What are some ways to prevent or resolve conflict?

Matthew 18:15-17“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”

Resolving conflict, especially among believers in the church, should be done thoughtfully and carefully. Jesus outlined a three-step process for confronting major conflicts among believers. First, if you have a conflict with another believer, you should go to the other person and try to resolve the conflict privately. If that doesn’t work, you go back to the person, taking one or two other people with you to be witnesses to the conversation. If that still doesn’t resolve the conflict, you can bring it to the church.

Genesis 13:7-9Disputes broke out between the herdsmen of Abram and Lot. . . . Finally Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not allow this conflict to come between us or our herdsmen. After all, we are close relatives! The whole countryside is open to you. Take your choice of any section of the land you want, and we will separate. If you want the land to the left, then I’ll take the land on the right. If you prefer the land on the right, then I’ll go to the left.”

Resolving conflict takes initiative; someone must make the first move. Abram gave Lot first choice, putting family peace above personal desires.

Genesis 26:21-22Isaac’s men then dug another well, but again there was a dispute over it. . . . Abandoning that one, Isaac moved on and dug another well. This time there was no dispute over it, . . . he said, “At last the Lord has created enough space for us to prosper in this land.”

Resolving conflict takes humility, persistence, and a preference for peace over personal victory. Isaac kept running into disputes with his neighbors over wells. Each time, he calmly moved on to another location instead of fighting. This kept his own people safe and made for better long-term relationships with those around him.

1 Corinthians 6:7Even to have such lawsuits with one another is a defeat for you. Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated?

Resolving conflict might mean giving up your rights in order to maintain peace.

2 Samuel 3:1That was the beginning of a long war between those who were loyal to Saul and those loyal to David. As time passed David became stronger and stronger, while Saul’s dynasty became weaker and weaker.

Sometimes no compromise can be reached. Resolving conflict involves compromise, finding common ground that is bigger than your differences. If neither side is willing to take the initiative or show the necessary humility to seek common ground, conflict will result in a broken friendship, divorce, or even war.

John 17:21“I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you.”

Resolving conflict will require praying for peace and unity with others because you are seeking the help of the great Peacemaker.

Acts 15:36-39After some time Paul said to Barnabas, “Let’s go back and visit each city where we previously preached the word of the Lord, to see how the new believers are doing.” Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus.

Sometimes differences of opinion are so strong that no resolution seems possible, and resolving the conflict requires a parting of ways. But even in these cases, you can pray that God will bring good out of a painful experience.

Ephesians 4:25-27, 31-32So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. . . . Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Resolving conflict is difficult because you feel so strongly about something, and the other person (or people) feels differently. This happens in the home, among neighbors, in churches, in workplaces—basically everywhere. As a believer, do your best to be truthful, to resolve conflict as soon as possible (so it doesn’t simmer and begin to boil), and to aim for kindness, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Most conflicts can be resolved positively when these guidelines are applied.

2 Timothy 2:24-25A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.

When someone disagrees with what you are saying, maintain a gracious, gentle, and patient attitude instead of becoming angry and defensive. Even if the conflict continues unresolved, you will should remain Christlike throughout.