When Two Are Wiser Than One

CORE PRACTICE #64: Listen to and value your spouse’s intuition.

The wise are known for their understanding, and pleasant words are persuasive. . . . From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive.

—Proverbs 16:21, 23; 25:11

Lauren

Tony takes people at face value. He’s probably more trusting than I am. I prefer to call myself more analytical and perceptive, but maybe at times my approach comes off as cynical. I’d prefer not to think of it that way. All in all, we’re a pretty good match. When the two of us discuss our varying perceptions, we generally reach a good understanding.

I’ve noticed this is often the case when repairmen come to our house. They tend to fall into one of two camps. Most everyone gets excited to see that they will be at Tony Dungy’s house, and they’re starstruck. But one group does whatever it takes to make the repair and ensure everything is working well again, even if it means going beyond what they might ordinarily do. The thought seems to be, I don’t want to disappoint Tony Dungy.

Sometimes, though, repairmen will offer a detailed explanation of all they have to do and give us an enormous estimate for the cost of parts and labor. Inevitably, my usually frugal husband will respond, “Whatever you say. You’re the expert.”

On one occasion, a repairman came to fix our washer. I was busy elsewhere in the house during most of the service call, but I walked into our laundry room as the man was telling Tony that the necessary repairs were so extensive—and expensive—that we’d be better off buying a new machine.

I could tell my husband was ready to agree to that proposal, so while the repairman continued talking, I hurried to the file box where we keep our warranties. Carrying the paperwork back in with me, I asked the repairman, “We’ve only owned this machine for fourteen months. Isn’t it still under warranty? According to this, the repairs shouldn’t cost us anything except the fee for a service call.”

After glancing at the warranty, the man nodded. No new washer needed.

On the flip side, Tony’s trust leads to better decisions than I might make on my own. When Tony finally decided to write Quiet Strength, I asked him if he was sure about working with the writer Nathan Whitaker.

“I like Nathan,” I told Tony. “But he hasn’t written a book, and you’ve got a bunch of accomplished writers willing to do it. Are you sure?”

Tony nodded. “He says he can do it. I think he’s right.” I deferred to his intuition, and sure enough, it worked out well.

When we understand the way our spouse discerns situations, we may see the world in two very different but equally valid ways. Sometimes we may need to trust his or her viewpoint completely; at other times, we will come out ahead if we consider both our perspectives before making a decision. I like to picture that best-case scenario as the “golden apples in a silver basket” described in the proverb above.

Husband and wife; gold and silver. In both cases, one can complement the other perfectly.

Adventure Application: Do you and your spouse sometimes disagree about the best course to take? Could it be that one of you is more trusting and the other person more skeptical? Or are there some other terms to describe the different ways you see the world? Take a few minutes to discuss your approach.