How can I ever forgive someone who has hurt me so deeply?
Matthew 5:44“But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!”
Romans 12:17-18Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
Colossians 3:13Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
1 Peter 3:8-9Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.
If we are striving to be more and more like Jesus, we must do what he would do, and he would forgive. This may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do because you will still have to live daily with the hurtful consequences of what happened. Forgiveness is not easy, but necessary in order for you to move on. It also demonstrates that love, not bitterness or hatred, rules your heart. Give your hurt and anger to God, and ask him to help you leave it at his feet so that you might experience his freedom.
1 Samuel 26:8“God has surely handed your enemy over to you this time!” Abishai whispered to David. “Let me pin him to the ground with one thrust of the spear; I won’t need to strike twice!” “No!” David said. “Don’t kill him.” . . . Saul recognized David’s voice and called out, “Is that you, my son David?” And David replied, “Yes, my lord the king. Why are you chasing me? What have I done? What is my crime? . . .” Then Saul confessed, “I have sinned. Come back home, my son, and I will no longer try to harm you, for you valued my life today. I have been a fool and very, very wrong.” “Here is your spear, O king,” David replied. “Let one of your young men come over and get it. The Lord gives his own reward for doing good and for being loyal, and I refused to kill you even when the Lord placed you in my power, for you are the Lord’s anointed one. Now may the Lord value my life, even as I have valued yours today. May he rescue me from all my troubles.” And Saul said to David, “Blessings on you, my son David. You will do many heroic deeds, and you will surely succeed.” Then David went away, and Saul returned home.
Matthew 7:15“Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves.”
Matthew 10:16“Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.”
Jude 1:23Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives.
For years, David lived life on the run from a paranoid and power-hungry King Saul. But when David was given an opportunity to kill his enemy, David refused. In fact, he did what he could to make amends with Saul—to make it clear that David did not wish to be his enemy. Saul was grateful, even remorseful, and the two parted on good terms. But David did not accept Saul’s offer to come back home. David recognized that Saul was an unstable and jealous man, and while David forgave him, he did not trust Saul to stay true to his promise not to harm David. So David went back into hiding. In the same way, Jesus told his followers to be as “shrewd as snakes and as harmless as doves.” If someone is violent, manipulative, or abusive, it is completely appropriate to forgive without reconciling—to release our anger and bitterness without offering that person the same trust they once held.
Matthew 18:21-22Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone* who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!”
Philippians 1:6I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Hebrews 10:10God’s will was for us to be made holy by the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ, once for all time.
2 Peter 1:5-8In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone. The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Salvation comes in a moment—a moment when our heart is changed and we embrace God’s free gift. But even though we are freed from the guilt of sin, there is still sin in our lives, and it takes the Holy Spirit’s work (and our partnership with him) to uproot that sin. Where salvation is instant and permanent, sanctification is an ongoing, life-long process. In a similar way, forgiveness comes in two stages—the moment when we chose to forgive someone and the ongoing struggle to live out that forgiveness. There will be moments when we stumble, when we feel old bitterness and anger rise. Still, that firm decision to forgive provides the foundation for us to consciously reaffirm that choice day after day, even when it is hard, and even when we are still living in the consequences of that person’s behavior. In time, through God’s grace, our forgiveness will grow to be more like Christ’s.
