Question 1

What causes conflict?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 13:10Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.Proverbs 28:25Greed causes fighting; trusting the Lord leads to prosperity.Proverbs 30:33As the beating of cream yields butter and striking the nose causes bleeding, so stirring up anger causes quarrels.James 4:1What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?There are many reasons for how a conflict starts, but pride, greed, and anger are among the root causes more often than not. Our sinful human nature sows the seeds of most conflict.2 Samuel 15:6, 12Absalom . . . stole the hearts of all the people of Israel. . . . and the conspiracy gained momentum.James 4:2You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them.Conflict often begins when you aren’t getting what you want so you confront someone to try to get it. You want someone’s behavior to be different, you want your way on some issue, you want to win, you want some possession, you want someone’s loyalty. The list can go on and on. When the other person isn’t willing to give you what you want, you find yourself in conflict, which on a national or international scale can sometimes lead to open warfare.Acts 15:37-39Barnabas . . . wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly. . . . Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated.Conflict begins when two opposing viewpoints are not willing to find common ground.Esther 3:5-6When Haman saw that Mordecai would not bow down or show him respect, he was filled with rage. He had learned of Mordecai’s nationality, so he decided it was not enough to lay hands on Mordecai alone. Instead, he looked for a way to destroy all the Jews throughout the entire empire of Xerxes.Conflict begins when your pride is hurt and you begin to plot your revenge.Romans 7:18-19I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.Conflict begins when good confronts evil. The two cannot peacefully co-exist, so a battle begins.Romans 7:22-23I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.Those who follow Christ experience conflict within themselves between the old sinful nature and the new spiritual nature.Matthew 23:23-24“What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens, but you ignore the more important aspects of the law—justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but do not neglect the more important things. Blind guides! You strain your water so you won’t accidentally swallow a gnat, but you swallow a camel!”There are times when you must not ignore certain situations and must actually initiate conflict in order to speak for truth and justice. Jesus confronted the Pharisees not only for their hypocritical behavior, but also because of their destructive influence as teachers and leaders.

Question 2

I believe in Jesus, so why do I still face conflict in my life?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 27:1-3The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? When evil people come to devour me, when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident.Because this is a fallen world filled with broken people, you will find yourself in many types of conflict. Focus not on the dark forces that attack you but on the Lord who defends you.Psalm 55:18He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me, though many still oppose me.While God doesn’t keep you out of all conflict, he is present with you in it.Matthew 10:34, 37-38[Jesus said,] “Don’t imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword. . . . If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine.”Your commitment to Christ above all will sometimes be a point of conflict, just as Jesus told his first followers. There are some things you will not be able to compromise on for loved ones, and there are times the conflict will be internal as you “take up your cross,” against your own desires and preferences, in order to obey Jesus.

Question 3

Should Christians go to court against other believers?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 6:1-8When one of you has a dispute with another believer, how dare you file a lawsuit and ask a secular court to decide the matter instead of taking it to other believers! Don’t you realize that someday we believers will judge the world? . . . you should surely be able to resolve ordinary disputes in this life. . . . Isn’t there anyone in all the church who is wise enough to decide these issues? But instead, one believer sues another—right in front of unbelievers! Even to have such lawsuits with one another is a defeat for you. Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated? Instead, you yourselves are the ones who do wrong and cheat even your fellow believers.The Bible says that lawsuits among Christians are to be avoided. Instead, believers are to try to resolve dispute internally among other believers in the church (Matt 18:15-17).

Question 4

How do I keep conflict to a minimum?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 17:27A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.Be careful with your words. Words can be used as tools to build or weapons to destroy—choose them carefully.Proverbs 26:17Interfering in someone else’s argument is as foolish as yanking a dog’s ears.It is sometimes tempting to step into someone else’s argument to help “solve it,” but doing so often only makes it worse.Matthew 5:23-24“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”Don’t “bury” or deny conflict, but rather take immediate steps to resolve it.Romans 12:18Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.Ephesians 4:3Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.Work actively to be at peace with others. The more you are at peace with God, the more you will be at peace in your relationships.

