Question 1

What causes quarrels?

Accepted Answer

Galatians 5:19-20When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division,James 4:1-3What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.Quarrels often happen between people who have sinful desires.Proverbs 13:10Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.Proverbs 28:25Greed causes fighting; trusting the Lord leads to prosperity.Proverbs 30:33As the beating of cream yields butter and striking the nose causes bleeding, so stirring up anger causes quarrels.James 3:16Wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.Quarrels are often caused by pride, greed, anger, jealousy, and selfish ambition.Proverbs 6:12-14What are worthless and wicked people like? They are constant liars, signaling their deceit with a wink of the eye, a nudge of the foot, or the wiggle of fingers. Their perverted hearts plot evil, and they constantly stir up trouble.Proverbs 17:19Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin; anyone who trusts in high walls invites disaster.Galatians 5:19-21When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.Quarrels are often caused by wicked people, those determined to remain in their sin and cause division in the community of believers.1 Timothy 1:4Don’t let them [the believers] waste their time in endless discussion of myths and spiritual pedigrees. These things only lead to meaningless speculations, which don’t help people live a life of faith in God.2 Timothy 2:14Remind everyone about these things, and command them in God’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin those who hear them.Titus 3:9Do not get involved in foolish discussions about spiritual pedigrees or in quarrels and fights about obedience to Jewish laws. These things are useless and a waste of time.Quarreling can be caused by trivial and unprofitable discussions.

Question 2

How can quarreling harm to relationships?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 16:5Then Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The Lord will show who’s wrong—you or me!”Proverbs 10:12Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses.Proverbs 13:10Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.Proverbs 22:10Throw out the mocker, and fighting goes, too. Quarrels and insults will disappear.Proverbs 26:20-21Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops. A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers light charcoal or fire lights wood.Proverbs 30:33As the beating of cream yields butter and striking the nose causes bleeding, so stirring up anger causes quarrels.1 Corinthians 3:3-4You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other. Doesn’t that prove you are controlled by your sinful nature? Aren’t you living like people of the world? When one of you says, “I am a follower of Paul,” and another says, “I follow Apollos,” aren’t you acting just like people of the world?James 4:2You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.Quarreling is often a symptom of relational problems, such as hatred, anger, jealousy, pride, immaturity, gossip, and ridicule. If those issues are unresolved, the relationships affected will be harmed irreparably.Proverbs 17:1Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting—and conflict.Proverbs 19:13A foolish child is a calamity to a father; a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping.Proverbs 21:19It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.Proverbs 25:24It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.Proverbs 27:15A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.Mark 3:24“A kingdom divided by civil war will collapse.”John 17:21“I [Jesus] pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.”Acts 15:37-40Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus. Paul chose Silas, and as he left, the believers entrusted him to the Lord’s gracious care.Galatians 5:15If you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.2 Timothy 2:14Remind everyone about these things, and command them in God’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin those who hear them.2 Timothy 2:16-17Avoid worthless, foolish talk that only leads to more godless behavior. This kind of talk spreads like cancer, as in the case of Hymenaeus and Philetus.Quarreling can lead to ungodliness, loss of unity, destruction of community, unpleasant companionship, separation, and estrangement. Quickly solving and avoiding quarrels will help prevent these other problems.

Question 3

How can I avoid quarreling?

