Why does it often feel “lonely at the top”?

Numbers 11:14“I [Moses] can’t carry all these people by myself! The load is far too heavy!”

Psalm 25:16Turn to me [David] and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress.

It is often lonely at the top because only the leader understands the full burden of the organization, the cares of the people, and the demands of the “big picture.” Leaders feel ultimately responsible for the care of the people and the success of the project. They also often take the most criticism, undeserved or otherwise.

Acts 15:37-39Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus.

Matthew 26:40Then he [Jesus] returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour?

Leaders are sometimes lonely because they wonder whom they can trust. They need friends and allies they can be candid with and whom they can trust to complete assigned tasks. They need allies who will stand with them in lonely times.

Genesis 12:1The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you.”

Acts 22:18-21“I saw a vision of Jesus saying to me, ‘Hurry! Leave Jerusalem, for the people here won’t accept your testimony about me.’ ‘But Lord,’ I argued, ‘they certainly know that in every synagogue I imprisoned and beat those who believed in you. And I was in complete agreement when your witness Stephen was killed. I stood by and kept the coats they took off when they stoned him.’ But the Lord said to me, ‘Go, for I will send you far away to the Gentiles!’”

Sometimes, leaders are called to unfamiliar places and people, which can be very lonely.

Proverbs 13:24Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.

2 Corinthians 7:8-9I am not sorry that I sent that severe letter to you, though I was sorry at first, for I know it was painful to you for a little while. Now I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways.

A parent of a young child doesn’t have a peer relationship with that child. While the relationship may be loving and healthy, there are times when the parent must discipline the child because of the parent’s position of responsibility. During such times, the child may not fully understand the discipline and become angry at the parent. Leaders of all kinds—not just parents—often have a difficult time balancing their desire to be liked with the need to discipline their followers. This responsibility often creates distance and loneliness in those relationships.

Genesis 37:28When the Ishmaelites, who were Midianite traders, came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.

Acts 7:29-30When Moses heard that, he fled the country and lived as a foreigner in the land of Midian. There his two sons were born. Forty years later, in the desert near Mount Sinai, an angel appeared to Moses in the flame of a burning bush.

1 Kings 19:3-10Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day.

Matthew 14:1-2Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted there by the devil. For forty days and forty nights he fasted and became very hungry.

James 1:2-4When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Many believers have gone through periods of loneliness and suffering. God often uses those times to shape leaders for the task he is calling them to.

Exodus 4:13-15Moses again pleaded, “Lord, please! Send anyone else.” Then the Lord became angry with Moses. “All right,” he said. “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he speaks well. And look! He is on his way to meet you now. He will be delighted to see you. Talk to him, and put the words in his mouth. I will be with both of you as you speak, and I will instruct you both in what to do.”

Exodus 18:17-22“This is not good!” Moses’ father-in-law exclaimed. “You’re going to wear yourself out—and the people, too. This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself. Now listen to me, and let me give you a word of advice, and may God be with you. You should continue to be the people’s representative before God, bringing their disputes to him. Teach them God’s decrees, and give them his instructions. Show them how to conduct their lives. But select from all the people some capable, honest men who fear God and hate bribes. . . . Let the leaders decide the smaller matters themselves. They will help you carry the load, making the task easier for you.”

Luke 6:12-13One day soon afterward Jesus went up on a mountain to pray, and he prayed to God all night. At daybreak he called together all of his disciples and chose twelve of them to be apostles.

Acts 9:26-27When Saul arrived in Jerusalem, he tried to meet with the believers, but they were all afraid of him. They did not believe he had truly become a believer! Then Barnabas brought him to the apostles and told them how Saul had seen the Lord on the way to Damascus and how the Lord had spoken to Saul. He also told them that Saul had preached boldly in the name of Jesus in Damascus.

Sometimes, a leader is afraid or overwhelmed. Other times, a leader might lack the experience or connections to accomplish the task alone. Even Jesus, a perfect leader, chose twelve apostles to help him in his work and to continue it after he was gone. It is healthy and good for leaders to seek the help of others. Don’t be discouraged from praying persistently for God to send the right helpers your way, and don’t be afraid to approach people and ask.