Choose To Enjoy

“A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life, But a perversive tongue [speaking words that overwhelm and depress] crushes the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4, AMP)

I have a parenting tip that has helped to revolutionize how I mother my kids. Here’s the idea: what if our first responsibility in raising kids is to ENJOY them?

Most people think their first responsibility as parents is to raise kids to be responsible adults. (Definitely a great goal—have you seen Step Brothers?)

But what if we focused more on enjoying them? Kids are incredibly sensitive—they know the difference between being tolerated, and being enjoyed. This is important because it shapes how they see the world for the rest of their lives.

I think we can shoot straight with each other – this isn’t always easy because sometimes kids do things that are less than enjoyable (to put it mildly!). And sometimes the small annoyances turn into seasons of frustration. If you are in that kind of season, take this wise counsel from a therapist friend of mine, “If you have a kid who is making you miserable, that kid is miserable.”

Doesn’t that change everything? Suddenly we can approach our kids with so much more grace, tenderness, understanding and curiosity. We can also take proactive steps to show up for them in new ways. Here are some ideas:

1. Get interested in the things they are interested in.
2. Look them in the eye instead of multi-tasking when they are talking to you.
3. Regularly ask them this one question: “What are two ways I could be a better mom to you right now?”

The truth about parenting is that every few months things change, and we need to adapt to a new season all over again. Not to mention that in a few years, the things that frustrate you today will frustrate you for the exact opposite reason. When your child is a newborn and not sleeping through the night—you just want them to KEEP SLEEPING! But when your child is a teenager and sleeping until 1:22 p.m. on a Saturday—you just want them to get the heck up! The gift is finding delight in the season you are in.

It is a massive responsibility to raise a child. We need a lightness and joy that comes from surrendering expectations and focusing on enjoying the person God has entrusted us with. Communicate what you appreciate and see in your kids. Knowing their mom enjoys them will help your children feel deeply known and loved. It will impact your kids for the rest of their lives.

May your words and actions nourish the hurting places in your kid’s soul.

Reflection:

1. Grab a snack that you truly enjoy. Not just what’s fast and easy—something you really love that feels like a treat.
2. As you savor your snack, ask God to bring to mind the many ways your children bring joy and delight to your life. If you have a child who is particularly difficult to enjoy in the moment, try shifting your thoughts.
3. Stop for a quick prayer, and check -in with God. Ask Him to show you something to enjoy about your child in the moment. Most of the time when we do this, it changes something in us, and that in turn changes something in them.

Prayer:

God, please show me something about this child that I haven’t seen before. Help me to shift my focus from the momentary irritation to the everlasting gratitude and joy you bring. AMEN.