What are some ways to prevent divorce?

Ephesians 5:24-25, 28As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. . . . In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

1 Thessalonians 5:11So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

Couples who love each other with the kind of love Christ showed when he died for us, who seek to please one another, who encourage each other and build up one another are the couples who will likely remain together in a happy marriage. The format is simple, but the fulfillment takes some doing! Don’t let anyone convince you that love should be easy. Sin is easy; love is hard work because it requires us to think about others more than ourselves. But loving and serving others always brings far greater rewards than just living for ourselves.

Proverbs 15:1A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

Proverbs 18:13Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.

Colossians 3:19Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.

James 1:19Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.

If love and respect are the foundations of the marriage relationship, communication is the mortar that holds it together. Often, communication breaks down at the receiving end. Lack of listening often comes from anger, impatience, or pride—attitudes and emotions that can bounce from person to person in a growing spiral. Make a conscious decision to break that cycle by truly listening. True listening is more than being quiet and planning a counterargument; true listening requires empathy. It’s taking a step back from your emotions and actively trying to understand the other person’s feelings. It’s validating their concerns and considering how to address them. Without that kind of listening, it is impossible to fully love or communicate in a healthy way.

1 Peter 3:8-9Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.

Punishing a spouse for behaviors you don’t like may seem to reduce those behaviors, but it will only increase the division between you. Instead of attacking the symptoms, heal the source by treating your spouse with love and respect.

1 Corinthians 7:5Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

Sex is meant to be a bonding experience between a husband and wife. Withholding it from your spouse is one of the worst ways of punishing your spouse. It not only removes that bonding experience, but it leaves you both open to sexual temptation. With that said, the opposite response—demanding sex—is also a problem. It risks reducing your spouse to a pleasure you demand rather than a person you love. Love is patient; it does not insist on its own way. If the intimacy in your marriage is struggling, don’t try to force your will on the situation—take the time to talk about it. Reaffirm your love and desire to understand one another. There may be problems beneath the surface, but if they are brought to light, those problems can be more easily addressed.

Ephesians 4:2-3Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

Colossians 3:13Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

When you live with someone for a long time, you will inevitably find habits and mannerisms that annoy you. Some may be small points of preference, such as different tastes in food. Others may be a contrast of personality, such as one person enjoying large social events and the other preferring quiet time one-on-one. Still others may be weaknesses of character, such as a tendency toward laziness or a sharp tongue. Scripture encourages us to “make allowance” for others—even for their faults—out of love and a desire to live at peace with them.

Matthew 7:3-5“Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

Matthew 18:15“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”

Galatians 6:1-2Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

While many issues can be smoothed over by making allowance for each other’s faults, that doesn’t mean spouses should avoid conflict. Allowing problematic behavior and resentment to fester beneath the surface will only let it grow. However, the way we address such conflicts can make a drastic difference in whether we experience resolution and peace. Scripture calls for such communication to be motivated by love for the other person—not a desire to be right or to drown them in guilt.

Matthew 6:21“Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”

Many idols can slip into our lives and cause us to neglect our relationship with God. Often, those idols can harm our relationships with others as well—including our spouse. An idol might be something evil and destructive, such as pornography or the love of money. Or an idol might be something innocent that has been made too high a priority, such as a hobby that fills our schedule. It may even be something good that has overstepped its bounds, such as a job with increasing responsibilities. Consider what you are treasuring during this season of your life and which treasures you may need to step away from to find more time for God and your spouse.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

Ephesians 5:21-29Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. . . . For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. . . . husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.

1 Peter 3:1-2, 7In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. . . . In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

1 Peter 4:8Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

The most fundamental part of a healthy marriage relationship is mutual love and respect. Christians sometimes differ on their ideas about how love and respect should be shown, but Scripture makes it clear that mutual love and respect is not debatable. A marriage without love and respect lacks the qualities required of all successful relationships.

Proverbs 12:26The godly give good advice to their friends.

Proverbs 19:20Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.

A godly Christian marriage counselor can be an excellent resource for helping you and your spouse revitalize your marriage.