When might our desire for affirmation be unhealthy?
Matthew 25:23“The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’”
Romans 5:8God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
Colossians 3:23-24Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.
1 Thessalonians 4:1Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more.
1 John 3:1See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him.
1 John 4:18Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.
A desire to honor and please God is good. Our greatest goal should be to stand before him some day and hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 5:21). However, we should not confuse love and affirmation. Even while we were sinners and enslaved to evil desires (which God does not affirm), God loved us and sent his Son to die for us. We don’t need to live in fear that we are not good enough for God—he has chosen us, he loves us, and he refuses to give up on us. He doesn’t love us because of what we have accomplished. He loves us because we are his precious children.
Matthew 5:16“Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.”
Luke 2:52Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people.
Galatians 1:10Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.
1 Thessalonians 2:4We speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.
1 Thessalonians 5:11So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.
1 Timothy 6:5These people always cause trouble. Their minds are corrupt, and they have turned their backs on the truth. To them, a show of godliness is just a way to become wealthy.
Titus 2:6-8In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us.
Winning human approval is not in itself bad, and in many cases, it can be good. Living a good, honorable life is an important part of our Christian witness. If, however, we care more about success and human affirmation than faithfulness to God and his gospel, we are making a grave mistake. Sometimes, godliness leads to human affirmation, but sometimes, it doesn’t. That’s why we need to cultivate a longing for God’s affirmation above anyone else’s.
Psalm 12:3May the Lord cut off their flattering lips and silence their boastful tongues.
Proverbs 27:6Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.
Proverbs 28:23In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery.
Proverbs 29:5To flatter friends is to lay a trap for their feet.
2 Timothy 4:3-4A time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. They will reject the truth and chase after myths.
Flattery is false affirmation. Our hunger for affirmation may lead to people telling us what we want to hear—and manipulating us through that. A friend who speaks the truth, even when it is difficult, should be greatly treasured.
Proverbs 13:20Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.
Proverbs 22:24-25Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.
1 Corinthians 15:33Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.”
One subtle way we seek affirmation from others is by imitating them. If we surround ourselves with ungodly friends, our desire for human affirmation will erode our desire to honor God.
Matthew 6:1“Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven.”
Even if we seek affirmation from the right kind of people, Satan can twist our desire for affirmation to distract us from what matters most. If we care more about winning others’ affirmation than we care about blessing others with our time, resources, and talents, then we will fall short of truly living out God’s love.
