Friendship Is 50/50…always!

“Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” (Philippians 2:6-7, NIV)

“For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.” (2 Corinthians 8:9, NIV)

Do you ever feel like you contribute more to your friendship than your friend does? Most of us believe we do! We’ve all heard the phrase: “it is better to give than to receive” and yes—it’s exhilarating to see a smile on someone’s face and to know you did something to make your friendship better. But when it comes to the economy of friendship, giving more than you receive feels terrible.

When you feel like you are in a one-sided friendship, it’s easy to believe the lie that your friend doesn’t care enough about you to contribute equal effort.

Maybe you make the effort to initiate time together, but she never sends the first text. Or perhaps you helped her move into her new home, but when it was your turn to move, she was too preoccupied with a work thing to reciprocate. Maybe she didn’t even follow up to see how the moving went! It can be tempting to give up on a perfectly good friendship because we’re tired of feeling like we are always the initiator. Shouldn’t the friendship be 50/50?

When we come into friendships expecting to get back exactly what we put in, we create an unsustainable relational dynamic. No friendship will ever completely balance the scales. We need to find a different way to measure trust in our friendship, one outside of who is giving the most.

When we look at our friendship with God, we see disparity in who gives more to the relationship. God is merciful, compassionate, sufficient, generous…always! He delivers us from our sin repeatedly as we stumble along, and He never severs the relationship when we fall short. We are the ones who forget God, reject Him, and demand He meet our every need.

And yet God is never stingy with His love and care for us. We receive this gift and then what do we do with it? Do we love our friends generously? God calls us to charitable love, but we’re tempted to be miserly toward our friends when we believe they’re taking us for granted.

But God’s economy shows that sacrificing for others is a priceless act of love. We consider others above ourselves not because it’s the fair thing to do but because we are to emulate Jesus who “did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking on the form of a servant.” God is the one that gives us contentment in our friendships and the energy to pour into them. What we put into it, we will see the fruit.

You will find yourself in seasons where you have more to give—more time, more hope, more prayer, more money. And other times, you will find yourself in need of your friend’s generous love. We don’t have to judge the value of our friendships based on a scale. Instead, when we focus on giving our life away, we find that life is given back.

Prayer:

Lord, you are good and kind to me. The economy of friendship in your Kingdom is different than what I see here in the world. Help me to hold a vision for serving others above myself. May I stop comparing and start finding the good that comes from all the effort I put into my friendships. May you ultimately sustain me, Lord. Amen.