Question 1

What is God’s definition of adultery?

Accepted Answer

Hebrews 13:4Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.Adultery is being unfaithful to the person we have married. In general, this involves forming a sexual relationship with someone other than our spouse. But even an intimate emotional relationship with another, or unfaithful thoughts about someone, can become adulterous if they take us away from the one we’ve married. Similarly, in the spiritual realm, we commit adultery against God when we are unfaithful to him by loving anything or anyone more than him or by worshiping anything or anyone except him.Mark 10:11He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her.”The commitment to remain faithful “till death do us part” is a serious commitment and should not be taken lightly. Breaking the marriage vow and joining with another is adultery.Proverbs 4:23Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.Matthew 5:28“But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”Our actions flow from our hearts. That is why Jesus has such careful instructions for what desires we allow ourselves to dwell on. He clearly states when we look at another person with lust, we are being unfaithful to our spouse. This command is given both to protect our relationship with our spouse and our relationship with God.

Question 2

Does God specifically forbid adultery or is it merely implied in Scripture?

Accepted Answer

Exodus 20:14“You must not commit adultery.”Hebrews 13:4Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.The command of God is about as specific as a command can get: “You must not commit adultery.” He does not simply suggest that we should avoid it; he demands that we steer far from it because he knows that only destruction and heartache follows. There may be times when we feel tempted to bend this rule or make an exception for a relationship, but entertaining such compromise is a terrible mistake. God is clear concerning what he expects, and his command of faithfulness is for our good and the good of others.

Question 3

Why is adultery dangerous?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 5:18-23Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his great foolishness.Proverbs 6:32The man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.Like most sin, adultery is a momentary act of pleasure that has dire consequences—a lifetime of regret and pain. The consequences of adultery are severe and can last from generation to generation. Even though we often act in the moment, God’s heart behind his commands is for our good in the long run.Romans 6:13Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God.Romans 12:1And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.1 Corinthians 6:15-16, 18-20Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” . . . .Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.Our bodies belong to God. When we give them over to such an intimate sin of betrayal, we are dishonoring him at a deep level.1 Corinthians 6:9-10Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin . . . commit adultery . . . none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.This verse is weighty. It shows how important it is to avoid sin because of sin’s power to destroy our lives and our eternal destiny. No matter what temptation promises, the Kingdom of God is greater than any desire we could ever fulfill on this earth.

Question 4

How do I protect myself from getting into an adulterous relationship?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 15:19From the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.James 1:14-15Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.The seeds of adultery are planted in the garden of the heart. We must keep careful watch over what desires are planted in our hearts—through what we read, watch, or think about. These seemingly small seeds have the capacity to grow into bigger sins with dangerous consequences. The more we think about an inappropriate relationship, the more we start justifying why it would be okay for us in our circumstances. Over time, what we know to be wrong starts to feel right to us. And that is when we lose the battle.Proverbs 2:16Wisdom will save you from the immoral woman, from the seductive words of the promiscuous woman.1 Corinthians 10:13The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.God promises wisdom to those who ask him for it (James 1:5). Wisdom helps us recognize the early warning signs that we are moving in the wrong direction. Sometimes these warning signs are as subtle as lingering thoughts or inappropriate words. As we grow in wisdom, we can ask God to strengthen our self-control, enabling us not only to recognize temptation as it starts but also to resist it.Job 31:1“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.”Proverbs 4:25-27Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.If looking can lead us into adultery, then not looking can often help us avoid it. It can be challenging to have “faithful eyes,” but it is a key to success in avoiding adultery.Proverbs 5:3-9The lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. For she cares nothing about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t realize it. So now, my sons, listen to me. Never stray from what I am about to say: Stay away from her! Don’t go near the door of her house! If you do, you will lose your honor and will lose to merciless people all you have achieved.1 Corinthians 10:12If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall.The best way to resist temptation is to avoid temptation whenever possible. When faced with temptation, we might be lured into thinking that we can “handle it,” but the best course is to run away and not look back (read Genesis 39:1-20).Proverbs 5:15, 18Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife . . . Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her . . . In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. . . . So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.Titus 2:4These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children.Adultery is more likely if we allow discontentment to creep into our hearts. Stay connected with your spouse emotionally and physically and think about the things you love about him or her. We tend to care deeply for all the things we invest our time and emotional energy in.

Question 5

Can God forgive my adultery?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 51:17The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.Isaiah 44:22“I have swept away your sins like a cloud. I have scattered your offenses like the morning mist. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.”Jeremiah 3:22“My wayward children,” says the Lord, “come back to me, and I will heal your wayward hearts.” “Yes, we’re coming,” the people reply, “for you are the Lord our God.”Open Psalm 51 and read it all the way through. David wrote Psalm 51 after his own sin of adultery, and it expresses his deep regret for his sin and longing for God’s forgiveness. If your heart is broken over your actions and you are truly sorry for what you have done, do what David did. Go to God and seek his forgiveness. He promises to forgive you and to bring healing to your heart. Even though natural consequences are a part of sin, God promises to help you pick up the pieces and move on to a new beginning.

Question 6

What can I do to begin my recovery from adultery?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 6:18Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.Recognize that you have sinned against your spouse, against God, and against your own body. Begin by recognizing all who have been harmed by your actions.1 John 1:9If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.Confess your sin to God with a humble heart and he will forgive you. Confess your sin to your spouse and ask his or her forgiveness. You cannot force your spouse to forgive you, but you can choose to change your own heart and try to know God better as you learn from your mistakes.Ephesians 4:23Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.True repentance should lead to changes in our behavior. Sometimes, we need help to change thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors deeply engrained in us. Whether this help comes from being mentored by a godly friend, joining a care group at church, or professional counseling, it is incredibly important to have a community around us for support. We were never meant to live the Christian life alone.