Why does God allow loneliness?

Genesis 2:18-20Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

God did not intend for us to be lonely. On the contrary, it was God who recognized Adam’s need for companionship. He gave Adam the task of naming the animals so that Adam could recognize his own need for a human companion. It was then that God created the woman.

Ruth 1:8-9Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back to your mothers’ homes. And may the Lord reward you for your kindness to your husbands and to me. May the Lord bless you with the security of another marriage.” Then she kissed them good-bye, and they all broke down and wept.

1 Samuel 20:41David bowed three times to Jonathan with his face to the ground. Both of them were in tears as they embraced each other and said good-bye, especially David.

Proverbs 16:28A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.

Acts 15:38-39Paul disagreed strongly [with Barnabas], since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated.

1 Thessalonians 2:17Dear brothers and sisters, after we were separated from you for a little while (though our hearts never left you), we tried very hard to come back because of our intense longing to see you again.

We live in a fallen world, where we will often be separated from friends and family for various reasons. Sometimes, we have to say goodbye when a friend moves away. Sometimes, different values and life experiences cause us to drift apart. Sometimes, we are lonely because we have hurt those we care about, and they have left us. Sometimes, our friends stop being our friends for reasons we don’t understand. God doesn’t want us to be lonely, but he allows people’s actions in this life to take their natural course. In each of these circumstances, he promises to comfort and guide us through them.

Romans 5:12When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.

John 11:32-37When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept. The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!” But some said, “This man healed a blind man. Couldn’t he have kept Lazarus from dying?”

Revelation 21:4“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

Because of sin, death came into the world. All of us experience the death of someone we love at some point in our lives, and the separation it brings can leave us feeling lost and powerless. God hates sin and death. Jesus experienced the pain of a close friend’s death, and even though he knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead, he was moved to tears with sadness for Lazarus and his sisters. Though our loved ones may not be raised as quickly as Lazarus, that miracle was only a small reminder of God’s power over death. When Jesus returns, he will raise all the dead to life, and all who believe in him will spend eternity together with him. On that day, death itself will die, and we will never be lonely again.

1 Kings 19:4-18Then he [Elijah] went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.” . . . But the Lord said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.” Then the Lord told him, “. . . anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from the town of Abel-meholah to replace you as my prophet. . . . I will preserve 7,000 others in Israel who have never bowed down to Baal or kissed him!”

Romans 8:38-39I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The prophet Elijah went through a time of despair, loneliness, and suicidal thoughts. Queen Jezebel had killed many of Elijah’s friends and fellow prophets, and now, hiding alone in the wilderness, Elijah felt like he was the only follower of God left in Israel. God responded by comforting Elijah with food and rest (1 Kgs 19:5-8), then encouraged Elijah that he was not alone. There were 7,000 other Israelites still serving God faithfully, and God would lead Elijah to a helper—Elisha—to carry on his prophetic work. When we are lonely and discouraged, we should turn to God as Elijah did. God is always at work behind the scenes, preparing the right people for when we need them most.

Matthew 7:9-11“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.”

Luke 18:1One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.

James 1:2-4When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

1 John 5:14-15We are confident that he [God] hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.

God delights in giving good gifts to his children—and he longs for us to live in loving relationships with one another. We should never give up praying for the relationships we long for. However, God sees a larger picture that we do not. Our time of loneliness may be a time when he leads us to grow closer to him. It may be a time when he teaches us how to be a better friend and truly value the relationships we have. It may even be a time when he prepares us to minister to others who are lonely (2 Corinthians 1:4). Regardless of when God answers our prayer, we can keep praying, listen for his leading, and be confident he has our best interests at heart.

Matthew 28:20“Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

John 15:15“I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.”

Hebrews 13:5God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”

Sometimes, God allows us to experience times of loneliness so we will learn to lean on him fully and completely. God has promised he will always be there for us. He calls us his friends. Nothing can separate us from him. When others disappoint us, we can cling to him.

Matthew 4:1-2Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted there by the devil. For forty days and forty nights he fasted and became very hungry.

1 Corinthians 10:13The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

Hebrews 4:14-16Since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Times of loneliness are often times of testing. Temptation often comes when we are longing for human attention or lack friends to keep us accountable. Our Savior understands that temptation. Even when we lack human help, Jesus is always there when we need him most.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

There will always be lonely people in the world: the elderly widower whose wife died years ago; the new kid at school; the college dropout estranged from his family; the woman whose social life is limited by her chronic sickness; the immigrant who is struggling to learn English. Sometimes God allows us to experience times of great loneliness so that our compassion and understanding toward others can grow. Then, not only will we receive his comfort, but we will be strengthened to bring this same comfort to others.