As a victim of incest, how can I ever hope to recover from my anger and shame?

Psalm 18:21-24, 26I have kept the ways of the Lord; I have not turned from my God to follow evil. I have followed all his regulations; I have never abandoned his decrees. I am blameless before God; I have kept myself from sin. The Lord rewarded me for doing right. He has seen my innocence. . . . To the pure you show yourself pure, but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.

Though victims have done nothing wrong, they still can feel deep guilt and shame for what has happened. We must remember that God is not hostile or angry toward incest victims. His heart breaks for the pain and shame that they carry. And God always draws near the wounded to offer his healing presence.

2 Samuel 13:11-20As she [Tamar] was feeding him, he [Amnon] grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.” “No, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me.” But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. “Get out of here!” he snarled at her. “No, no!” Tamar cried. “Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done to me.” But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her. He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!” . . . And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying. Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t you worry about it.” So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.

Psalm 22:24He [the Lord] has not ignored or belittled the suffering of the needy. He has not turned his back on them, but has listened to their cries for help.

Psalm 34:18The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Psalm 147:3He [the Lord] heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

2 Corinthians 1:3All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.

Understandably, incest victims may feel angry, betrayed, ashamed, hurt, vengeful, brokenhearted, desolate, and violated. And they may be angry at God for not stopping it. We all struggle to understand why God prevents some acts of violence and not others. But we do know that God detests all acts of violence and longs to bring us emotional and physical healing. Ultimately, if we run to him for help, we will find complete healing for eternity.

Psalm 119:9How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word.

John 17:17“Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth.”

Philippians 4:8Now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

To overcome any sin done against us, we should study God’s Word to find his promises of help and hope. Scripture reveals the heart and mind of God.

Job 17:9“The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.”

Romans 15:16I am a special messenger from Christ Jesus to you Gentiles. I bring you the Good News so that I might present you as an acceptable offering to God, made holy by the Holy Spirit.

1 Corinthians 1:30God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin.

We are pure and holy because of the work of Christ Jesus on our behalf. He does not see us as violated, but as whole.