Accepted Answer

Romans 12:18Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.Romans 14:19So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.Romans 15:5May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus.1 Corinthians 1:10I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.2 Corinthians 13:11Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you.Ephesians 4:3Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.Philippians 2:2-4Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.Colossians 3:13-15Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.1 Thessalonians 5:13Show them [your leaders] great respect and wholehearted love because of their work. And live peacefully with each other.1 Peter 3:8Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.We can avoid quarreling by aiming for harmony and making peace a priority in our relationships.Proverbs 15:1A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.Proverbs 17:27A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.Proverbs 25:15Patience can persuade a prince, and soft speech can break bones.2 Timothy 2:24-25A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.We can avoid quarrelling by being gentle, humble, kind, patient, and even-tempered. Our words should be few and well-chosen.Romans 14:1Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong.We can avoid quarrelling by accepting others, even when we don’t agree with them.Proverbs 17:14Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out.Proverbs 20:3Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.We can avoid quarrelling by being sensitive to mounting tensions and, then, addressing issues before they escalate.Philippians 2:14-15Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.1 Timothy 1:4Don’t let them [the believers] waste their time in endless discussion of myths and spiritual pedigrees. These things only lead to meaningless speculations, which don’t help people live a life of faith in God.2 Timothy 2:14Remind everyone about these things, and command them in God’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin those who hear them.2 Timothy 2:23Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights.Titus 3:9Do not get involved in foolish discussions about spiritual pedigrees or in quarrels and fights about obedience to Jewish laws. These things are useless and a waste of time.We can avoid quarrelling by choosing positive and important topics of conversation.Proverbs 22:10Throw out the mocker, and fighting goes, too. Quarrels and insults will disappear.Proverbs 26:20Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.Proverbs 26:21A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers light charcoal or fire lights wood.Romans 16:17Now I make one more appeal, my dear brothers and sisters. Watch out for people who cause divisions and upset people’s faith by teaching things contrary to what you have been taught. Stay away from them.Titus 3:10If people are causing divisions among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing more to do with them.We can avoid quarrelling by choosing wisely the people with whom we spend our time.

Question 4

How can I help stop quarrels?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 1:10I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.We can help stop quarrels by appealing to unity.Genesis 26:17-22So Isaac moved away to the Gerar Valley, where he set up their tents and settled down. He reopened the wells his father had dug, which the Philistines had filled in after Abraham’s death. Isaac also restored the names Abraham had given them. Isaac’s servants also dug in the Gerar Valley and discovered a well of fresh water. But then the shepherds from Gerar came and claimed the spring. “This is our water,” they said, and they argued over it with Isaac’s herdsmen. So Isaac named the well Esek (which means “argument”). Isaac’s men then dug another well, but again there was a dispute over it. So Isaac named it Sitnah (which means “hostility”). Abandoning that one, Isaac moved on and dug another well. This time there was no dispute over it, so Isaac named the place Rehoboth (which means “open space”), for he said, “At last the Lord has created enough space for us to prosper in this land.”We can help stop quarrels by pursuing peace in our relationships.Matthew 5:25“When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison.”We can help stop quarrels by making conflict resolution a priority.Proverbs 15:1A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.Proverbs 15:18A hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them.We can help stop quarrels by remaining calm during verbal disagreements.Genesis 13:7-9So disputes broke out between the herdsmen of Abram and Lot. (At that time Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land.) Finally Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not allow this conflict to come between us or our herdsmen. After all, we are close relatives! The whole countryside is open to you. Take your choice of any section of the land you want, and we will separate. If you want the land to the left, then I’ll take the land on the right. If you prefer the land on the right, then I’ll go to the left.”We can help stop quarrels by humbly working toward an unselfish solution.Numbers 12:1-2While they were at Hazeroth, Miriam and Aaron criticized Moses because he had married a Cushite woman. They said, “Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? Hasn’t he spoken through us, too?” But the Lord heard them.We can help stop quarrels by refusing to bring peripheral issues into the conflict and proposed resolution.Colossians 3:13Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.We can help stop quarrels by making allowances for others’ personalities and opinions and being quick to forgive.1 Corinthians 6:7Even to have such lawsuits with one another is a defeat for you. Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated?Sometimes we can help stop quarrels by accepting injustice and moving forward.Acts 15:36-41After some time Paul said to Barnabas, “Let’s go back and visit each city where we previously preached the word of the Lord, to see how the new believers are doing.” Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus. Paul chose Silas, and as he left, the believers entrusted him to the Lord’s gracious care. Then he traveled throughout Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches there.Although we may not always be able to come to a full agreement on an issue, we can stop quarrels by continuing to serve the Lord, realizing that God can use even our disagreements for his good.