Thanks For The Ice Cream - Loving (and Liking) Your Spouse for Life

“Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:15-18, NIV)

The year was 2009 and I had just signed my first book contract. I asked James, “Can you get two gallons of ice cream from the grocery store to celebrate? Please make one of them chocolate.”

He went to the store with our kids Ethan and Noelle (ages five and three) and returned with the celebratory dessert. The first gallon was Caramel Pecan Crunch. The second was Cookies and Cream. Okay, those are chocolate cookies, but didn’t I ask for chocolate ice cream?

I was mad! Wasn’t this dessert about my book contract and wasn’t my request humble and inexpensive? Did I mention I was pregnant? James scooped the ice cream and I just sat there, baffled and disappointed.

Ethan, noticing my silence said, “Mom, you say we should always be grateful for what we are served. You don’t look very grateful!”

That cracked the ice of my heart. I realized I did need to be grateful. Life isn’t perfect, but Scripture tells us to rejoice and give thanks in all circumstances. That includes when you don’t get your chocolate ice cream!

When you give thanks continually in your marriage, you will realize what you have instead of obsessing over what you don’t have.

Here are a few ways to stoke gratitude in your heart:

• Keep a gratitude journal. Write down one thing you appreciate about your spouse for the next four days. You collect what you inspect. As you look for good things in your spouse, you will find more and more of them.
• Compliment your spouse. Maybe it’s been a while since your spouse has heard any praise from you. Words of appreciation and recognition can melt ice caps in marriage. It’s the little things we can take for granted–packing a lunch, paying a bill, or taking time to look attractive. Who wouldn’t enjoy having someone who noticed and appreciated these things?

Beware of the spirit of entitlement that says, “I deserve better.” Self-pity is the road to nowhere. Instead of thinking “I have to be married to this person,” think “I get to be married to this person.”

Prayer:

Lord, help me to be slow to anger and quick to forgive and listen. Thank you for my spouse. May I see my spouse with the lens of gratitude today, not criticism. Transform my heart to be more like Yours. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.