection for each other. Help me to give my spouse my undivided attention when we are together. We ask for Your will to be done in our physical affections. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.