Question 5

What are some ways to prevent or resolve conflict?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 18:15-17“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”Resolving conflict, especially among believers in the church, should be done thoughtfully and carefully. Jesus outlined a three-step process for confronting major conflicts among believers. First, if you have a conflict with another believer, you should go to the other person and try to resolve the conflict privately. If that doesn’t work, you go back to the person, taking one or two other people with you to be witnesses to the conversation. If that still doesn’t resolve the conflict, you can bring it to the church.Genesis 13:7-9Disputes broke out between the herdsmen of Abram and Lot. . . . Finally Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not allow this conflict to come between us or our herdsmen. After all, we are close relatives! The whole countryside is open to you. Take your choice of any section of the land you want, and we will separate. If you want the land to the left, then I’ll take the land on the right. If you prefer the land on the right, then I’ll go to the left.”Resolving conflict takes initiative; someone must make the first move. Abram gave Lot first choice, putting family peace above personal desires.Genesis 26:21-22Isaac’s men then dug another well, but again there was a dispute over it. . . . Abandoning that one, Isaac moved on and dug another well. This time there was no dispute over it, . . . he said, “At last the Lord has created enough space for us to prosper in this land.”Resolving conflict takes humility, persistence, and a preference for peace over personal victory. Isaac kept running into disputes with his neighbors over wells. Each time, he calmly moved on to another location instead of fighting. This kept his own people safe and made for better long-term relationships with those around him.1 Corinthians 6:7Even to have such lawsuits with one another is a defeat for you. Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated?Resolving conflict might mean giving up your rights in order to maintain peace.2 Samuel 3:1That was the beginning of a long war between those who were loyal to Saul and those loyal to David. As time passed David became stronger and stronger, while Saul’s dynasty became weaker and weaker.Sometimes no compromise can be reached. Resolving conflict involves compromise, finding common ground that is bigger than your differences. If neither side is willing to take the initiative or show the necessary humility to seek common ground, conflict will result in a broken friendship, divorce, or even war.John 17:21“I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you.”Resolving conflict will require praying for peace and unity with others because you are seeking the help of the great Peacemaker.Acts 15:36-39After some time Paul said to Barnabas, “Let’s go back and visit each city where we previously preached the word of the Lord, to see how the new believers are doing.” Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus.Sometimes differences of opinion are so strong that no resolution seems possible, and resolving the conflict requires a parting of ways. But even in these cases, you can pray that God will bring good out of a painful experience.Ephesians 4:25-27, 31-32So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. . . . Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.Resolving conflict is difficult because you feel so strongly about something, and the other person (or people) feels differently. This happens in the home, among neighbors, in churches, in workplaces—basically everywhere. As a believer, do your best to be truthful, to resolve conflict as soon as possible (so it doesn’t simmer and begin to boil), and to aim for kindness, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Most conflicts can be resolved positively when these guidelines are applied.2 Timothy 2:24-25A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.When someone disagrees with what you are saying, maintain a gracious, gentle, and patient attitude instead of becoming angry and defensive. Even if the conflict continues unresolved, you will should remain Christlike throughout.

Question 6

How can I hope to resolve conflict with an enemy?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 5:43-45“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.”Human nature wants to love friends and hate enemies. But Jesus brought a new order that adds a divine perspective—the only way to resolve some conflicts is to reach out in love to your enemy. This kind of love has proven to eliminate some enemies by turning them into friends.

Question 7

How can I find strength to respond to conflict in God’s way?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 5:9“God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.”Romans 12:19-21Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. . . . Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.1 Peter 3:9-12Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil.”You can respond to conflict God’s way by refusing to take revenge. Fighting according to the world’s ways only brings greater problems. Instead, practice “the principle of paradox”: bless your enemy, give when threatened, and feed those who would take your food. This principle unleashes God’s power into the situation. His power can resolve conflicts that, from a human standpoint, cannot be resolved.

Question 8

How do I deal with the conflict going on within myself between my sinful nature and my new nature in Christ?

Accepted Answer

Romans 7:18-25I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. . . . I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.Galatians 5:17, 22-23The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. . . . But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.When you become a Christian, a new conflict begins inside you that will be a life-long battle: what you want versus what God wants. Fortunately, you also have the Holy Spirit living in you, and when you allow him, he gives you the tools you need to fight your sinful nature. Over time, you will replace conflict with peace, anger with patience, rage with gentleness, and sinful thoughts and actions with self-control.Matthew 12:25“Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart.”While all Christians must recognize their own constant, internal battle with sin, you must not become comfortable with this conflict; it is a fight you must try to win at all costs. Failing to stand against sin in your own life will ultimately destroy you.